Monday, December 31, 2012

A SassySnatch follower sent me a link to an article in Health magazine about different vagina practices and their safety issues. They talk about Vajazzling. I have never wanted to glue rhinestones on a freshly waxed pubic area, because you never know how'll you skin will react. The article agrees with me.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this merkin thing. You can actually get one of these pubic wigs made out of human hair. That freaks me out a little. I think I would have to opt for synthetic.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Prostitutes would shave their entire pubic area to ensure no bugs were down there then put on a merkin, a pubic wig, for adornment. Seems counterproductive to me. ~your Brazilian Educator~

Friday, December 28, 2012

I was sitting on the beach talking to someone I had just met. Surprisingly, we started talking about Brazilians. She said that she studied women's history and read that prostitutes used to shave their entire pubic area to prove that they didn't have lice. I thought that was very interesting.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

If it ain't bald when I meet it, it's bald when I leave it. ~Fondly, your Brazilian Bushwhacker~

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Since my blog has been so well received the past couple years, I went ahead and published my manuscript. On Christmas Day, my book became available on Kindle. After a very loud scream, I started to cry. I put a ton of work into this project and it really happened. Seeing my name on Amazon is so surreal. The book was written to entertain and in some ways to educate, although there are times I know you will probably cringe. My dedication to pussies has finally paid off. The Happy Hoo-Ha is really happy!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas is a time to love one another unconditionally, even if you did leave too much tinsel on your tree.

Monday, December 24, 2012

This is such a hectic time in our lives that I think we should all chill out and enjoy our Brazilians.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Mark is a hairdresser. He never learned to wax. Yesterday he gave me a Brazilian in less than 10 minutes. Once again I am truly baffled by all of the technicians that are specifically trained to do Brazilians and take forever to do one. It just doesn't make sense.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I feel like one of Santa's little helpers. ~your Brazilian Elf~

Friday, December 21, 2012

A guy told his girl he was going to play the song "Welcome To The Jungle" every time he took her pants off. It was time for a Brazilian.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Give your reindeer a smooth landing.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I left a Christmas Tree on the top of a woman's bikini line. It was very festive. I told her she needed to tell her man to leave a present under her tree.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

This Christmas season hasn't been as crazy as usual, so I think I need to reiterate my favorite holiday mantra: You cannot have a happy holiday with a hairy hoo-ha.

Monday, December 17, 2012

I don't care if you have butt zits.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Don't know what to give your man for Christmas? Obvious to me. Get a Brazilian put a big, red bow on it. Beats a sweater.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

One of my regular's was given 3 Groupons to another salon for Brazilians. When she walked in, no one acknowledged her for a solid 10 minutes. The room was small & sterile, like a gynecologist office. She had to ask the woman to put on gloves. The woman had to find some. She wasn't lying flat on a table; her upper body was elevated which doesn't work well at all. She was never asked to lift a leg or roll on her side. There was no clean up station. When my client asked what she could use to clean up, the woman told her to go to the drugstore and buy cortisone cream. After a very long, awkward service, she left sticky and hairy. She threw the other 2 Groupons out and came to see me yesterday. She said she was really happy to be back home again.

Friday, December 14, 2012

A new client told me how nice I was yesterday. I wondered what she thought a Brazilian Technician would be like. Did she think I was going to be mean?

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Although I am a huge fan of vagina's, I saw a wireless mouse in the shape of a vagina that was pretty creepy. It's only redeeming factor was that it was hairless.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

During this holiday season, the only thing that should be hairy is Santa's beard. ~your Brazilian Elf~

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A girl called for an appointment for a Brazilian, and I told her to come right over. She told me she couldn't be there for an hour, because she needed to find her leather strap for her mouth.

Monday, December 10, 2012

A woman in her 60's came in for a wax. SHe was going down south to visit her boyfriend. When I finished her Brazilian, she sat up and said Happy Hanukkah to him!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

You don't have to worry about saying anything stupid during your Brazilian that will get you in my book, because it has already been published!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

A husband told his wife she really needed to get a Brazilian, because she looked like Buckwheat with a scissor hole.

Friday, December 7, 2012

A little bit of tinsel on the top of a tree can be pretty, but a lot of it is just plain messy.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I started this blog 977 days ago, because I have a lot of funny things to say about vagina's and I was hoping that some day I would get my manuscript published. Well, for all of my supporters out there, I am psyched to say that I finally did get it published and I hope all of you will go to the following link and get a copy. Let the hoo-ha reign!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

You can't have a Happy Hanukkah with a Hairy Hoo-Ha either, so get your Brazilian today!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

There's three weeks until Christmas. Still don't know what to get your man? Give him a vacation to the sandy beaches of Brazil.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Camel toe is a bizarre expression. What makes it even more horrifying is when it's bumpy because it's covered in hair.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The other day I was hanging out with a friend and having a few cocktails. He told me that he was very thankful that I turned his wife onto Brazilian Waxing. As he was rubbing his cheeks with his hands, he repeatedly told me how much better it felt on his face.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Many women participated in the "No Shave November" because they didn't like their men with hair on their face. They retaliated by letting their hair grow as well, just not on their face. Well November is over, so get all your hairy bushes in to see me today! ~your Brazilian Bush Master~

Friday, November 30, 2012

Yesterday, a man asked his wife how I could do a Brazilian in only 10 minutes. She said I was the Vagina Ninja.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

A new girl walked in my room and I asked her when she had her last Brazilian. She said yesterday. It sounds ridiculous at first because no one's hair grows back in one day, but I wasn't surprised because this isn't the first time this has happened. She went to another salon that spent an hour doing her "supposed" Brazilian. The technician not only broke every single hair across the front, she didn't do anything down below except burn the girl's creases of her leg. I had to re-wax the entire area and give her a lesson on how to properly tweeze the front. Supposedly the technician tweezed for awhile, but, not only was she not successful, she must have been pinching the skin because it was very painful for the client. Waxing should not be this awful.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I got a message from a client that said after her deforestation with me, her husband called it her "venus fly trap" because it was luring him. She thought it should have been called her "penis guy trap." ~your Brazilian Siren~

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A guy requested that I wax and buff his woman's puss to a high gloss shine. After I finished waxing her and she put oil all over the area, that's exactly how it looked.

Monday, November 26, 2012

I appreciate feedback any way I can get it. People respond to me on Facebook, via email and even at the salon and I love hearing what people have to say. I really try to be receptive to the needs and requests from every client who has a concern. The only time that I have a problem responding to a request is when you ask me to slow down. I have a really hard time slowing down. I have been waxing for a long time and my technique has become second nature to me. Basically, when you ask me to slow down, it's like asking me not to breathe.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

After yesterday's post about the girl who doubted me and my ability to perform a wax in 10 minutes or less, one of my clients suggested that Brazilian Waxing become an Olympic event. My fastest wax to date is a petite Asian girl who took me less than one minute. In fact, I had her completely bald with no strays in 40 seconds. I think I'd win the Gold.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Mark & M.E. is known for being the Home of the Ten Minute Brazilian, so I was surprised by a new client who came into my wax room and wanted to know how I knew it would only take 10 minutes? I told her I have waxed thousands of women and I know from experience that's how long it takes. She said she didn't believe me and no one could guarantee that it would only take that amount of time. She told me her last wax took 1 1/2 hours. I told her she obviously didn't come to Mark & M.E. Although she resisted me through out the entire service, I had her bald in eight minutes.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Hopefully none of your men choked on any turkey feathers yesterday. ~your concerned Brazilian friend~

Thursday, November 22, 2012

I am truly thankful for all of the hoo-ha's that I have had the pleasure to work with over the years, even the scary one's. ~your humble Brazilian Servant~

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A hairy woman in desperate need of a Brazilian walked into the wax room and told me that now her boyfriend would have something to be thankful for.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Urban Dictionary says the cootch refers to a woman's vagina. It also describes all of the different things that can go into it, like the fingers, tongue, etc...I guess clarification is important for the people who aren't sure what goes into such a mysterious body part. ~Brazilian Clarity~

Monday, November 19, 2012

Here are some of the fun definitions from the Urban Dictionary regarding the word Twat. 1. A great word to shout out. (agreed!) 2. A woman's vagina. 4. A word used by Tweety. 6. An acronym for The War Against Terrorism. Who knew a small word could have so many meanings? ~your Brazilian Educator~

