Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I switched up the music in my wax rooms the past couple weeks. It's hard to decide what the best kind of music is to have on in the background while you are giving someone a Brazilian. A song came on during the wax that was so perfect that the client and I were laughing and singing to it. A man was looking for someone to ride his disco stick and I was getting her ready to do just that.

Monday, January 30, 2012

I got a message on Facebook from a client who's boyfriend wants his junk waxed. He said he wanted to experience what she went through when she got her Brazilian the other day. I told her to put duct tape between his cheeks, put in a pair of ear plugs and rip it off.
~your ever considerate Brazilian Wax Tech~

Sunday, January 29, 2012

A lot of women who get Brazilians leave some hair in the front. In honor of Valentine's Day, a woman asked me to leave a heart on the front of her pubis. I feel pretty confident that my heart on gave someone else a hard on.
~your Brazilian artist~

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I'm happy to say that Mark & M.E. has 4 wax rooms now, because we have several technicians that are able to wax. When one of my employees was waxing a man's back, he could hear the laughter going on in the other rooms. He asked my girl if there was a party going on at the salon? There sure was. It was a pussy party.
Your Brazilian Party Coordinator

Friday, January 27, 2012

Got an email from a girl who hadn't been in for a Brazilian in awhile. She requested an appointment and then asked the question... "can you say furry?"

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Waxing an area as sensitive as a puss can disrupt the natural PH of a woman's body. It is really important that you shower at some point after you have been waxed. [before is encouraged as well] It is even more important that after you shower, you don't put any lotions, powders or oils on the skin. External products can encourage the growth of bacteria or irritation. It is highly unlikely that waxing will cause an infection as long as the area is kept dry and clean after you are waxed. You even may want to wait a day before getting down and dirty with your man because condoms can really piss off the area as well.

Till tomorrow,
M.E. Your Brazilian Guru

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Another mature woman told me her husband would never notice she got a Brazilian. When she came in for the second time, I asked her if her husband noticed. She said that he never said anything, but she was getting a lot more oral.

Till Next Time,

Brazilian Extraordinaire

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I waxed a woman who has been married over 20 years who told me that her husband would never notice that she got a wax. When she came in a month later, I asked her if he realized she had gotten a Brazilian. With a big, happy smile and a surprised tone, she said "Oh yes, he did!"

Monday, January 23, 2012

Unless you kick me in the head or fart in my face, you do not need to apologize.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

It is incredible how much hair a woman can grow in three months. If you are used to being bald, long, thick hair can be uncomfortable. Having a lot of hair can also change the way you feel. One of my clients told me that the hair had become so dense that her sexual sensations were significantly diminished. Now we can't have that happen.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

There is a deliberate reason that my blog is called Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha.

Friday, January 20, 2012

A woman walked into my room and told me she had a full beaver damn down there.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

You know you're overdue when your husband offers to shave you.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I never thought I'd like Austin Powers, but I did. And I really liked Beyonce as Foxxy Cleopatra. But when a girl comes in for a wax with a bush that looks like Foxxy, I want to run back to the 70's.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I always find it interesting if the client tells their significant whether or not she is getting waxed. Some love the anticipation. Some like surprises. I asked a girl if her man knew she was at the salon. She said that although she never tells him she is going to Mark & M.E., she is convinced that getting a Brazilian must send off some kind of radar, because he always seems to know and is all over her when she gets home.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Holiday's allow for extra hoo-ha time. Hope everyone enjoys all my hard work.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

When you are growing out your hair for your first wax, it can be uncomfortable to touch or to have touched, because it tends to be scratchy and coarse. But when waxed hair grows in, it tends to be soft. It didn't surprise me at all when a girl told me that her man didn't mind her waxed hair growing in. In fact, he said he really loved to pet her kitty.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The only drawback to getting your 1st wax is that you have to let that prickly hair grow long enough. There are some girls that are planning to come to me but they are still in the GTB stage. Growing the bush.

Friday, January 13, 2012

A girl came in for a wax that I hadn't seen since October. She said her boyfriend had been nagging her to get a wax. He told her it looked like an animal was living down there. When I finished waxing her, I told her to tell her boyfriend that I killed the animal.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I don't like mean people and I really hate liars. I am inherently a happy, even tempered person that doesn't anger very easily. However, I am really frustrated that there are wax technicians around town bragging that I trained them when, in fact, I have not. I think it is a pretty shitty way for other people to drum up business.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The diversionary tactics that I use in my combat room include my humor and some nasty stories.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Sometimes I feel like I am working in a combat zone. But instead of a gun, my ammunition is hot wax and a Popsicle stick.

Monday, January 9, 2012

I have been writing for an online men's magazine the past few months. I really like telling guys how to take care of themselves and how to act. The creator of this site wrote an article about me and the salon that blew me away. Check it out. It was awesome. http://thesocialgods.com/thanks-to-a-terrific-writer-and-business-owner/

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I haven't waxed anyone in over 2 weeks and I am itching to get back to work. Or maybe I'm itching because my hair has grown back and I need a wax? Of course not! Waxed hair is soft when it grows in. Brazilian babes don't have itchy beaves.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

This is the year of No Excuses. So if you've never tried a wax because you are afraid, get over it. Now is the time.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Sometimes I have "what if" scenarios in my head. For example, can you imagine if it was career day in elementary school and kids were asked what their parents do for a living? I can imagine a child of mine saying that I work with animals. I'd expect the teacher to ask if his mom was a veternarian. Then my child would probably say that he thought I only worked with cats since I talk about pussies all of the time.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Part 3. So you start out the date with a man who says he wants to do you all night long. Then when the time comes, he wants a quickie. Then when you are doing it, it appears you are too loud and too aggressive. How does someone flip their switch so quickly? Listen up guys, don't get us all excited with your talk unless you are man enough to follow through.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The saga continues...So after my couple was mutually satiated, not only did the man continue to complain about his finger, he also complained because she yelled kind of loud in his ear when she came.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

i love hearing about my clients' sexual escapades. A man picks up his girl for a date and tells her that he can't wait to f" her all night. When they get back to his house, he just wants to do it. The girl tells him to slow down, because it's fun to play for awhile besides the fact that he said he wanted to do her all night long. When they finally start doing it, she is so caught up in the passion that she bites his finger. The dude yells that it hurt and stops the momentum. He proceeds to complain that she bit him throughout the night.

Monday, January 2, 2012

I need to take a minute and thank all of the women who have entrusted me with their precious pusses. This past year was incredible. Yes, I was kicked, sworn at, peed, sweated and farted on, pushed against and squeezed to name a few, but, most importantly, I met some really awesome women and I laughed. In fact, I laughed a lot and loved every minute of my job. So to all you amazing ladies with your luscious hoo-ha's, Thank you!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year. New Beginnings. New Ways to enjoy your wax.