Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Really hairy women tend to give me a similar satisfied smile when they put on their undies after a long, overdue Brazilian.

Monday, December 30, 2013

When a man has had a hairy back his whole life, there is nothing more rewarding then watching his face when he puts on a shirt after getting his back waxed for the first time.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Thank you for contributing to my Brazilian Cocktail list. My favorites were Vagatini and Not So Fuzzy Navel.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Ok gang, I need your help. I am creating a Brazilian Cocktail Menu and am looking for suggestions to add to the list. One of my creations is called the Crotchmopolitan. I am excited to see what you come up with.

Friday, December 27, 2013

The Urban Dictionary says that a Brazilian Wax is an extremely painful way of removing one's pubic hair. The person who wrote that definition obviously has never been to Mark & M.E.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Woke up this morning and realized I won't be doing another Brazilian for the rest of the year. It's a strange feeling.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

I believe in the spirit of Christmas and I hope I have ignited some positive spirit in all of my followers. Have a Happy Holiday and a Happy Hoo-Ha.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

When two sisters pressured their mom to get a Brazilian, I never expected her to try to knock me over with her leg, fall half way off the table into her daughter's arms, or cackle like a hyena so loudly that the clients on the first floor could hear her, but that is exactly what happened.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Society refers to having a lot of pubic hair as natural. Does that mean that all of the bald people in the world are unnatural? ~Brazilian Question of The Day~

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Not only did the Christmas Holly look like a bat, it kind of looked like a mustache as well. Maybe I should just stick to a landing strip. ~Baffled Brazilian Artist~

Saturday, December 21, 2013

A woman asked for a mistletoe. Her hair wasn't really the right texture so she left with what looked like Christmas Holly. Or maybe a bat. ~your Brazilian Artist?~

Friday, December 20, 2013

Sometimes the stress from getting a Brazilian will elicit hot flashes in women. And it's kind of funny when the bikini line gets all flushed.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I gave a motivational speech at Midtown last night. Believe it or not, I can talk about something besides Brazilians!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

And for those of you who saw Walden get that Gentleman's Brazilian, aren't you glad I don't put you on your hands and knees?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I saw Walden on Two and a Half Men get a Brazilian this week. It is the second time I saw someone get a wax on television where the technician was standing between the client's knees. Now that seems awkward.

Monday, December 16, 2013

I love when new clients go to our website and read the Brazilian Wax Helpful Hint list. I designed it to make the experience less intimidating and offer some hints to make it go easier. A new client wanted to know what I meant by "not fighting me," because she said she would feel bad if she did something wrong. It was the first time anyone ever really wanted specifics about what that meant and I truly appreciated her concern.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Last Sunday I had you check out the site that the woman from Australia graciously blogged about me and The Happy Hoo-Ha. This Sunday I would like you to take a look at the professional site I had done so that people can find something when they search my name on the internet. http://www.menesser.com

Saturday, December 14, 2013

An online review said my blogs, although anonymous, were unprofessional. I have tried my entire career to make what could be an uncomfortable and humiliating service fun and comfortable and I will not apologize. ~Your Proud Brazilian Blogger~

Friday, December 13, 2013

The funniest part of waxing the woman from yesterday was when I turned her on her side, she told me that I put her in a sexual position. No, that's not awkward.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

When a new client is really nervous about the pain, I start with the Happy Trail, because that area isn't very sensitive. As I was trying to convince a woman yesterday that it wasn't so bad, she said "of course that area doesn't hurt. It's all fat and fat doesn't hurt." ~Brazilian Strategy Compromised~

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

One of the book club ladies wanted to know the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me during a Brazilian. So many bizarre things have happened over the years that it was impossible to narrow it down to just one incident.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I was the surprise guest at a book club that was supposed to read The Happy Hoo-Ha last month. But, like most book clubs, the majority did not read the book. Fortunately, it really did not matter.

Monday, December 9, 2013

If Sasquatch was real, he'd hate me. ~The Brazilian Terminator~

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Please clink on the following link and read what this beautiful woman from Australia just blogged about yours truly. http://www.dailywithkate.com/

Saturday, December 7, 2013

I told the woman from yesterday who was admiring her Brazilian that her man wouldn't be able to stop touching her. She said she didn't care about him. She wasn't going to be able to stop touching herself!

Friday, December 6, 2013

A woman in her 40's was completely blown away by her first Brazilian experience. She said she hadn't seen her lady parts since she was a little girl. She admitted that after I finished the service, she was admiring what it looked like in the mirror from a variety of angles.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

One of my client's teenaged son developed a pilonidal cyst between his butt cheeks from hair that got imbedded and infected. He had to have the cyst drained to relieve the pressure and the pus. His doctor told him he needed to keep that area hair free. See, waxing is a medical necessity.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Women often come in for a Brazilian just to prove to themselves that they have the courage to do it but don't plan to do it more than once. Then they realize how amazing it is.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A was talking to a group of ladies and one of my friend's told them I had no filter. Now what fun would my Brazilians be if I had a filter?