Sunday, November 18, 2012

There is a reason we take the feathers off a turkey before we eat it.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Someone told me about a bumper sticker that I had to share. It said, "I snatch kisses and vice versa." ~Brazilian Poetry~

Friday, November 16, 2012

A girl was desperate to come in and get a Brazilian, because her man wouldn't eat her. TMI?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Yesterday a woman asked me for a Salvatore's Super Slice. I understood what she meant even though I had never heard that expression before. Last night when I was getting ready for bed, I heard the ad for Salvatore's Super Slice for the first time. A slice of pizza now has a whole new meaning. ~your Brazilian delivery girl~

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A friend of mine looked up cooter in the Urban Dictionary and had to share. It said that masculine women like to put chewing tobacco in or around their vagina, and it is called "cooter dip." They may or may not put the tobacco in a pouch before putting it between their legs. It must create an interesting sensation, and I can't believe I have never heard of such a practice. I don't think, however, that these women get Brazilians, but you never know.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

This morning I looked up the word cooter. Cooter refers to a freshwater turtle. I'm baffled here. The Brazilian word girl is looking for suggestions.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Today I looked up the definition for pussy. One of the definitions said it was a slang noun describing a "weak or cowardly man or boy." That actually makes sense since men became weak when they are around a pussy. ~Your Ms. Webster Brazilian Lady~

Sunday, November 11, 2012

And what about the word twat? The dictionary said it's vulgar, it has an unknown origin, but was first used in 1656. I wonder how many twats were bald in the 1600's? ~the Brazilian dictionary lesson continues~

Saturday, November 10, 2012

So why do they call it a snatch anyways? Because it is something a man wants to seize suddenly? That's what I'm thinking. ~your Brazilian definition girl~

Friday, November 9, 2012

Day 8: If there's a huge wet spot in the front of your yoga pants, it's time for a Brazilian.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Day 7: If there's a bulge in the front of your bathing suit, it's time for a Brazilian.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 6: If you need to blow dry something besides the hair on your head, it's time for a Brazilian.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day 5: When your toddler asks why you have fur sticking out of your underwear, it's time for a Brazilian.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 4: I'm not sure who is more thankful for the women who get Brazilians on a regular basis, because I know your man doesn't like fighting his way through the jungle any more then I do.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Day 3: If he reaches for a toothpick when you finish, it's time for a Brazilian.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Day 2 of Clues You Need A Wax: If the hair between your cheeks gets tangled in your G-String, it's Brazilian time.

Friday, November 2, 2012

If your vibrator becomes tangled in your hair, it's time for a Brazilian.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I hope the girl from yesterday follows my blog so she can see all of the wonderful support she got from fellow Brazilian lovers. She did not have to pay for the service, but she doesn't know what to do with the gift certificate. She has no desire to go back to that salon for any service. One of my client's suggested she give the gift certificate to someone she doesn't like. I think that's a great idea.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A girl got her 1ST ever Brazilian with me. No biggie. Then she went somewhere else because she had a gift certificate. The wax tech spent 1 hour 20 minutes trying to wax her. She couldn't get the hard wax out of a large patch in the front and sent her home with clumps of wax stuck on her. The technician had no suggestions how to remove the wax so the girl had to google it for an answer. Her husband used a hair dryer on her pubis to soften the wax and then had to scrape the wax off, layer by layer. The girl cried through the whole thing.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hurricane Sandy has made it possible for all my teachers to get their beaches clean today. Enjoy your day off with a luxurious Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Monday, October 29, 2012

A woman came in and told me it was her birthday and she wanted to look exactly like she did 32 years ago. ~Birthday Brazilians Rock!~

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I love to learn. A mom told me men prefer our backsides because we get stretched out when we have babies. Glad Brazilians cover the whole territory.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

When a woman comes in for her 2nd Brazilian, it's always interesting to hear what she thinks about it. This week, a woman told me that not only did things feel better down there, her man was WAY more attentive.

Friday, October 26, 2012

I was waxing a new client who was growling and squirming and acting like she was thinking twice about this Brazilian thing. All of a sudden she asked me what my name was. I told her it was Mary Elizabeth, the M.E. in Mark & M.E. That was when she yelled out, "Jesus Christ, Mary Elizabeth, this really hurts!" She wanted to put me and Jesus together.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Two couples in their 50's were at a bar drinking. They started talking about Brazilians. The one guy gets his hair cut at Mark & ME and told the girls to come to us for their wax. The girls downloaded my helpful wax hint page and made the boys read it aloud. God, I wish I was there.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Sticks and Stones can break your bones, but prickly pubes can really hurt you. ~get your Brazilian today!~

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

It can be fun to scare small children with dark, spooky places and cobwebs during the Halloween season. What isn't fun is having the person who enjoys your lady parts rummaging through darkness and cobwebs. Don't scare anyone with your haunted forest. Get a Brazilian before the 31st.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Just cuz the sun ain't shining doesn't mean you can't keep the sun shining down below. Brazilians aren't just for summertime.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I met a college girl last night who said she would never get a Brazilian, because she wouldn't want anyone seeing her parts. First, we all have the same parts. Second, I focus on the nasty hair and not your parts. Third, I prefer men's parts. And, finally, once you feel the pain from the first rip, you'll forget about me seeing your parts.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

After sharing with you that one of my clients told her toddler I was a doctor (to justify why I was touching her hiney), I had a Facebook friend refer to me as a Bush Doctor, which I think is a wonderful description of my services. I don't think it's necessary to put an MD next to my name, however, just a PHD. The Pretty Hoo-Ha Doctor. I like that better. ~M.E. Your Brazilian PHD~

Friday, October 19, 2012

A lady brought her toddler into the room while she got her Brazilian. The little girl was eating a snack and playing with a toy. It didn't look like she was paying any attention at all to what we were doing. When they left the salon, the little girl asked her mom why I touched her hiney. The mom told her I was a doctor.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I have waxed females aged 13-75 and often get asked if there is an age limit or if I require parental consent. Waxing isn't permanent, like a tattoo, so there is no need for consent. And although it may seem shocking to some that a 13 year old would want a Brazilian, have you seen our young teens lately? They are more developed at 13 then I was at 25.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Women like to share their pet names for their lady parts with me. One woman calls it her "hen house." I was confused at first thinking about laying eggs and lots of hay covering the area. But she cleared up the confusion when she said it's the place where all the cocks want to go.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My raccoon lady said she had been wanting to get a Brazilian at Mark & M.E. since she was 18 years old. I wasn't sure how old she was, but I have learned that the longer you wait, the more nervous you become. So I asked her how old she was. She was 30. That explained a lot.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The raccoon lady wouldn't stop closing her legs on me, so there was a lot of wax embedded in a large mound of hair in the center. When I finally found the leverage and right angle to remove the mound (by holding her knee down and having her man hold her other one), I showed her the stubborn glob of hair. She called it her wolf pet. the Brazilian animal story continues...

Sunday, October 14, 2012

What makes the raccoon story from yesterday even funnier was that I could hear my girlfriend, who was waiting in the hallway to get a Brazilian as well, laughing hysterically. I'm wrestling with a wailing woman, sweating like crazy and I can hear my friend laughing in the next room. That was helpful.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

If you have ever heard raccoons mating, it sounds like a cross between gregarious laughter and a bloody massacre. That is exactly what a 30 year old woman sounded like during her Brazilian yesterday.

