Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Yesterday a woman told me she gave her No Scream Cream to a friend to use on her nipples before she had new areola's tattooed on her breasts. I've heard about women doing that when they have breast cancer but never just because.

And I just wanted to let you know that this is my 600Th consecutive blog. I have been persistent and steady with stories. So doesn't anybody know someone who can help me get my manuscript published?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I heard about a woman who had really bad pain in her tail bone. They took all sorts of tests and weren't sure what was going on even though they did see some kind of mass in that area. She went on vacation and the pain got so bad that she could barely walk. When she went to the hospital, they found out that an ingrown hair was burrowing into her actually bone and had become severely infected. The doctors had to surgically remove the hair and clean out the infection. The girl was awake during the procedure and said the smell was absolutely putrid when they cut her open. Just another reason why we wax your crack.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sometimes new clients will get really nervous when I ask them to roll on their side. Many women will say just about anything to get out of this part of the service. One woman told me that it wasn't necessary to wax her backside because no one goes fishing in that area.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I cannot imagine doing anything else for a living. I suppose some people would find that disturbing.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Do you really think grabbing my arm is going to make the service easier?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Be thankful that your parts work, even if you aren't using them right at this moment.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

They say that Americans eat stupid amounts of calories on Thanksgiving. So I was thinking that it would be a smart idea to substitute one of your many courses for something more natural and intimate. There would be no calories and, if you tried hard enough, you could burn a few while you were at it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You know its time to come see me when your husband asks if you are going for the natural look.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I think most people would agree that turkey tastes better without its feathers.

Monday, November 21, 2011

I've been blogging about beaves for almost 600 consecutive days, and I just realized that I really don't have many followers considering how dedicated I have been to this project. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is really reading what I write or if I'm the only one who is amused by all the weird and crazy shit that happens at Mark & M.E. If you want me to keep up with my continued stories, see if you can find a friend to become a follower so I know someone cares about cootches as much as I do.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

I am thinking about starting a Brazilian dictionary. Brazilian Warfare: When I have to use my body as a shield and as an anchor to hold a leg up and control the situation while the client is trying to roll away from me.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

It is not uncommon for a boyfriend or husband to come into the room while I am waxing his girl. One of the guys who I have gotten to know pretty well came into the room and announced that he is now a Vagitarian.

Friday, November 18, 2011

I received hate mail because I do Brazilians for a living. Really?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I have mentioned in the past that I prefer hot wax to hard wax for several reasons. For one, I like the barrier of the cloth between your vag and my hands (even though I wear gloves), I find that the hot wax is more efficient, and I personally tend to get irritated at the spots where I have to grab the hard wax in order to pull it off. But now I have another reason I don't think I will switch products. My best friend lives far from here and she just had her first Brazilian. The woman used hard wax. For some reason the wax wasn't setting up quick enough so the technician had a small fan between my friend's legs. What a visual.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

After I finished a Brazilian, the girl said she was thankful that she no longer looked like a Jim Henson creation.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Women get tattoos everywhere. And I mean everywhere. And you know you are due for a wax when you have so much hair that you can't see your tattoo.

Monday, November 14, 2011

There are Groupons for everything these days, including Brazilians. One of my clients went to another salon to take advantage of a cheap wax. When she walked in the room, the girl asked her if she ever had a Brazilian before. She said that she normally went to Mark & M.E. They girl replied with a long sigh and said that she didn't do them as good as we do. This made the woman quite nervous and, as it turned out, she had every right to be. The technician used small strips, small sticks, and a hard wax on the lips that got stuck to the skin and had to be picked off. After close to an hour, the woman was left red, swollen and rashy. She'll never cheat on me again.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If I see anything creepy down there, I am going to say something. It is never to embarrass you or suggest that you have something funky going on between your legs. I am all about a bald, healthy and happy vagina and it's a lot easier for me to see your parts.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

There are many expressions that people use to describe different body types. I learned that there is a word for when a woman has a large stomach that hangs over her lady parts and you can't tell where the stomach ends and the puss begins. The word is BUNT. When the belly hangs over the c...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Now that our guys know that we are more into warmth and comfort with our underwear, I hope they can be more understanding why we don't parade in sexy lingerie 24-7. We don't ask them to stick a string of lace up their ass, so why should we? I had to laugh, however, when a client told me that she has a pair of old, comfy pajamas that she wears that indicates to her husband that he ain't getting any. He calls them the d-erection jammies.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Men like us to be dressed all sexy in frilly undies and lacy teddies that try to make us look like a little girl,a porn star or even a whore. What they don't realize is that a lot of the sexy lingerie out there isn't very comfortable, doesn't always look as good on us as it does on the Victoria Secret models, and, frankly, it just doesn't keep us very warm in our lovely Western New York climate. So you might want to take us to Hawaii or some other tropical destination and we'll consider putting on some undergarments that make us self conscious about our celluite and muffins tops and itch like crazy and let you have your little fantasy.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I received an email from a client who wanted to get a wax, but I was out of town when she wanted to come in. Instead of having one of my staff members wax her, she decided to wait until I came back. There was only a small window of opportunity between the time I got home and the time she left for vacation. Her message to me said that it was vital she found a time to come in because woolly mammoths don't belong in the tropics.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Old, new, borrowed, blue. Don't forget bald.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Hey guys, cartoon undies are not sexy. And, for the record, we expect you to groom your junk as well.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

One of my clients convinced me to start a twitter account. My user name is SassySnatch in case you're interested. My tweets are different then my blogs. Don't worry, I still tweet about twats. It has been kind of fun thinking about pusses in a different way. Check me out. My goal is to keep some humor in your hoo-ha.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A lot of women are self conscious about the shape and/or size of their labia. In my opinion, the puss is distinctive and unique just like the rest of the body. I even know women who have had surgery to make their labia more attractive. But I recently heard of the strangest scenario about a girl who was so embarrassed and uncomfortable with her large outer labia that she tucked them inside her body every day. I think this girl probably doesn't need a plastic surgeon but maybe a psychiatrist.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I have a very interesting job.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Often women will make their appointments early in the morning so they can get it over with. A girl, who had driven an hour to see me, walked in the door and told me she had driven a long way to see me and it felt like the drive of death. Ladies, it's not that bad!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I got an email from a girl who said that if she had to wait one more week, she'd need a zoo keeper. Interesting visual.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I asked a woman to roll on her right so I could wax her backside when she stopped, pointed a finger at me and said "now listen, I don't have a perfect asshole." Trust me, no one does.