Monday, December 2, 2013

Remember that I did not drag you into the salon by your hair (on your head or otherwise) and force you to get it done. You made the appointment of your own free will. So it isn't fair to fight me. ~Brazilian Rule #10~

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Don't eat beans before your wax. ~Brazilian Rule #9~

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Swearing is accepted and even encouraged. It seems to make the waxing experience more tolerable. ~Brazilian Rule #8~

Friday, November 29, 2013

Modesty towels are not available at our salon. I need to see your parts and towels just get in my way. ~Brazilian Rule #7~

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Today is a day that we are supposed to reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives. Like most of you, I am truly thankful for my family and my friends. But I would be remiss if I did not admit that I am also thankful for the discovery of Brazilians, because they have brought a lot of joy to my life. Although I am not sure that was what the Pilgrims had in mind.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Use the restroom before you get waxed, not only so you have a chance to freshen up, but so you don't pee on me. ~Brazilian Rule #6~

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Leave your dingleberries at home. ~Brazilian Rule #5~

Monday, November 25, 2013

Hanging onto my arms disrupts the laws of physics. If I can't use two arms to pull off the strip, it's going to get ugly. ~Brazilian Rule #4~

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Holding your breath is not recommended. Passing out has happened and actually scares the crap out of me. ~Brazilian Rule #3~

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Closing your legs doesn't make it hurt less. ~Brazilian Rule #2~

Friday, November 22, 2013

Your underwear needs to come off. It isn't negotiable. Sorry. ~Brazilian Rule #1~

Thursday, November 21, 2013

A college girl told me I was cool yesterday. I thought that was an awesome compliment. Because despite my chronological age, I am 21 at heart. I think this Brazilian Business keeps me young.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

When you do what I do for a living, anything can have a Brazilian reference. For example, I was watching Crocodile Dundee last night and there was a fire in the bush. I could not help but smile thinking of how I help women have more fire in their bush.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

A guy referred to his woman's bush as a tarantula, because she was overdue for her Brazilian. I guess in some ways it did look like a big, hairy spider. Don't worry though, I dismembered that bad boy one leg at a time.

Monday, November 18, 2013

I hate when my hair gets messy in the wind. So I guess if you don't believe in Brazilians, you better not walk outside naked today.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

One of my clients had an excellent idea about my locker room incident. She suggested that I make a sign that says "Fluff your Muff with your own hair dryer." Great idea. Although getting a Brazilian would ultimately solve the problem and remove the need for any electrical appliance.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

I am glad you all felt the same way about my locker room incident. Pubic hair does not have to be offensive. I think landing strips and martini glasses can be cute. But if you decide to leave some in the front, please remember that it needs to be properly landscaped so you don't need an electrical appliance to dry it. ~Brazilian Beauty Tips~

Friday, November 15, 2013

I was traumatized in the locker room at the gym yesterday. I was walking towards a naked woman who separated her pubic hair in three ceremonial gestures. She then proceeded to use the communal blow dryer to dry, not only the front, but the underneath as well. It was horrifying. I can understand that not everyone believes in Brazilians, but this was just not OK.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

You should never feel uncomfortable when you get a Brazilian by me. Your lady parts are just skin and hair. It might as well be your knee for all I care. And if you act all shy and embarrassed, it'll piss me off. And you never want to piss off the lady with the hot wax.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Six weeks from today is Christmas. If you want me to leave a Christmas Tree shape on you the next time you come in for a Brazilian, please note that you are responsible for lighting it up.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Fi fi fo fum I love when there is no hair on the bum. ~Brazilian Rhyme~

Monday, November 11, 2013

People have a love hate relationship with me. One minute I'm a bitch. The next I'm your best friend. ~Your Brazilian BFF~

Sunday, November 10, 2013

A guy asked his girlfriend when she was going to see the Miracle Worker, because he thought she was overdue for a Brazilian. Watch out Helen Keller, ME is in the house!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

There was a scabies outbreak at a local hospital recently. Those little buggers like warm, moist areas. Just another reason to get a Brazilian.

Friday, November 8, 2013

I received a wonderfully random email yesterday from a Brazilian client that I just had to share. "I was at the dentist for a six-month cleaning yesterday. Afterwards, they gave me a toothbrush and some floss. I had to laugh when I read the floss container because it made me think of your salon. The flavor was "Waxed Tutti Frutti." Clearly, my dentist and I have differing ideas about what a waxed Tutti Frutti is."

Thursday, November 7, 2013

My clients often apologize when they have gone a long time between waxes. One woman sent me an email apologizing for her fro. She said it looked like Soul Train down there.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Please remember that "No Shave November" does not apply to your pubic hair. Skipping a month between Brazilians is not good for anybody.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A woman came into the shop and bought eight copies of The Happy Hoo-Ha for her book club. When they meet next month to discuss the book, yours truly is going to make a surprise guest appearance.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Now that Daylight Savings Time has screwed up our sleep cycle, we still have an extra hour to enjoy our Brazilians!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

In my opinion, our government created Daylight Savings Time so we could have an extra hour to enjoy our Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

If you are worried about the Brazilian service being awkward, rest assured I will keep you entertained. Keeping you distracted makes it go faster and hurt less. Trust me, I got this.