Friday, October 12, 2012

I learn something new every day. Yesterday I learned that a man I know got a yeast infection in his mouth from kissing a woman in her private area.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Chicks who get Brazilians are TOUGH.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I saw a friend with a plain, black cane last night. I told him it was boring and he needed to Vajazzle it. I think I should have said Bedazzle.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I had a client tell me that when she used to get waxed in another city, her man always knew she had gotten a Brazilian without even knowing about the appointment. Apparently, he could smell it. There must have been a strong odor to the wax the technician used that lingered on her skin even hours after she got it done.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Even though there is a boat load of swearing in the wax rooms, there is plenty of love and gratitude that is expressed. A woman told me that her vagina loved me. Of course I had to tell her that I loved her vagina too. ~your Brazilian lover~

Sunday, October 7, 2012

It takes a lot to get me nervous in the wax room. But when a nine month pregnant woman with 2 inch hair between her legs starts doing her Lamaze breathing during the service, I was anticipating some water breaking on my table. ~your Brazilian OB/GYN~

Saturday, October 6, 2012

I love when people dream about Mark & M.E. A woman, who was long overdue for a wax, had a very vivid dream that Mark waxed her. She said he did it much differently in her dream, however. He sprayed her entire pubic area with the astringent first so she would get goose bumps. I can see him trying to be creative like that. ~keeping Brazilians in the family~

Friday, October 5, 2012

I asked a woman to hold her leg so she didn't kick me. She laughed and said "you've never been kicked before, have you?" I need to put cameras in the room. People would be shocked by how physical my job can be. ~your Brazilian punching bag~

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Certain things are unforgivable... like taking 40 minutes to give someone a Brazilian. I still have new clients that come in almost every day who tell me that is how long it took someone else to do it. I just don't get it.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

When you're getting down and dirty, and your parts are all prickly, your friend's face or private area could get a serious brush burn. In my circle of friends, we like to refer to that as a bush burn. This is why we stick to Brazilians over shaving.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Up until a couple months ago, I had only had men faint in the wax room. I am sad to say a woman couldn't handle the pain of the Brazilian and blacked out on me. She felt sick, sat up, got dizzy, laid back down, and passed out with her eyes open. It was really freaky.

Monday, October 1, 2012

I love getting Brazilians and can't imagine doing anything else with my lady parts, but when I get positive feedback from a client, I can't explain how wonderful it makes me feel. I received an email that said, "I want to thank you again and again for making me feel sexy every time I leave you. What did I do for sooo many years before?" This is why I do this for a living.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

It is another dreary day in Rochester. I would like to recommend that all my girls stay in bed and enjoy their Brazilian. Like this if you're able to start your Sunday the same way.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

I told the camper from yesterday that I would hate for her to get attacked because a wild animal tried to hide in her jungle. ~your Brazilian Conservationist~

Friday, September 28, 2012

I got an email from a girl who was desperate to get in for a Brazilian. She was going camping and didn't want to be another bush in the woods.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

A woman was excited to try a new recipe for dinner that she learned about from a friend who was a chef. When she told her man about the dinner, she also told him she was going to Mark & M.E. that same day. She said she was giving him a Brazilian for dessert.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

After all my blogs about the various designs women have requested, a friend suggested I consider expanding my services and start offering Pussy Artistry. She wanted to be my first client who asked for something original and requested a dragon fly. I gave her an invisible one. ~your Brazilian artist~

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Speaking of shapes... I had a woman ask me for a pyramid. She wanted her triangle up-side-down. I have to admit is was difficult to do because of the logistics of holding the skin by the hood taut enough to get a flat base. The strange part of this story is that one week later, another woman asked me for the same thing! Are we seeing pyramids on porn? Help me out. ~your creative Brazilian design team~

Monday, September 24, 2012

A woman wanted me to leave a Wheat Thin shape in front of her bikini line. Cheese and crackers anyone?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I'm spending the day editing my manuscript one last time before I send it to Amazon for publishing. Hopefully my quirky book about Brazilians is a hit!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Brazilian bikini waxing has been around for 25 years which is really hard to believe. So my question is if it has been a beauty option since 1987, then why doesn't everyone do it?

Friday, September 21, 2012

Today is my 900TH consecutive post about Brazilians. I wanted to say that I've seen 900 different kinds of vagina's, but the truth is that no two vagina's are exactly alike, so I've actually seen way more than that. ~The Vagina Examiner~

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Our salon is directly across the street from a Burger King. No matter if you are in the drive thru or dining room, you can't miss our large brick farm house with the huge red awning that says "Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian." I had a client go to Burger King with her boyfriend and his adult son. As soon as they ordered, she said she was walking across the street to the salon. The son noticed the sign and was shocked she was going to Mark & M.E. The father quickly commented that she was just getting her legs waxed.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Two years ago I started this blog to promote a manuscript I wrote. Since nothing has happened with it, I have decided to work with Amazon to self publish my book. If you have enjoyed my funny, gross and sometimes shocking blogs about my Brazilian lifestyle, I think you'll enjoy the book. Stay tuned...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Not only does my lady from yesterday have a scar from her hair removal misadventure, she is stuck with an expensive depilatory unit that she is petrified to ever use again. ~Brazilian Waxing Rocks!~

Monday, September 17, 2012

I have many clients from the Geneseo area which can be as far as an hour away from Rochester. I'm flattered by their loyalty to me but completely understand when they choose different hair removal options. One client listened to a friend and tried an Epilator. Shortly after grooming her lady parts, she became very ill. She felt sick, tired and flu-ish. The ingrown turned into a boil and became seriously infected. She was forced to take highly potent anti-biotics which, of course, lead to a raging yeast infection. If gone untreated much longer, our client would have ended up in the hospital. Waxing versus Epilator? You decide.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

If you need to hang onto something, I don't care what it is as long as it's not my arm. I need both of them to do a good job. ~battling through Brazilians~

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Love when a client asked for the top of a Martini Glass to be left on the front of her bikini line. It means she follows my blog! ~Cheers to Brazilian talk!~

Friday, September 14, 2012

Your first Brazilian is a lot like losing your virginity; the first time is the worst.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

A new client, who had been following this blog for a long time, came into my room saying she was going to behave so she didn't end up on the blog. When we were discussing how well she was handling her first Brazilian, she told me that not only had she had two children naturally (meaning no drugs), she had them at home, so the Brazilian was no big deal. How could I not blog that?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I get excited when new clients come in and feel like they know me because they follow this blog. It's also pretty cool to think that strangers read my blog on a daily basis. Most importantly, I'm glad that it is so obvious how much I care about my clients and their pussies. ~your true Brazilian friend~

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I have always followed the motto that "fitness is for life." I never understood people who work out only for a vacation or for a special occasion. I like to look and feel good all year round. I believe that Brazilians are also for life, not just for a special occasion or for summer.

Monday, September 10, 2012

I love when new clients promise to try not to fight me. It means they read my helpful wax hint page before coming in for their first Brazilian.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

I have a client who spent the summer in New Jersey. The place she liked to get Brazilians charged $75 but that didn't include the rectal area. If you wanted the whole thing, it was $100. I really need to consider relocating.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Yesterday, I heard that people refer to the vagina as a self cleaning oven. I've never heard that expression before and was fairly horrified by it. The premise is that you shouldn't use soap to clean between your legs, just water, because soaps can irritate the area and the vagina has the ability to clean itself. Furthermore, they say your oven should have a smell to it. If you believe in this practice, I applaud your confidence about your terrific smelling kitchen appliance, but I'd really prefer a little bit of oven cleaner applied to the area before you come in for a Brazilian.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Your legs and arms don't have any creepy bodily fluids and rarely bleed, so I may use the same stick for a body part like that, but we absolutely don't double dip when we do a Brazilian. So please tell your friends; we ain't sharing any v-j-jay goo with anyone.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I love what people call the shapes they have me leave on the front of their bikini. Yesterday, a girl asked for the top of a martini glass. Perfect! ~your Brazilian artist~

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

We have a salt scrub in the bathroom for clients to use on their hands. One day, a woman came into the wax room, removed her slacks and undies and hopped up onto my table ready for her Brazilian. I noticed her entire pubis was bright red. I asked her if she had some kind of problem. She told me she used our scrub in the bathroom.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

When 2 girls come in together for a Brazilian Bikini Wax, it is always interesting how they decide who will go first. The other day a girl choose to go second because she wanted her anti-anxiety pill to kick in first.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Happy Labor Day! Perfect day to lick a loved one!!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

For those of you who just started following me, I also write for a men's online magazine called The Social Gods. Aside from my passion for Brazilian Waxing, I am also passionate about telling guys what to do. My newest article was just posted. Hope you'll check it out.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Giving Brazilians to as many young women as I do keeps me current with that age group and, in a way, makes me feel young. So I am finding it totally surreal that my son is 21 today. There is no way that I am old enough. Especially in my mind.

Friday, August 31, 2012

How many people can say that what they do for a living enhances people's sex lives?

