Thursday, March 31, 2011

Women often go a lot longer between waxes in the winter. A girl came in the other day and told me it was time to get rid of her winter coat. It was time. Days of wearing animal are so gone.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Even if you don't have a guy, it's nice to be bald. A brazilian can give you a free, clean and empowering feeling. You just never seem to feel clean enough when there is an untamed forest down below. Sometimes hair can just make you feel like a dirty girl. And, even though we are all about being a dirty girl, we don't mean it in that way.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

If you close your legs when I am about to rip, you're gonna bruise your beave. So, cut it out.

Monday, March 28, 2011

A girl apologized to me for being a pussy. I told her she wasn't a pussy. She just had a hairy one.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

It can be scary going to a new place knowing that you are exposing your most intimate parts to a stranger. And, to make it worse, the service is going to involve a little discomfort. A new client was a few minutes late for her appointment because she drove by the salon and had to turn around. She called to let us know she would be a couple minutes late and I assured her that it wasn't a big deal. When she walked into the salon, she was visibly harried and nervous. I asked her if she needed the restroom. She said that was probably a good idea. She told me that she was so nervous, she needed to throw up first.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Isn't it incredible how much power the pussy has?

Friday, March 25, 2011

It's really tough to give a good wax job with your man's baby butter all over the place. And frankly, it's fucking gross.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

So I guess you didn't read my helpful hint page on my website. Getting high did not make it easier. It made you a weenie.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A lot of my clients use cute little sayings to refer to their private area and also have secret personal codes that they use with their loved one's when they talk about coming to see me. One of my clients always tells her husband that she is going to H.O.P. Acronyms are often used but at first I couldn't figure out the connection between the v-j-jay and pancakes. She wasn't referring to the restaurant. She was referring to the House of Pain.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I dare ya.

Monday, March 21, 2011

When women move to a new city, it can be stressful finding a new salon, especially one that can do a good Brazilian wax. I told a woman that had just moved to the area that she called the right place. Not only do I have many years of experience, the average Brazilian only takes me 4-7 minutes. When I met her, she told me that she was shocked by how fast I said I could do a Brazilian. All of her experiences had taken much longer. She told her boyfriend what I said about the time frame. She also told him that she didn't know if she should be excited and impressed or seriously frightened.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

When someone says "I don't want to play anymore" over and over and over again, I'm thinking I should probably stop?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Black girls are prone to nasty hair bumps which is why they shouldn't shave. One of my regulars was on vacation and didn't wax before she left. While away, she met a man and needed to groom her girl, so she found a random place to get a wax. We aren't exactly sure what the tech did wrong, but my client broke out in a bumpy, rashy mess. She was so freaked out that when she got home, she called a clinic and got checked for an STD. The bumps were nothing but pissed off skin from an inexperienced wax tech. Now her puss is back in my care and we are working on getting it pretty again.

Friday, March 18, 2011

No matter what size you are, your pussy never gets that big. So it really doesn't matter to me one way or another if you are a size 2 or a size 22. A lady came in and said she had wanted to wax for over a year and a half but was waiting until she lost some weight before she got it done. After a year had passed and she didn't lose one pound she told me she just decided "fuck it, I'm getting this done anyways." Now that's the right attitude.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

People say the weirdest shit when they are on the table. A woman told me she really wanted to knit. I was confused. She said that she had her knitting in her purse and that is what she wanted to do instead of finishing the wax. The knitting had to wait. I always finish.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

When I go for a yearly exam, I expect to put my feet in those embarrassing little holders, but I never liked that position of submission. I don't care how inflexible, overweight or hairy you may be. I will never use stirrups.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A girl told me she was sweating like she was on an airplane. Good news. This flight only takes 4-7 minutes.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Did you know that today was Steak & Blow Job day? Apparently, if your man did a good job on Valentine's Day, then on March 14Th, which would be one month later, you are supposed to reciprocate with his favorite things. Always learning.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A girl came in and said she had a massive nest down below. She wasn't joking. It was pretty massive. Happy to say nothing creepy was living in the nest.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A guy wanted to leave a hickey on his girl's upper thigh to see what kind of reaction I would have. Dude, nothing shocks me. I've heard thousands of women's perverted stories. It's all good.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Fast and furious? Yep.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

New girl comes in. First time. Thought it was painful. Swore like a trucker. But it was still all good. As she was leaving, she told Mark & I that she was so excited about her Brazilian that she was going to find some one's face to sit on.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Californication is a funny and racy series on Showtime. It's pretty raunchy which is probably why I find it so amusing. There is a waxologist (not really a word but that's what they call her) on the show that waxes celebrity's pussies. On the last episode, they show her pitching to start a series of her own about what she does for a living. I think it is a great idea. Women have all sorts of drama and who wouldn't want to watch a show that focuses on pussies? This is where I need your help. My manuscript entitled "The Happy Hoo-Ha" is complete. All I need is someone to represent me and help me get it published. In this day of Internet networking, there has to be someone out there who knows someone who will think I am a tad bit interesting and funny. You have to admit that what I do for a living is pretty unique. Think of all the stories you have read to date. And there is so much more. So please spread the word. Women say crazy shit to me while they spread their legs. I have faith in my followers. Remember what my quest in life celebrate the perfectly primped pussy.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I think getting a Brazilian can help a gal not only feel lucky, but get lucky. When a really neat thirty year old woman complains of being single but keeps up with her grooming just in case, you have to wish her luck and hope that Mr. Wonderful comes knocking at her door. So that is exactly what I did. I wished her luck in her endeavor to find someone special. That is when she told me I was her Brazilian Fortune Cookie.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Period undies...wax about no undies at all?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Since I am very efficient and run on schedule, a lot of my clients come on their lunch hour to get waxed. It is funny how many women tell their jobs they are going to the dentist during that time. Wouldn't an appointment with the gyno make more sense?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

When you wax, your hair tends to come in finer and thinner and, for some women, bald spots form where no hair grows any more. It is much more common for the hair to stop growing on the front of the pubic area. One of my clients started hooking up with a guy who wanted her to grow her hair back in the front. The problem is that her hair stopped growing there a long time ago. I'm not sure if her hair is afraid of me or what, but there is no way she will ever grow more than a few strays. Her 70's porn star days are definitely over. So this guy asked her if it was possible to get a toupee? A toupee for the twat. Interesting.

Friday, March 4, 2011

A guy came in for his first ever back wax. He had three friends with him for moral support, but that didn't seem to ease his anxiety. He really didn't want to take his shirt off. Unfortunately, I can't wax a back with a shirt on so I needed to encourage him to remove it. When he got on the table, he told me he was as nervous as a dog at a Chinese restaurant.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

It's easier than childbirth.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Do you remember the scene in Home Alone when the little boy puts after shave on his cleanly shaven face and screams? On our clean up stations at the salon, I have 2 bottles. A pointy bottle with oil in it to take the wax off your cooch and a pump bottle with hand sanitizer for your hands. When a woman put a liberal amount of hand sanitizer between her legs and started jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick, I had to yell at her to stop jumping and start wiping!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Pussies are more peaceful when they are pampered properly.