Friday, November 1, 2013

A woman called the salon and asked if the "Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian" was just a gimmick, because she gets waxed at another salon in town that takes close to an hour. I assured her that the expression was based on fact. She wanted to know how it was possible to do it that fast. She also questioned whether or not we follow the direction of the hair growth or if we just slap the wax on haphazardly. I tried to explain to her that during my 20 years of experience, I have perfected an efficient method of waxing that works incredibly well and has made Mark and ME very popular. I truly hope she lets me wax her next time so she can see that it does not have to be such a long, arduous procedure but a quick and fun trip to the salon.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Some women should not wait months between Brazilians. Grey, curly, thick hair can be really hard to pull out. I told a client that her hair was a pain the ass. She told me I was a pain in her pussy.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A girl was waiting for her Brazilian appointment with me and was looking at my book. She opened up to a random page and read about the girl who wanted me to leave a mistletoe shape in the front of her bikini so her man would kiss her under the mistletoe. She thought it was weird that someone would want a mistletoe. I have to admit, I thought it was pretty clever.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Not only was my brow client from yesterday able to show emotion again, her face genuinely looked happier. Waxing has serious powers.

Monday, October 28, 2013

I waxed a ton of eyebrows last week. One girl had no shape at all to her brows. When I finished and showed her the mirror, she said that now she could show emotion again. ~the powers of waxing~

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Doctors claim pubic hair acts as a cushion during intimacy. I think cushions are difficult to clean, harbor dirt and dust, and often need replacing. I think I will stick with my wood furniture. Hardwoods love a good waxing.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

After an emotional breakup with her fiancé, a woman stopped waxing because she took a hiatus from any sexual activity. She finally got fed up with celibacy and called the salon in a frenzy begging for a Brazilian so she could end her dry spell.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Hair can generate heat & moisture. And perspiration tends to contain some bacteria which, in turn, can lead to break outs. So although it may seem like a good idea to save money and go longer between waxes this time of the year, don't blame the wax lady if your skin isn't as pretty under the Un-Enchanted Forest.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Being dehydrated can make your wax more painful, because your skin is composed of mostly water and is more resistant when it is not properly hydrated. A girl came in yesterday afternoon who hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. She found the Brazilian much more painful then usual. As she was cleaning up, she said that her body was definitely off limits to her man for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I have been blogging a very long time. And since I went two days over, I thought I would rhyme. I forgot to mark the milestone of 1300 consecutive days. I guess I must be in a vagina induced haze. ~your Brazilian Queen~

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

So the woman from yesterday who left the salon and went home to finish my book was successful in finding what I wrote about her. About a week after her first Brazilian, I asked her if she liked her wax. She told me she didn't like the way it felt when she farted.

Monday, October 21, 2013

A couple came together for her Brazilian. The husband told me he read my book but that his wife didn't finish it. I asked her if she came across the part that was about her. She said she didn't and wanted to know what I wrote about her. I wouldn't tell her, but I thought it was in the chapter "Crazy Shit People Tell Me." About an hour after they left the salon, she called us to say she found the part about her and thought it was hysterical.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

You know it's time for a Brazilian when you make your husband take your four year old to swim practice two weeks in a row, because you have too much hair sticking out of your bathing suit.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

As I was lighting candles in the hallway, I could overhear one of my staff members giving a woman a Brazilian. The client was doing multiplication problems aloud to keep distracted from what my girl was doing to her. Although the numbers she was multiplying were quite simple, she could not seem to come up with the correct answers.

Friday, October 18, 2013

The reason the man from yesterday came into the room was not for moral support for his girlfriend. He was hoping I would let him pull off one of the wax strips. When he asked me if he could do that, she started yelling, "You ain't touching me. She's the professional!" ~Your Brazilian Professional~

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A guy came in with his girlfriend to watch her get a Brazilian. He asked me if I ever did dudes. I told him I had waxed the cracks of two men's butt cheeks that week. He was completely shocked and said, "But we're dudes. We're supposed to have hair back there!"

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Attitude is everything and Brazilians give you a kick ass attitude.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

You can sit up and try to watch me give you a Brazilian, but it goes a lot quicker if you just lie back and let me do my thing. Besides, when you sit up, you risk getting smacked in the face when I'm ripping the top.

Monday, October 14, 2013

You know it's time for a Brazilian when you have to keep readjusting your panties because they just don't fit right.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A client told me she always feels skinnier after she gets a Brazilian. Skinny is good.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A girl told me she couldn't wait to get her Brazilian, because she was so excited to have smooth skin again. Amen sister!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Brazilian Theme Song. Slip, Sliding Away by Paul Simon. Like it.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Another brilliant email came my way. Brazilian Theme Songs. First one on the playlist...Welcome to the Jungle.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I gave myself a Brazilian after work yesterday. As I was driving home, I felt refreshed and exhilarated. I actually felt like I could fly! I really don't understand why everyone doesn't wax. It feels amazing.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Two friends came together for a wax. One was a regular. The other was a virgin. The regular told the virgin that she was going to like her Brazilian so much that she should plan on spending the entire day masturbating.