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Yesterday I told you about a lady who thought she got Herpes from a toilet seat, but it was clearly an ingrown hair. Well, I had a new client ask me to examine a suspicious mole on her labia. I am flattered that people value my opinion and I love to help in any way I can, but I feel compelled to remind everyone that although I do have a Master's Degree from college, I never went to Medical School. ~your honoree Brazilian MD~

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A woman saw a bump on her lady parts and freaked out, because she didn't know what it was. She proceeded to shave the area to get a better look at the bump. She was convinced that she got Herpes from a toilet seat. A visit to the doctor confirmed what her Brazilian Wax Technician could have told her; it was an ingrown hair.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I associate Labor Day with Vagina's. Although this may sound peculiar even for me, there is a very good reason: I had a baby on Labor Day Weekend two years in a row. So, in honor of this perfectly entitled holiday, go get yourself a Brazilian and celebrate your Vagina.

Monday, August 27, 2012

On our website, we have a helpful wax hint page that was designed to make your experience a little better and teach people about Brazilian etiquette. A girl lifted her leg and her man's baby butter oozed out of her like a faucet. I don't think she read the page.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

A girl yelled WTF during her wax. I had to assure her that saying the actual word during a Brazilian was very common.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I was really hurt by a negative review on Yelp that I saw yesterday. I am saddened that someone found my ten pound, hypo-allergenic dog that doesn't bark or jump on people offensive. I also have dog allergies and wouldn't have Bandit in the salon if he could aggravate people's allergies. If I ever comment on your flexibility, please accept it as the biggest compliment. Many women have limited flexibility and it is nearly impossible to find their lady parts so I truly appreciate someone who can stretch. Sometimes bruising does occur, but it can happen for a variety of reasons unrelated to my technique. If I caused it, then I am very sorry. And, finally, there are times when the hair is too short to all come out. Maybe you haven't waited long enough, the last place who waxed you didn't get the hairs from the roots, or the friction from intercourse broke some of your hairs. I won't apologize for not spending an hour tweezing you. I may seem easy going and even cavalier about doing your Brazilian, but that it to make you as comfortable as possible, because I know it can be an uncomfortable experience. I have worked very hard to be the best in this industry and I have so many dedicated clients that I needed to share this with you.

Friday, August 24, 2012

My friend who brings Jose Cuervo to her Brazilian appointment didn't have enough in the bottle for us to do a decent shot before her wax. She tried to back out. Fortunately, I learned a lot from my dad, who was a really good insurance salesman, and was able to sell her the whole policy.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

It appears that the demand for rectal bleaching has increased. I had two more people ask if I could do it for them or if I knew where they could get it done. It wouldn't be wise for me to put bleach on an area that was freshly waxed. My primary concern when I go between a woman's legs is removing all of the pubic and rectal hair, regardless of the color. ~not your Brazilian Bleacher~

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Vagina's are like snowflakes. No two are identical. ~your observant Brazilian Wax Tech~

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I don't wait. ~your efficient Brazilian Wax Tech~

Monday, August 20, 2012

Just Do It. Not just for Nike. ~Feel the power of a Brazilian~

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I asked a girl how things were going with her man. She told me she just bought a new toy she liked better then him. I told her she needed a new man. ~Brazilians make playing with your toys better too~

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My air conditioned crotch girl acted surprised that a trucker honked at her. I doubt he was offended that she hadn't gotten her Brazilian yet.

Friday, August 17, 2012

I have a woman who drives close to an hour to get Brazilians from me. Although she always showers right before she gets in the car to drive to Rochester, she is paranoid that her lady parts won't be fresh and clean for me. So she figured out a way to not get sweaty on the drive. She wears a skirt with no undies, cranks the air conditioning, and puts her left leg on the console to allow maximum air flow to her crotch.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I had another woman ask me for a modesty towel. We don't use modesty towels at Mark & ME. For starters, they get in the way. Secondly, they generate tons more wash. Most importantly, I need to see your vagina. There is no need to feel awkward. It's just a vagina. I have one too. No big deal. ~celebrate your Brazilian with no modesty!~

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A lady took a hiatus from me. She said she sported the natural look. I think people have different perceptions of what is natural. ~your Brazilian naturalist~

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

For those who like to read, Bared to You is the new Fifty Shades. Most notable difference....the main character gets a Brazilian.

Monday, August 13, 2012

In case you haven't seen my son getting waxed on U Tube, it's called 2 Dudes Get A Brazilian. It may seem strange to some people that a mom would wax her son's genitalia, but that's not how I look at it. It's just a body part, like the vagina, that shouldn't be hairy and it is my job to remedy the situation. But I had to laugh when one of my followers commented that waxing my son was truly hands-on parenting. I guess, in a way, it is.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Not only do I blog daily, I tweet. My name is SassySnatch. I like to share clever thoughts about this whole vagina thing. My first tweet describes it best: I tweet about twats. So I had to laugh when a new follower commented that I don't have a twitter account, but a twatter account. ~babbling about brazilians~

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A girl that normally shaves on a daily basis decided to grow her hair out and try a Brazilian since her boyfriend lives out of town. She didn't tell him she was getting waxed. When she got to his place and they started fooling around, he wanted to know why her lady parts felt different, because he couldn't believe how smooth it was.

Friday, August 10, 2012

When the girl from yesterday brought her friend in the room, she exclaimed "this is your vaginal debut!" ~Brazilians on Broadway~

Thursday, August 9, 2012

A client bought her friend in for a Brazilian. The new girl was very shy about taking her pants off. Her friend told her to drop 'em like a prostitute. It worked.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

When you come in for your first Brazilian, I often refer to you as a virgin. When a 28 year old bride to be came in and told me she was a virgin, she meant a real virgin in every sense. Strange to think that I was the first person to go between her legs.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

What grown woman calls it her sex? ~a confused Brazilian tech~

Monday, August 6, 2012

The girl from yesterday was nervous about knocking me across the room. I was nervous about her piercing flying across the room. ~brazilian anxiety~

Sunday, August 5, 2012

A bigger girl, who happened to be 7 months pregnant, came in for a Brazilian the other day with a couple friends. I always laugh a lot when she comes in, because she laughs like a hyena and thrashes around like she is having a seizure. During the service, her one leg was falling off the far side of the table and her other leg was up in the air being supported by my back. As I was preparing to rip, she yelled at me to be careful because I was a skinny bitch and she was afraid her leg was going to reflex against my back and throw me across the room.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Some men like to make their women suffer. It's a Christian Grey kind of thing. One particular man won't let his woman get a Brazilian. She told me her hair is so long she can curl it around her finger. That makes me cringe.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Group waxing is so much more interesting. Like when a girl asks her friend if her vagina is nervous. ~mark & m.e. home of the 10 minute brazilian~

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Unless you kick me or fall off the table, please don't apologize. I am used to squirming and swearing. I know it can be uncomfortable. And if you want to make yourself feel better, just watch my son and his friend get waxed on U-Tube. If you haven't seen it yet, it's called 2 Dudes Get a Brazilian. You'll understand why apologizing isn't necessary.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I am popular when it comes to vacation time. A woman needs a Brazilians before she goes on any kind of trip. One woman told me all she cared about on vacation was food and fucking. Glad I could help with the preparations.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Life is too short to work a job you hate. You'd be surprised how many opportunities are out there. Just look at me, for example. I absolutely love what I do for a living and it is definitely not the kind of profession that a little girl dreams about doing when she grows up. In fact, I never heard of a Brazilian Wax until I was an adult, but, boy, am I glad I did.

Monday, July 30, 2012

There is no need to be uncomfortable taking your pants off in front of me. If I have to do 20 Brazilians in one day, you would have to have a really funky vagina to make me even think twice about it.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

I am truly humbled by all of the women who travel over an hour to get a Brazilian from me. I am equally grateful for every single client who feels safe with their vagina in my hands. Today is a day of thanks.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Love all the women in their 60's getting Brazilians. Now we have to convince women in their 70's to try it.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Some things need repeating. I am not smiling because I enjoy hurting you. It makes me happy to think how great sex will be for you after I finish your Brazilian.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Now I have heard it all. I waxed a girl from North Carolina that had only gotten one Brazilian before and it took 2 hours. I don't understand.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A woman waited longer than usual between waxes, because she wanted a fresh Brazilian for a job interview. I was skeptical about what kind of job she was interviewing for. She laughed and said that getting a Brazilian made her feel more confident. I get that.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Our short tongued fellow was very well endowed so he shouldn't have been obsessing about the appendage in his mouth. That is not the body part that chicks worry about being short. ~Brazilian Wax Wisdom~

Monday, July 23, 2012

A man in his early 20's had never gone down on a woman because he was embarrassed by his short tongue. I have a client that was compassionate to his plight and came to get a wax so he could learn how to properly perform cunnilingus.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Guess who was able to get a Brazilian and Brow Wax and still have money left over?