Monday, October 7, 2013

A man wanted to know what happened to his woman, because ever since she got a Brazilian, she has more frequent and more intense orgasms. She found M.E.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sometimes women ask me repeatedly throughout the service how many strips it will take until I am done. Sorry, but every Brazilian I perform is unique, so I cannot tell you exactly how many strips it will take. Besides, I am too busy talking to count.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Hair can generate heat. Heat can generate moisture. Moisture can generate yuk. Get a Brazilian.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Brazilians are for everybody. 2...3...400 pounds? I don't care as long as I can get to your parts.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

I have a lot of clients trying to convince their moms to get Brazilians. And I have to laugh because most of the moms in question are around my age. What they don't know is that many of their moms already come to me and they just don't know it.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

New clients get so nervous when Mark answers the phone, because they are afraid that a man will be doing their Brazilian. Rest assured there are only women at Mark & ME that do the Brazilian Waxing. Mark is only allowed to do a Brazilian on yours truly.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Did you know you can make an omelette in your anal cavity? It is called a Portuguese Breakfast. It is a new expression I learned while giving a woman a Brazilian. I cannot decide if it is clever or simply revolting. I do know that I am going to stick with Brazil and stay far away from Portugal. And I may never eat an omelette again.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Women often complain that their vagina feels hot after they get a Brazilian. Hello... making you hot is the point!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

A girl left the salon after getting her first Brazilian, called her best friend, and told her she couldn't feel her vagina.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Once again a woman told me she waited months between Brazilians because being hairy kept her from having sex. She complained that it hurt more. The wax may not be the only thing that hurts after such a long hiatus.

Friday, September 27, 2013

There are days when I want to use a hose. ~author of Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha~

Thursday, September 26, 2013

I can understand being addicted to sex, but not with myself. ~Baffled Brazilian~

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

If my man told me he didn't want to have sex with me because he was addicted to masturbating, I would get a new man. ~Brazilian Advice Doctor~

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

When you're feeling sad and blue. Let your waxer do something nice to you. I'll rip your hair nice and fast. And promise then you'll have a blast.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Yesterday's scenario is just another example of why getting a Brazilian is not a luxury but a medical necessity.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

If your hair is really dark and coarse, it can be very uncomfortable to let it grow out long enough to get a Brazilian. During the growing out stage, one of my client's had relations with her fiancé. Afterwards, he told her that "her shit down there really messed up his shit down there."

Saturday, September 21, 2013

A girl got on the table and said she was a baby. I told her I waxed lots of babies. She said she was really nervous. I assured her I was really fast. When she lifted her leg in the air, she said she was afraid she was going to kick me. I told her I've been kicked before and that she wasn't big enough to hurt me. I completed her Brazilian without crying, a nervous breakdown or injury.

Friday, September 20, 2013

There should be a warning on a Brazilian, because when there is no hair to create friction, things can get very slippery.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I have been asked to be the entertainment at a bridal shower. Since Mark & I have been married nearly 27 years, I do Brazilians for a living, I wrote a funny book, and I have stories galore that I love to tell and share, the bride asked me to do a question & answer/storytelling gig at her party. Could be a new career.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I dare you to tell a random person about your Happy Hoo-Ha and report back to me how they respond. ~spreading the Brazilian word~

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I'm going to touch you where you pee and where you poop. Get over it. ~your thorough waxing specialist~

Monday, September 16, 2013

How different my life would be if I still taught first grade. For starters, seven years old girls naturally have Brazilians.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

A 39 week pregnant woman, who was expecting her second child, came in for a wax. Soon after we started her Brazilian, she felt a lot of wetness between her legs. It appears she passed her mucus plug upon getting on the table. I suppose most technicians would have been grossed out by all of the gunk that was coming out of her, but I have to admit that I was pretty excited. So we took a break from the wax, I gave her some wipes, she cleaned up the area, and we finished her wax. I was kind of disappointed that her water didn't break, because that would have been really exciting, but knowing that she was one step closer to having this baby was pretty cool as well.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

When I researched the negative side effects of our Benjamin Buddies, the first thing I saw was that "your vagina gets so muscular that it chokes cocks to death." I think that could come in handy. ~Brazilian research continues...~

Friday, September 13, 2013

Now I'm thinking I may have to get me some of those Ben Wa Bad Boys. ~expanding my Brazilian Horizon~

Thursday, September 12, 2013

So what happens when you're walking through Wegmans and your Ben Wa Balls start to fall out? Do you nonchalantly try to shove them back in or just pray they don't fall out off your panties onto the floor? ~Brazilian Dilemma~

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I did not realize that some of my clients wear Ben Wa balls in their vagina all day long to strengthen the muscles between their legs. A woman was worried about keeping the balls in her vagina during her Brazilian, because she was afraid they would shoot out and break one of my windows when she flinched.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A young hoo-ha may look prettier, but an older hoo-ha has the power.

Monday, September 9, 2013

It is becoming more popular for men to get between their cheeks waxed. We weren't sure what to call it on the price list. But, the more I think about it, the more I like Crack to Sack.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

If we were built like baboons, then we wouldn't need to wax our asses.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

No one should have rectal hair. Not men, women or even dogs. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, you know. ~Hair removal wisdom~

Friday, September 6, 2013

The Sphynx Cat, or hairless kitty, is fun to pet.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

When a girl told me she couldn't get a Brazilian last week because it was Shark Week, it took me a minute to realize she wasn't talking about the t.v. show.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

If you color the grey hair on your head, then why are you OK with grey hair down below? In my opinion, you have two options: you can color it or you can wax it. Not only does grey pubic hair make you feel old, it can be coarse and uncomfortable. So do yourself a favor and get a Brazilian. This way no one will know it is grey and your aging lady parts will be our little secret.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I have been doing some research on Merkins and I still cannot believe that anyone would wear a wig between their legs. -befuddled Brazilian girl-

Monday, September 2, 2013

Holidays are a great time to enjoy your Brazilian. And if you don't have anyone to share it with, go find BOB.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Not only did she have me in a pretty strong scissor hold, she hung onto my ass for support. Brazilians can be very intimate.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

A girl actually scissored me with her legs during her Brazilian. Another first.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Many moons ago, I had a baby on Labor Day. The following year, I had another baby on Labor Day again. It is funny, because I did not know what Brazilians were back then and I did not have one. Now I cringe at the thought of being hairy on this momentous holiday.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

No one has ever thrown up on me during a Brazilian, and, honestly, I have never worried about that happening either. Yesterday, there was a close call.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A man was curious when he learned his girl made an appointment to get a Brazilian. He wanted to know if I was going to touch her where she pees. I never really thought of it that way, but I guess I do.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Getting cheated on is bad. Getting cheated on while you're pregnant is worse. But getting cheated on with a prostitute while you're pregnant deserves dismemberment. ~Brazilian Vigilante~

Monday, August 26, 2013

Women scream some interesting expressions when they get Brazilians. "Fuck Balls" is one of my favorites to date.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Seeking twitter fans to help me meet Howard Stern. I think he'd love Sassysnatch & The Happy Hoo-Ha. If I can get more friends to hashtag Howard on my behalf, maybe I'll get a chance. Let me know your message. And remember, life is good when your Hoo-Ha is Happy.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

A young woman took off her pants and I noticed that her black pubic hair actually looked gray. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was completely covered with baby powder. ~another Brazilian no-no~

Friday, August 23, 2013

One of my clients got a Groupon for a Brazilian at another salon. The girl didn't wear gloves and refused to do the inside of the lips and the butt. And, oh yea, she took a really long time. Happy to have the client back at Mark & M.E.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

If I skip the sac, men are actually much easier then women to wax.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I almost sprayed someone's parts with Febreeze yesterday. ~bewildered brazilian tech~

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Research has determined that, in today's society, being bald is more visually appealing. I agree. ~go Brazilians!~

Monday, August 19, 2013

I hope everyone has a Happy Hoo-Ha kind of day.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

It's the middle of the day and a girl comes in for a Brazilian and says "don't mind me, but I've haven't showered yet today." Really?

Saturday, August 17, 2013

A man told me that he got Brazilians, because it was better when he wiped his ass. Agreed.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Rip Rip Fizz Fizz Ah what a relief it is. ~Brazilian Satisfaction~

Thursday, August 15, 2013

A woman made faces at me, tried protecting her privates but got wax on her hands, growled at me, then told me she hated me. It wasn't her first Brazilian with me either. Another example of a love-hate relationship.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A girl kept grabbing her lower stomach while I was trying to do her Brazilian. I asked her to move her hands. She said she didn't want to, because it was comforting to hold onto her fat.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Sometimes blood will seep through the pores during a Brazilian. Don't let that deter you from getting it done. There is never that much blood that a vampire would ever take notice.

Monday, August 12, 2013

The average Brazilian takes me less then 10 minutes, so there is no reason to pop a zombie pill. The process is really no big deal. It's the afterward that is the amazing big deal.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Fuck is the number one swear word said in the waxing room. When a girl screamed "Holy Fuck" the other day, I told her that I love when fucking becomes holy.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

As many of you know, we have a small dog named Bandit that often comes to the salon. There are times that you may have even seen Mark grooming him. Yesterday, a girl said she was going to ask if we did pet grooming when she called for the appointment. Since Mark does such a good job with Bandit, I thought she really wanted her pet groomed. Nope, she meant the pet between her legs.

Friday, August 9, 2013

The same cop said he'd rather be in a fist fight every day of the week and twice on Sunday's then get the middle of his back waxed. ~waxing men are so funny!~

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I was waxing a cop's back when he said he'd rather be tasered then have his neck waxed.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I don't understand why people cop an attitude when they come in for a Brazilian. Don't they know how much power I have with that hot wax, Popsicle stick and their privates? A girl found us online and read the reviews and checked out our website. She walks into the salon and asks me, in a fairly rude manner, if I have any experience. I smiled and said that not only have I been waxing for 20 years, I also wrote a book about it. So, yea, I have a little experience.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Who needs shark week to live dangerously? Get a Brazilian!

Monday, August 5, 2013

It hurted. It hurted, said the new client. Yep, sometimes proper English goes out the window when you get a Brazilian.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Men try to be so strong when they get Brazilians, but you know they are dying when they grit their teeth and beg me to be done down there.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Apple peaches pumpkin pie. I got a Brazilian and now I can fly!

Friday, August 2, 2013

I had to drag two new clients in from the parking lot. They were so nervous about getting their Brazilians, they were just standing next to their car not making any effort to walk towards the entrance.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

A girl stopped waxing because her man was being lazy and wasn't grooming his junk. One day, he sent her a picture of his bad penis. She called me right away.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

In ancient times, it was a sign of purity for the aristocracy to remove all of their pubic hair. I don't know about you, but removing all of mine makes me have very impure thoughts. ~Ancient Brazilians~

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

If you're mean, one day karma will probably bite you in the ass. And if you're mean, I bet you have a hairy ass. ~waxing wisdom~

Monday, July 29, 2013

I think it would be tough to do Brazilians in South Carolina, because the locals seem to have such poor diets. Everything is fried, has cream or cheese sauces, and there is bacon on everything. I have never seen so many different fried chicken joints in my life. The flip side of the equation is that I have never met so many genuinely friendly people in my life either. Maybe fried chicken is the secret to a happy life.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

I was watching an elderly couple have breakfast at a Waffle House in South Carolina. The man was soaking his bread in his glass of water before eating it. That had to have made it easier to eat since he had no teeth. I couldn't help but think that the no teeth thing could be kind of fun for her. ~Southern Brazilian Humor~

Saturday, July 27, 2013

A girl didn't know where to put her hands during her Brazilian. She tried holding her low stomach but got wax on her hands, so she decided it was best to hold her boobs.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Twiddly dee Twiddly dum You got a Brazilian Now you'll get some

Thursday, July 25, 2013

After I finished popping one of the Brazilian Cherries, she got dressed, sat down to wait for her cousin, and yelled, "my pussy has a heartbeat!"