Saturday, July 21, 2012

A woman got out of the shower and her man commented that she needed to see me. She told him she was waiting until her next pay check. He must have felt bad that she couldn't afford a Brazilian, because he offered to give her $150 if she gave him a blow job.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Yesterday's hairdresser actually corrected herself and said it looked more like furry boy shorts. Yes, her body was screaming for a Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

After 2 months without a Brazilian, it can look like a woman is wearing a furry bikini. I have a fun hairdresser to thank for that analogy.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

If you are going to the ocean this summer for vacation, you may want to consider getting a Brazilian. Saltwater and shaving are not a good mix. Ever see the aftershave scene in Home Alone?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

There are reasons women have babies. There are also reasons mostly women get Brazilians and not men. Check out my son and his friend getting ripped by yours truly.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Stretch please. ~your Brazilian yoga instructor~

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Although most people use hard wax for Brazilians, I prefer soft and I'll give you another reason why. A girl went to a salon that used hard wax for the entire pubic area. A clump the size of a half dollar hardened on her lips and the technician couldn't get it off. She picked at it for awhile, but the client started to bleed. She sent the client home and told her not to worry because it would wear off eventually. The girl's skin was trashed and it continued to get more irritated because she had to walk around with a dollop of hard wax stuck to her skin. She ended up picking the remaining wax off of her most delicate parts for days.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Women get excited after a Brazilian Bikini Wax because it makes them feel so good. I had a woman dance around bare assed in front of my window and tell me if she had a better body, she'd be flashing it to the world.

Friday, July 13, 2012

As I was finishing the front of a woman's bikini area, she asked me if I'd do her butt. I assured her that all Brazilians included that area. When I showed her the hair I removed from her backside, she said she knew a furry animal had died back there.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Some people fear Brazilians. Mark & M.E. clients are excited to get them. Why else would a woman moan "ooh aah, my hoo-haa!" after I was finished?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Groupon stories about Brazilians keep coming in. The most recent one was from a woman who said that the biggest problem was that it took almost an hour and the technician was uncomfortable touching her lady parts. She said that she kept going over the same areas again and again which left her very sore, she had to tweeze a ton of long hairs that she missed which took forever and, in the end, left her sticky and hairy. When she asked to have her backside done, the technician looked mortified but tried to get at the area. She asked the client to lie on her stomach and spread her cheeks which was awkward and, in my opinion, doesn't work well. The client told me it was a very long, painful and psychologically uncomfortable experience and she felt violated in ways she couldn't even describe.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

One of my clients is going to law school out of state. Every place she has gotten a Brazilian has cost her around $80 and has taken 45 minutes. She told me I ruined it for her because if she never went to me, she wouldn't know better. Sorry?

Monday, July 9, 2012

In the middle of doing a Brazilian, a woman said she called me a really bad name in her head. I'm sure that's never happened before.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

A girl said she really liked me because I was so vulgar. I asked her why she thought that. She said it was because I told her to give me her ass. I don't think that's vulgar. I just don't like the words rectum or anus. ~your Brazilian Booty girl~

Saturday, July 7, 2012

A nurse was apprehensive about rolling on her right side. But after I put the wax on, she said, "at least you aren't putting your finger in there." ~not your Brazilian proctologist~

Friday, July 6, 2012

In most cases, the hair comes in finner and thinner after you wax which is one of the main reasons Brazilians have become so popular. After only one visit to me, a girl said that she was shocked how much lighter her hair came in. She told me she never thought she'd be able to see her skin through her pubes.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The woman who thought it was going to hurt to poop after she got a Brazilian also worried that she was going to poop on me.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Believe it or not, I don't like fireworks. The loud noises startle me and the explosions make me nervous. But I do like fireworks in the bedroom, however. And that is why I have devoted my life to making hoo-ha's happy and their explosions electrifying. ~your creative Brazilian fireworks coordinator~

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

You need to be open minded if you do Brazilians for a living. Any question is valid and will be received without judgement. So when a woman asked me if it was going to hurt when she pooped, I just said no.

Monday, July 2, 2012

I'm smiling because I love my job and I know it's worth it. ~your happy Brazilian Wax Tech~

Sunday, July 1, 2012

A new client yesterday told me she had only had one Brazilian Bikini Wax before and it was a nightmare. It took the girl 2 hours to do it then her lady parts were red, sore, bruised and scabbed for almost 3 weeks after. By the time things felt good again, her hair was back.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I had a bachelorette party in yesterday for Brazilians. They laughed, took pictures. I highly recommend adding a group wax to your pre-wedding plans. Most brides get Brazilians anyways so why not be a part of her experience. And the best part is the bride hugged me before she left.

Friday, June 29, 2012

A girl repeatedly called me a monster yesterday during her first ever Brazilian amidst her continuous giggling. That was a first.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Another woman told me she worried that if she came for a Brazilian during her period, I would rip out her tampon and it would hit the wall and make a mess. Trust me, I wouldn't want that to happen either.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A girl wanted to get down and dirty with her man. He told her he'd wait until she saw M.E. ~your Brazilian Goddess~

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Several women have asked me if I use less wax if they are less hairy. When doing a Brazilian, it doesn't really matter how much hair you have. I cover the same surface area every time with the same amount of wax which means the same price. Salons who charge you more for the 1st time are taking advantage of you.

Monday, June 25, 2012

One of my client's told her boss to go to Mark & M.E. for a Brazilian. The woman said she was planning to go to a more conservative, upscale salon in the suburbs. My client had a co-worker that went to the other salon and said it was a long, excruciating ordeal and is so happy that she found me. The boss went to the other place anyways. It didn't go well. The co-worker told my client that "we may be low-class, but we get pain free Brazilians!"

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A lot of brides just get a Brazilian for the honeymoon and don't care after that. Believe me, after 25 years of marriage, my Brazilian Bikini Wax is an important now as it was then, if not more.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

June is fun at Mark & M.E. I saw a lot of bride's this week with their hairy bushes getting ready for the big day. It is so cool knowing that I am an important part of their wedding preparations. Even more fun has been all of the former client's who come to town for the weddings who stop by the salon to get a quick rip by me. The loyalty towards me and my Brazilian work is humbling. Thanks ladies.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Most people have never trimmed or shaved the hair by their rectum. A Brazilian Bikini Wax includes that entire region. When I put the wax on that area, most people tend to clench their cheeks together, because it is a strange sensation to have a popsicle stick with hot wax put on that part of the body. When I re-separate the cheeks in order to wax that area, the wax mixed with the long hair reminds me of cobwebs.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Actually, I would probably do just about anything Christian asked. ~your Brazilian sub?~

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

In 50 Shades of Grey, Ana does not get a wax. If Christian wanted me to get a Brazilian, I would have sprinted to the salon.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Our headache woman also told her husband that there were a lot of doctors at the hospital who were whores. She was determined to find someone to enjoy her Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Monday, June 18, 2012

The woman from yesterday told her husband if he didn't step up to the plate, she'd find someone who knew where the Ibuprofen was. ~your Brazilian storyteller~

Sunday, June 17, 2012

A woman came in all pissed off because she wanted to have sex and her husband said he had a headache. That was 3 weeks ago. ~your Brazilian shrink~

Saturday, June 16, 2012

A woman told me she had a nightmare about coming to the salon to get a Brazilian during her period. She said that when I ripped her lip, her tampon went flying across the room and hit the wall. Glad it was only a dream.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Tampon talk continues.... When the girl rolled on her side, it fell out. ~your Brazilian gynecologist~

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Tampon talk part 2. When a tampon is only inserted half way into the body, it doesn't like to stay there. So every time a woman moves, it inches its way out getting in the way of performing a thorough Brazilian.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Let's talk about tampons. I have absolutely no problem with any woman who comes in for a Brazilian when she has her period as long as she has a clean, fresh tampon in. I do have a problem, however, when the tampon is only put in half way.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

When a body part is covered with a lot of hair, it is often difficult to see what lies beneath. After giving a very hairy woman a Brazilian, she said "it really does look like a rose." Maybe after I finished it could finally smell like one too.