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I popped 4 Brazilians Cherries yesterday. There was some yelling and lots of sweating, but, no worries, I used protection. I kept my black glove on the whole time.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I wanted to give a shout out to the client that noticed our online yellow page site was totally messed up. Days, hours, services,forms of payment, description....basically everything was wrong. It's a miracle you have found us! But I did check the reviews, and they were outstanding. My second shout out of the morning is to everyone who wrote such awesome things about us. Feeling very loved this morning. Thank you!! ~your Brazilian Servant~

Monday, July 22, 2013

If a woman has a hoo-ha, does that mean a man has a hoo-hang? ~Brazilian curiosity~

Sunday, July 21, 2013

When I encounter unpleasant lady parts, I just try to find some humor in it. ~my Brazilian coping mechanism~

Saturday, July 20, 2013

When I was in beauty school, I tried to get out of taking the wax class, because the idea of waxing any body part on someone scared the shit out of me. Oh, how things have changed.

Friday, July 19, 2013

By the time I roll you on your side, we have cemented our friendship. No worries, I have enough room in my heart for as many BFF's as I can find. ~your Brazilian Friend Forever~

Thursday, July 18, 2013

My license plate says wax it all. Someone thought it said wax tail. That works too.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A girl told me that she hated wearing a weave in the summer because they are so hot. I told her that is why she needed to keep up with the weave down below. ~Brazilian Advice~

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Celebrate your Happy Hoo-Ha with a quick rip and a laugh.

Monday, July 15, 2013

A man was so nervous and sweaty during his first Brazilian that he rolled onto his side and right off the table.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


You buy a Groupon for a Brazilian. She burns your skin so badly that you can't exercise or play with it for several days and need to use Neosporin on it just to be comfortable enough to walk around. Once the burn subsides, you realize she broke your hair and now it's stubbly. That's what I call a deal.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

A dollar

A man came into the room with his wife for her wax. While her leg was in the air, he put a dollar on her stomach and told me it was all I can eat under a dollar.

Friday, July 12, 2013


Brazilians give you a sense of confidence that is hard to explain.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

scratch n sniff part 2

I think he'd prefer to sniff what is beneath your panties. ~Brazilian Wisdom~

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

scratch n sniff

During a bikini wax, I commented on how cute a girl's kiwi panties were. She said they were scratch and sniff that lost their sniff.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


When a girl tells me she has a vajungle down there, I am tempted to put on my camouflage. ~working in the Brazilian Jungle~

Monday, July 8, 2013


I asked a girl how the dating scene was going. She said, don't you mean the f'ing scene? Brazilians are appropriate for all kinds of relationships.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

selectively deviant

I'm reading a book where a couple talk about being selectively deviant. I was thinking that it has to be more fun to be selectively deviant when you've had a Brazilian.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

another book?

I am actively working on my next book, and I didn't want to do another chapter on hygiene. If people don't stop presenting nasty situations in my face, however, I may not have a choice. ~your frustrated Brazilian author~

Friday, July 5, 2013

machete time

A woman walks in the room and tells me that before she takes her pants off, I should go get my machete. ~Brazilian Combat~

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy 4th!

On the 4th of July We celebrate we're free So enjoy the Brazilian You got at Mark & ME

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

surgery vs waxing

A client told me she would rather get a boob job then a Brazilian. I think both are good.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Love to rhyme!

Rain rain go away. I got a Brazilian and want to play.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Create your own fireworks without the dangerous sparks. Get a Brazilian.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

A client asked me to talk about chub rub. I wish I could find something funny to say about it aside from the name. So here's what I got. If you use a lot of powder, the skin can get so dried out that it may get pretty raw when I wax over it. Some chicks use deodorant. That can help with the discomfort. But if your skin is pretty chafed, do me a favor and exfoliate then moisturize the skin before you come in. Makes it easier to wax.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A very healthy, holistic woman told me that the only time she takes Advil is when she comes to see me. Whatever it takes. ~another wax coping mechanism~

Friday, June 28, 2013

If sticks and stones can break your bones, then coarse pubic hair could really maim you. ~more wax wisdom~

Thursday, June 27, 2013

If the average technician takes 45 minutes to do a Brazilian, do you think they are afraid of the vagina or really, really like it?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I met a woman who was married for 18 years and never consummated her marriage. Her husband tried twice but it died upon entry. She told me she should have bought stock in Duracell. ~sad wax confessions~

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A girl brought her friend in for a Brazilian. While I was waxing the visibly uncomfortable friend, my regular client was laughing hysterically saying how much fun it is to be sitting in the chair.

Monday, June 24, 2013

I was waxing a man whose penis kept getting smaller and smaller the closer I got to it. His only comment was "I can't imagine anyone getting aroused!"

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My children are priceless to me, and I think it's ironic that they all came out of my Happy Hoo-Ha.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

A client suggested we create a soap opera called The Bald and The Beautiful. My head has been spinning with ideas. I definitely have enough wax stories for an ongoing series. Bring it on Hollywood. I'm ready!

Friday, June 21, 2013

I need my own version of Taxi Cab Confessions. People share incredibly personal and outrageous things during a Brazilian. But what to call my new TV reality show? Total Cootch Confessions?

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Beware of the bald beaver. They get feisty with no hair. ~wax wisdom~

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Being bald makes you ballsy. ~another Brazilian fact~

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

You can also make things more efficient by wearing a skirt and going commando. ~Another Brilliant Brazilian Tip~

Monday, June 17, 2013

I'm sorry if you think I'm rushing your Brazilian. Actually, I'm just extremely efficient and extremely hyper.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

A girl who came fresh from a shower, walked in the room, took off her pants and discovered she had just gotten her period. She cleaned it up, got on the table, and I gave her a Brazilian. When I was just about to finish, I suggested she go for a drink to celebrate her first wax. Since it was only 8:30 in the morning, I suggested that she get a Bloody Mary. Then I pointed to her vagina and then to myself and said, "get it? Bloody Mary."

Saturday, June 15, 2013

A man and woman came in and got a Couples Brazilian Wax. It was a little different then a Couples Massage.

Friday, June 14, 2013

One of the fours ladies from yesterday left her heels on during her wax. They called it a porn star wax. We have lots of those at Mark & ME.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Four co-workers came together for a wax. They all walked into the room together for the appointment. I had waxed 2 of them before so they were comfortable at Mark & ME. One had been waxed elsewhere. The 4th was a wax virgin. She looked around the room with the 5 of us in there and the closed door and exclaimed that she didn't realize getting Brazilians was a group activity.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I have dozens of women who take Vicodin before their Brazilian. For me, the stomach ache I would get from the Vicodin would be way worse then the wax could ever be.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Last night I had a neck MRI that lasted 45 minutes and all I could think of is why anyone would lie on a table for that long to get a Brazilian. It's Barbaric!

Monday, June 10, 2013

A lady told me it was a treat to get her butt-hole waxed. I can't really say that it is a treat for me.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Referrals are great, because it can help a woman get the inside scoop on this whole mysterious Brazilian thing. I love to hear the advice that people get from their friends before coming to Mark & ME. One woman was told to make sure she kept her hair scarf on so she didn't get color on my pillow.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Women often wait a day to have sex after they've gotten a Brazilian, because it can be tender to use it the same day. I actually had a man tell me that he was going to wait a day after I gave him a Brazilian before using it, because he felt pretty tender as well.

Friday, June 7, 2013

I was telling a married couple about a nasty encounter I recently had with a client who obviously hadn't showered in days. Then I told them a crazy story about a new man that I waxed. That's when the man looked at me and said that I am officially a prostitute, because I will do anybody, no matter what.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

I told the guy with the retractable penis that looked like a cigar nub that his penis was afraid of me. And it was. ~the Brozilian terminator~

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

When I finished giving a man a Brozillian, he sat up, looked down and said he couldn't believe how much his penis had retracted. Retracted? No, that bad boy was trying to disappear.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I use the same facial wax to remove any body hair on any body. It doesn't matter if the hair is long, short, curly or straight. It especially doesn't matter what color it is, even though red head's are often stubborn. But when I hear about a salon charging black girls more because they supposedly use a more expensive wax on their coarse hair, I get pissed off. That is a bull shit excuse to charge more money.

Monday, June 3, 2013

When you lie down on my table and all of your pubic hair is visible, then I do not consider you a big girl. If I can see it, then it'll be no problem to wax it. So I had this lady apologize for being fat and I told her she was fine and why. She started laughing hysterically and said it was the first time in her life she was told she wasn't fat because her vagina was easily in my face.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Things, for the most part, really don't gross me out. In fact, I'm thinking about starting a picture book of all the different shapes and sizes of hemorrhoids I see all day. Some look like flesh colored candy corn. Some look like cauliflower. Some look like bouquets of flowers. Don't avoid getting a Brazilian because you have hemorrhoids. Bring it on! Who knows, you just might make the book.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

When it is hot and humid out, area's under clothing tend to get extra hot and sweaty. Just a pleasant reminder. ~your wax educator~

Friday, May 31, 2013

Face it, I'm a story teller. I just using Brazilians as my venue to share my crazy experiences. I got the sweetest compliment from a woman who said that she wished her hair grew faster so she could come in more often to hear more stories.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

"So... you, me, friday around noon, hot wax and my leg in the air...what do you think?" I get the best emails.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

During a Brazilian, a woman told me she was sweating so bad that she was worried she was going to sweat her weave off.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

During a Brazilian, a woman moaned and said that the warm wax felt soooo good that she didn't care if it sounded weird. In fact, she said I could go ahead and blog about her. So I did.

Monday, May 27, 2013

It is not uncommon for me to dance or sing during your Brazilian. And don't be surprised when I get super excited if I remove a nasty ingrown from your bikini area. Although you may think my optimistic behavior is peculiar, I think you should be thankful that you have met someone who really loves her job.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

I used to stand by the facial waxing chair for hours waxing one brow after another. Now I stand next to a massage table waxing one bush after another.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

A young Asian guy with a large backpack walked into the salon yesterday looking around quizzically. He wanted to know what kind of establishment we were. He wanted to know what a Brazilian was. He asked if we did things to the whole body. I think he thought we were a Bordello.