Monday, June 11, 2012

It's funny how life can turn out. I went from teaching toddlers to tending twats.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

A girl went to another salon in Rochester for a Brazilian that specializes in waxing. After a half an hour, the technician said her hair was too coarse to wax. During that time, she only removed a two by two inch patch of hair and there were a ton of strays left behind in that area. The girl called Mark & M.E. in a panic. We told her to come right over. I had her bald in five.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

A client of mine had two of her best friend's drive over two hours just to get Brazilians from me. They all were in the room together offering each other moral support. The first girl was very slender and needed her friend to not only hold her hand, but her leg as well. The friend couldn't believe how hard it was to hold the girl's leg up. When a woman is fighting the wax, they become like a person who is high on drugs. They possess an incredible amount of strength and sometimes I think they could move an insurmountable amount of weight. So if you are coming in for a wax and you're feeling like a weenie, feel free to bring in a friend to help me out.

Friday, June 8, 2012

There are a lot of bald pusses at the Dave Matthews Concert this weekend. ~Brazilians Rock!~

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I remember women by different things. For example, a girl came in yesterday that reminded me she was the one who's calves sweat. I remembered.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A clitoris the size and shape of a quarter. Couldn't believe it. Another first. ~your Brazilian informant~

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The whole naked and pain thing really freaks some girls out. A girl, who was obviously anxious about getting waxed, asked me if doing Brazilians was just clinical to me. I said yes, but more than anything, I think they are fun.

Monday, June 4, 2012

While a new girl was waiting for the restroom, she had her legs crossed and was rocking back and forth. She proceeded to tell me that her pussy was already hurting. ~silly Brazilian virgin~

Sunday, June 3, 2012

There is a reason we ask you to use the restroom before your Brazilian.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

A woman walked in the room and warned me that she was sporting a Fro-Gina. ~your Brazilian Soul Train specialist~

Friday, June 1, 2012

Brazilian waxes have increased among women who are reading "Fifty Shades of Grey."

Thursday, May 31, 2012

A girl texted her man when she got to our salon to tell him she was getting a Brazilian Wax because her vagina was a mess. He told her that her vagina was fine and he liked how her hair tickled his balls.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I wax a lot of runners. Brazilians make their work outs much more comfortable. One runner didn't have any hair on her backside even though the rest of her was really hairy. She told me that running chafes off her ass hair. She must run really hard.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A woman told her friend with benefits that she was going to Rio. She asked him if he wanted to meet her down there later that night. ~Brazilians, the perfect vacation accessory~

Monday, May 28, 2012

I can think of something very yummy your man can munch on this Memorial Day, and it ain't Zwiegle's. ~love that Brazilian!~

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Don't have dry sex. It's bad for the puss and aggravates it when you get waxed. ~your Brazilian Dr. Ruth~

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Someone called and asked if we waxed plus size women. My girl thought she said west side and was embarrassed because she didn't know what a west side woman was. For the record, I'll do a Brazilian on anyone.

Friday, May 25, 2012

A client told me that one of the benefits of getting a Brazilian is that she no longer cuts her finger nails with the razor when she is trying to navigate Down Under.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I have learned a lot from some of my clients that participate in the open relationship lifestyle. For example, if a woman has a man taking her from behind and has another man receiving her mouth from the front, it can be referred to as a spit roaster. Now, having a barbecue has a whole new meaning. ~learning about life one Brazilian at a time~

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My married girl of 20 years from yesterday was going to a party for swingers. I wax a lot of swingers, so no, it didn't shock me. In fact, I'm totally psyched that women are showing off my work in public.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I asked a married woman what she was doing one night. She asked me if I got shocked easily. I wax vagina's and talk about sex for a living. Hmm, what do you think?
~your shock proof Brazilian Technician~

Monday, May 21, 2012

A woman had bronchitis and couldn't stop coughing during her Brazilian. I told her I'd try to get her off as quickly as possible. I meant off the table.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

When I started waxing in the 90's, I would wax women completely bald but not know what to call it. We didn't have a name for it. Now a Brazilian Bikini Wax is a household term. That makes me happy.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

We are a family salon, and it is important to us that our clients feel like part of our large & wonderfully diverse clan. So when a mom and her 2 daughters get Brazilians together and all hang out in the room naked from the waist down after I finish, I was reassured that they felt like they were home.

Friday, May 18, 2012

A college girl told me I didn't look big or strong enough to do Brazilians for a living. Looks can be deceiving girlfriend.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

If keeping your sunglasses on helps, go for it.
~your Brazilian sunshine companion~

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Don't touch it, don't sit up and don't try to help.
Thank you.
~your Brazilian drill sergeant~

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A woman told me she needed anesthesia. Give me a break.
~your Brazilian Surgeon~

Monday, May 14, 2012

You really think I don't know you are swearing even if it isn't in English?
~your multi-cultural Brazilian Wax Tech~

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Whether or not you are a mom, if you have a vagina, you were born with the possibility of having a child. Therefore, even if you haven't succumb to a Brazilian Wax, today is the perfect day to celebrate that incredible organ between your legs.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Tell him you want his mouth for mother's day, even if you aren't a mother.
~your Brazilian Dear Abby~

Friday, May 11, 2012

Women can be very demonstrative during their Brazilian Wax. When they move around a lot, it can get messy. Women love to thrash their arms and legs around while I am trying to work on their lady parts. Recently, a girl looked at her friend getting the wax and said "how the hell did you get wax on your ankle?"

Thursday, May 10, 2012

"OOH my underwear feels so different!" The kind of thing I hear at work.
~another benefit of a Brazilian Wax~

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Rectal bleaching is more popular than you think. I had a client who used her facial bleach product on her anus. Nothing happened.
~your Brazilian Informant~

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

When you hear about rectal bleaching, it refers to the skin, not the hair.
~you Brazilian educator~

Monday, May 7, 2012

Some women like to wait a long time between Brazilians. A girl told her man she had an appointment with me. He told her he was happy she was going to skin the cat.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Three girls brought their friend in for her first Brazilian. They came in the room and stood around the head of the table, encouraging her and holding her down. She was squirming so aggressively that her head started falling off the end of the table. I had to grab her feet and pull her back to the center of the table. I couldn't keep her leg up to wax her lips properly because she was pushing it against me too hard. Happy to say, I was able to make her bald, amidst the yelling and fighting. A client waiting in the hallway could hear the commotion and suggested I charge a little extra to pay for the massage that I could definitely use after a difficult wax.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Someone called me the best in the Universe. C'mon now, the Universe?
~spreading the joy of Brazilians around the galaxy~

Friday, May 4, 2012

During my career, I've had a handful of women fall off the table as a result of their over dramatic behavior during their Brazilian. Normally, every drama queen has fallen off the table on the far side of me. Yesterday I had another 1st happen at Mark & M.E. A girl fell towards me. This actually worked out better, because I was able to catch her before she landed on the floor.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

In order to get to your parts, I need to separate them. It doesn't freak me out, so take a deep breath and let me do my thing. It's really no big deal.
~your Brazilian junk spreader~

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

One of my client's told her best friend she needed to go to Mark & M.E. to get a Brazilian because she was long overdue. The best friend offered to give my client's boyfriend his Safari Hat for his journey through the jungle.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Someone told me there is a Chinese Proverb that says if you love your job, you won't work another day in your life. I guess I haven't worked since the 90's. ~your unemployed Brazilian Wax Tech~

Monday, April 30, 2012

A girl with a lot of genital piercings referred to her snatch as her jewelry box. Thank goodness she had a Brazilian or her jewels would have gotten all tangled in her pubic hair.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

A woman walked in the room and told me I should be really proud of her. She was with a new guy and was incredibly horny. She was tempted to shave but didn't. And, since she was hairy, she held off sleeping with him. I am proud of her restraint and her sense to not shave. I had to laugh that she came for a Brazilian first thing the next morning so she wouldn't have to behave any longer.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sometimes I wake up feeling very beat up from all of the ripping that I do, but I can't imagine doing anything else for a living. ~Tyson's Brazilian Sparring Partner~

Friday, April 27, 2012

A woman referred to me as her Diva of Depilatory Wax. I like that. ~your Brazilian Diva~

Thursday, April 26, 2012

If you pee after your Brazilian and the toilet paper sticks to you, you didn't follow the directions on the clean up station very well.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Someone told me that a technician at another salon stopped doing Brazilians after a woman crapped on the table. In all the years I have been doing this, I am happy to say that has never happened to me.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Rectal bleaching is a legitimate salon service that we do not offer at Mark & M.E. even though I have had requests for it. That doesn't mean is hasn't been mentioned by many women while I give them a Brazilian. One client, in fact, told me she used facial bleach on her rectum to see if it would lighten it up. It did nothing. Oh,bummer.

Monday, April 23, 2012

When a woman comes in with pubic hair growing down her legs, up her stomach, and basically everywhere, I don't think it is very sexy. So when I get rid of all the hair and leave a little landing strip or triangle, I feel very satisfied with my effort. I completely landscaped one of my clients and couldn't help but exclaim how cute she looked when I finished. Her response, "only you would say it's cute." ~your Brazilian Bikini Beautician~

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I had a girl from New York City come in for a Brazilian. She normally leaves the inside of the lips hairy because she thinks it is too painful to wax that part. I'm not a fan of hairy lips and I think that it is one of the least painful parts to wax, so you know I had to persuade her to take it all. As she was leaving, she said she wished she lived in Rochester because it was the first painless wax she had ever gotten. Go m.e.!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A girl I used to wax in college drove in from Buffalo so she could get a Brazilian from me. The last salon she went to did not include the rectum with the Brazilian. If they did wax the backside, they called it an Australian because they were going down under. She didn't want to pay an extra $20 again for the technician to wax the entire pubic and rectal area. Not only was she humiliated when the girl put her on her hands and knees, she had a hard time holding herself up for nearly a half an hour. My rectal waxes are fast and free.

Friday, April 20, 2012

A friend of mine refers to being intimate as sexy time. I love the expression. In fact, I'd like everyone to have lots of sexy time with their silky snatches. ~Brazilian's Rock!"

Thursday, April 19, 2012

When you come in for a Brazilian Bikini Wax, it is important to remember this one thing. When I put wax on your lower abdominal area, don't sit up!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I got decorative glass panels to cover the fluorescent lights above one of my wax tables. Several women have commented how pretty and calming they are. One woman told me that although it was very peaceful, she knew I'd take that peaceful feeling away.
~your peaceful Brazilian wax chick~

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

You think a woman who performs Brazilians for a living has read and seen everything about them. Not so. Sunday night my husband and I saw the Vagina Monologues. I laughed a lot. I even cried several times. It was an emotional experience. If you haven't seen it yet, there are more performances around town. Check it out. All the proceeds go to a great cause. And I loved the fact that for two hours, all the women talked about was their Vagina's!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Part 3: Girl says she wants to kiss it. I say it's weird we can't reach it with our mouth. She sighs and says if she could reach it, she wouldn't need her boyfriend.
~the Brazilian conversations continue...~

Sunday, April 15, 2012

When the woman from yesterday said she wanted to kiss herself after her Brazilian, I made the comment that I always thought it was interesting that although God made us flexible human beings, he made it impossible for us to kiss our own genitalia.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Most women are excited to get a Brazilian by me. In fact, yesterday a woman was so excited when I finished that she said she wanted to kiss it.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm sorry but I can't give you a Brazilian in one swipe. You have too many nooks and crannies.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I was at the beach yesterday, and I couldn't help notice all of the women with red, rashy and irritated bikini areas. How is it possible that all women don't get Brazilian Bikini Waxes? Red bumps are not sexy. In fact, they need to be put away.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Orajel is not the best numbing agent to use before a Brazilian Wax. However, it could be a fun surprise to make you man's mouth numb. Just a thought.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

If you think about it logically, a technician needs two arms to properly perform a Brazilian Bikini Wax. So when a girl hangs onto my right forearm throughout the service, it makes it harder for me to do the wax and it hurts more because I can't hold the skin taut. But the most annoying part of this scenario that occurred last week is that I walked away with bruises on my arm.

Monday, April 9, 2012

I love knowing that men read my blog. Several months ago I told you about a girl who came to Mark & M.E. to get a Brazilian and she had her man's baby butter all over her. A husband of one of my client's said I should call it Baby Batter since the consistency changes after it has mixed with the woman. Good point. Thank you.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

All he has to find is your one egg. Hope you landscaped so he could find it.
~your Brazilian Easter Bunny~

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Today is my 2 year anniversary blogging about beaves. I started the blog in hopes of getting my manuscript published. Sadly, nobody has come forward to help me. If I can get someone to do something with my book, I still plan to blog. It should be pretty obvious by now that I love to talk about twats, cantor about cootches, praise the puss and, ultimately, make you laugh.
~your Brazilian Goddess~

Friday, April 6, 2012

I write about more than Brazilians. Check out my latest article.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Things can get sticky between a woman's legs during a Brazilian Wax. In order to get to certain parts, I put lotion on a woman to spread things apart. As I rubbed the lotion in, I removed the ball of her genital piercing. Another first.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Cheers to all of the women in their 60"s who are getting Brazilian Bikini Waxes!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Will the Easter Bunny be able to find the Golden Egg through the long, untamed brush? If not, time for a Brazilian.

Monday, April 2, 2012

A Brazilian Wax is not a four letter word. Just what comes out of the client's mouth is.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Women will cease getting Brazilians as a way to protect their virtue. I had a woman hold off waxing her legs for the same reason. She referred to her leg hair as her force field.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

You know I finished the Brazilian on the girl from yesterday who fell off the bed. Her sister held one leg, I held the other, and, the next thing she knew, she was bald.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Interesting day when giving a Brazilian to an 8 month pregnant woman is easier than doing a young, slender woman who thrashes so much after each rip that she falls off the bed.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

If you don't have someone specific to get a Brazilian for, that's okay. Pick up a copy of "50 Shades of Grey" and you'll have no problem enjoying your Brazilian on your own.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

If your man can go forever, it's time to be more creative in the bedroom. Long bouts of pounding can really make a woman sensitive, especially when she gets a Brazilian.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I don't understand why every woman doesn't get a Brazilian. Sex is better. If you feel the same way, tell a friend.

Monday, March 26, 2012

A girl asked her friend if she'd give her a Brazilian. The friend said she'd rather give her a kidney.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I did lots of Spring Cleaning this week on lots of lucky women. Hope everyone is taking advantage of their perfectly groomed lawns.
Cheers to Brazil in Spring!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

I received the nicest compliment. A woman told me that she felt more comfortable naked with me than in underwear at another upscale salon in Rochester. Thank you for that.
~your Brazilian BFF~

Friday, March 23, 2012

The first time a woman gets a Brazilian tends to be the funniest. After cleaning up, a woman said, "How am I ever gonna keep my hands off of it!"

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I wrote a post about spring cleaning your snatch. A Facebook Friend asked me if my type of gardening ever required pesticides. Unfortunately, sometimes it does.
~your Brazilian pest control specialist~

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

It can be interesting how referrals come my way. A woman mentioned to her boyfriend that she was thinking about getting a Brazilian. He told her that his ex-wife said that the owner of Mark & M.E. was really good and really thorough.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Weather is beautiful. It's the first day of Spring. Time to spring clean your snatch.
~your Brazilian gardener~

Monday, March 19, 2012

I have had some clients suggest that I send Beaver Reminder Cards when they are due for a Brazilian. I think that it would be pretty obvious that it is time for a wax when your man is choking on your pubic hair.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

So I'm a little obsessed with pussies. Got a problem with that?
~your Brazilian Goddess~

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A woman walked out of my room after enduring her first Brazilian and yelled, "a man must have invented that sadistic shit!"

Friday, March 16, 2012

A lot of people agree that farting is different.
~your Brazilian Gas Master~

Thursday, March 15, 2012

A man drove by the salon and noticed my car. It's pretty and yellow. When he got close to it, he read the license plate. It says "waxitall.' His wife mentioned that she wanted to get a Brazilian and didn't know where to go. He told her about the car and how it had a license plate that said something about taking it all off. Now I have a new client because of my car.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

As an adult, things are so different when you get a Brazilian and are bald. For example, I had a client tell me that farting was a lot different when you are waxed. Not only do the farts vibrate, they make a lot more noise.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A girl threatened to wrap her legs around my neck. Brazilians can be dangerous.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Jillian Michaels says that sex is good for your health. Mary Elizabeth says that sex is better with a Brazilian.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I had a guy come into the room with his girlfriend to film her Brazilian. He said he likes to document first experiences. When I lifted her leg, he couldn't see her parts, so he moved to the end of the bed. When he got close, he realized how red her skin was and that there was a little blood. His face got pale and I had to tell him if he was going to faint, he needed to sit down. So I have to ask you, who are the real pussies?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

In the middle of a Brazilian, a client said "you are a FREAK for doing this!" I'm okay with that.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Get a Brazilian and your man will pant for your pussy.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Today is my 700TH consecutive blog. Vagina's, rectums and women are a fascinating trio that keep me laughing on a daily basis. It has been a crazy career choice and I may be a little crazy, but I'm not done talking about twats yet, so stay tuned....
~your Brazilian Blogger~

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Couples often come in the room together. Men seem to like to watch their women get a Brazilian. I teased a husband about having to floss because his wife hadn't been in to see me in a few months. He told me he was on a diet.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I love it when my clients take a half or full day off work so they can get a Brazilian. That's dedication.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Getting a Brazilian won't give you an infection. There are a lot of reasons one can get an infection in the vag, but it's not from getting waxed unless the place you go is really nasty. You're safe at Mark & M.E.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Still liking the idea of the Ass Jack.
~your Brazilian inventor~

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I have written nearly 700 consecutive blogs about my intimate experiences with the female anatomy and their owners. The main purpose of this endeavor was to find someone to help me publish my manuscript called "The Happy Hoo-Ha" which is also about my experiences as a Brazilian Wax Tech. I would like to reach out again and implore anyone who finds me the least bit funny or interesting to connect me with someone who can help me spread my joy about the vag with others.
~your aspiring Brazilian writer~

Friday, March 2, 2012

After I told a friend about the girl from yesterday, she had an excellent suggestion. What if I were to develop a device similar to a car jack that would be able to separate the cheeks of women who can't hold their own asses apart.
~your Brazilian developer~

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I had a girl come in for a Brazilian who had a significant amount of Junk in her Trunk. She brought a friend in for moral support since it was her first time. When I asked her to roll on her side and lift her cheek, she said she couldn't because her ass was too heavy and her hand was too sweaty. This is when we had to ask the friend to come help hold her cheek up.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Today is a special day. The 29Th of February doesn't happen very often. Whether you have a fresh Brazilian or not, make sure to make this a day to remember.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I do read and appreciate all of your comments, The sad thing is that I can't figure out how to respond to them. There was a reader who said she refers to me as RipZilla. I like that.
~Godzilla's Brazilian cousin~

Monday, February 27, 2012

I understand there is a monetary commitment when you get a Brazilian on a monthly basis. That is why I am less expensive than most salons and why I offer cash and student discounts. Some women will do anything to make it happen. One of my girls actually rolled quarters in order to get waxed. I've never felt so proud.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I had another article published!
~your Brazilian writer~

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Snatches are like snowflakes. No two are exactly alike.
~Brazilian Wisdom~

Friday, February 24, 2012

Yesterday, I was seriously in entrenched in some deep, dark bush. Women who I haven't seen for months, like Thanksgiving or Summer. It was hard work and I am actually sore today. I think I need to ask my boss for some combat pay.
~your Brazilian Soldier~

Thursday, February 23, 2012

There is a lot more talk on Showtime about doing it in the back entrance. For almost 20 years, I've been waxing that area on women. I am glad that I have kept my girls prepared for anything all these years.
~your Brazilian girl, back & front~

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I'm sitting in a crowded airport at 5 in the morning looking around at all the women who probably need my services. Brazilians To Go. Interesting concept.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I'm sorry I don't have handles on my beds for you to hang onto. I have women who try to hang on to me, but if I can't use both arms to pull, your Brazilian experience is going to be a lot more painful. If you are the type of person that needs to hang onto something, bring a friend or a stuffed animal. You could also bring a dildo. That would be a great motivator to get you through the service.

Monday, February 20, 2012

There were a lot of women looking for Jesus in my wax rooms last week.
~your spiritual Brazilian leader~

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I had a woman use baby wipes on her feet before she hopped up on the table to help with her foot odor. Not a bad idea.
~hints of ways to love your Brazilian friend~

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I had a young girl come in for her second Brazilian who told me that when she left Mark & M.E. last time, she had very mean thoughts about me. But she came back. They usually do.

Friday, February 17, 2012

I had to remind another person that the decision to remove the rectal hair is not a subject that is open for discussion. It just happens.
~your Brazilian Dominatrix~

Thursday, February 16, 2012

One of my older clients told me that her husband offered to use conditioner on her bush because it had been so long since she had been in to see me.
~your Brazilian hairdresser~

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A girl needed a Brazilian but waited longer than usual so she'd be bald for Valentine's Day. Her boyfriend was talking dirty to her and asked her if she was getting wet. She said she wasn't because it was all getting absorbed in her hair.
~Brazilian Bedtime Talk~

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Today is dedicated to couples which is pretty obnoxious since there are a lot of people out there who aren't a part of a couple. So on this Valentine's Day, if you don't have a Valentine and can't find someone to enjoy your Vag, take matters into your own hands. It works better that way most of the time anyways.
~your Brazilian advice columnist~

Monday, February 13, 2012

Furry Fannies
Are No Fun.
~your Brazilian poet~

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Men love to contribute their thoughts on our pubic region. One of my girls hadn't been waxed in several months. Her husband started naming her bush. He referred to it as Abe Lincoln and Abdul, for example. When I finished her Brazilian, I told her to text her man and tell him that M.E. killed Abdul. She did.
~your pubic hair assassin~

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Women get very excited when they finish getting their first Brazilian. A girl sat up on the table, swung her legs over the side, looked down at her vagina and exclaimed "Wow, now I'm going to have to name her!"

Friday, February 10, 2012

A girl asked her fuck buddy if her snatch was a scratch-n-sniff, what would it smell like? He told her it smelled and tasted like strawberries. I asked her what she thought he'd say after I gave her a Brazilian? What would your man say?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Friction can cause breakage. Please don't bitch about it. Be happy you're getting some.
~your Brazilian consultant~

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Please don't let the idea of getting a
freak you out. It is a quick procedure that really isn't that horrible. I had a college girl that was so anxious she said she was going to throw up on me. Now that was another first.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Women are so funny about their bodies. I asked a girl to take her pants and undies off and she told me that the man she sleeps with doesn't even see her naked.
~your Brazilian friend~

Monday, February 6, 2012

I got a Facebook message from one of my regulars that said "I hope you get all pretty pussies today!" Thank you for such a wonderful sentiment. I hope so too.
~your Brazilian Beautician"

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Last night, Mark & I went to the Ballet. While we were waiting in the lobby, there was a middle aged couple blatantly staring at us and discussing our attire. The woman approached Mark, handed him a card, and said that she thought we'd be interested in what was on the card. It was an invitation to a local sex community. I think that could be the perfect venue for me to hand out my card.
~your Brazilian Madam~

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Is Scary.
Gets Mauled.

~your Brazilian poet~

Friday, February 3, 2012

When I roll you on your right side, it means we are just about done with the Brazilian. This moment can be a very exciting time in a woman's life. The best was when I asked a woman to turn away from me because we were almost finished and she yelled "Amen!"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Even though it usually takes me less than 10 minutes to give a woman a Brazilian, I tend to make people sweat. I don't keep the rooms that warm, but it can be a slightly embarrassing and painful experience for some women. So, during the winter, don't wear a heavy sweater during your appointment. The Popsicle stick slides off sweaty skin and makes the Brazilian more difficult.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

When a woman complains that her ass hair is getting tangled in her thong, I think it is time for a Brazilian.