Friday, May 24, 2013

A client of mine gave a copy of The Happy Hoo-Ha to a friend that was going to Italy. She told her that after she finished the book, she had to give it to someone it Italy. I thought that was so cool. Hopefully one day, everybody will know how important it is to have a Happy Hoo-Ha!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Women get paranoid about having sex when they are hairy. Many tell me that they make their guys wait until they get a Brazilian before they will do it. Although I am the biggest fan of being bald, do you really think they care?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Another girl told me it felt like I punched her vagina. Not for nothing, but I am the one who normally gets hit during a Brazilian.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

After her first Brazilian, a girl told me it felt like her vagina was hit by a bus. Dude, it's not that bad. Can you imagine being hit by a fucking bus?

Monday, May 20, 2013

Two days ago I told you about a client who found out her boyfriend of 3 years was cheating on her because she contracted chlamydia. I forgot to tell you that when he finally admitted his indiscretion, he said it was only once and he didn't finish because he realized how much he loved the girlfriend. This man deserves a Brazilian Knockout!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Definition of Hygiene: Hairless Yummy Goodies Imaginatively Eaten Naturally Enticing ~Brazilian Wisdom~

Saturday, May 18, 2013

It is always interesting how people find out they are being cheated on. A girl thought she had a mild yeast infection so she goes to the doctor to have it checked out. They call her the next day to tell her the test was positive. Yeast infections aren't normally referred to as positive or negative. She was in a three year relationship and hadn't asked for any STD testing. Turns out, she had contracted chlamydia. So there were no Brazilians while she got rid of the STD and got rid of her man.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Gynecologists must love me.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

A woman decided to stop shaving and start waxing because her coarse pubic hair was damaging her nicer panties. She said it was time to control her velcro bush.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A woman told me she needed "No More Tears" on her tangly ass hair but decided that getting a Brazilian was an even better idea.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I have a lot of female clients that bring in their gay male best friends to watch them get a Brazilian. I often wonder if seeing a hairy vagina is a good way for man to stay committed to his sexual preference. I know it keeps me committed to the cock.

Monday, May 13, 2013

A gay guy came in for a wax and said he was really excited to meet me because of my name. He told me that gay guys call each other Mary but really flaming gay guys call each other Mary Elizabeth. When I decided to go by Mary Elizabeth, I didn't know if people would think it was a pain to say which is why I also go by M.E., but it's pretty cool to think my full name is popular with a whole community!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Since every woman has the potential to be a mother, then every woman should be getting some good Brazilian loving today, even if it's with her BOB.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

My son was hanging out with a group of girls the other night who said they knew me. A few of them had even gotten Brazilians by me. The one girl commented that I knew her pussy intimately. My son told her that, at that moment, he was very jealous of his mom.

Friday, May 10, 2013

A client saw a bumper sticker in Orlando that said "Got Brazilian?" That is perfect.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

roses are red violets are actually purple sugar is definitely sweet and hairy crotches are nasty (nothing rhymes with purple)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Did another hugger. And what does that mean, you may ask? When I rip, the woman sits up and grabs on to some part of my torso. Every time. ~Brazilian Bonding Moment~

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

A friend of mine wanted to know if men are doing Brazilians to make their junk look bigger.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Although it is possible to have good hygiene without a Brazilian, it is much easier when you have one.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

I think using the description that "sopranos are made here" may deter some men from getting a Brazilian.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Crack to sack is definitely the funniest. ~Male Brazilian Naming Contest Continues~

Friday, May 3, 2013

Yesterday, Mark & ME announced that we will be adding Male Brazilian Bikini Waxing to our services. The response was overwhelming. My girlfriend even suggested we give it a unique name, such as Brozillian or Guyzillian. Any other ideas?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

If you have any friends that use deodorant "down there" to keep fresh, please tell them that nothing will make them feel cleaner or more fresh then a Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Brazilians can cause grown women to speak in gibberish.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Check out this email I got yesterday. I just was thinking that childbirth really prepared me for my Brazilians. I'm never quiet but I didn't make a peep with the pain of push my boy out...sometimes I believe childbirth and Brazilians are the same...I would never go through that much pain unless I got something really good out of it.

Monday, April 29, 2013

The former nail client who thought Mark used to look like Antonio Banderas, wanted to know if I waxed any other black women. I assured her that at least a third of my clientele was black, that I wax women of every ethnicity, and I could care less what color you are. Then I told her since black chicks get such bad hair bumps, they need me more then anyone. Besides, black women tend to be much more vocal then white women and that makes my job way more fun!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

I think we should always embrace our childhood innocence, and getting Brazilians are a good way to feel young.
Listen to me tell a story about a guy who passed out at our salon. http://youtu.be/m2_L_JGoKS0

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Someone asked me if two twits make a twat? ~Modern Brazilian Allegory?~

Friday, April 26, 2013

Check out a reading of my book that I put on U Tube. http://youtu.be/L88aegiBfqA
When a woman called to make an appointment for a Brazilian, she asked if she'd be able to go to work after? I assured her that she could. Remember, this is a beauty salon service, not a medical procedure.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

If he can't find the goods, he may just go to another store. ~Brazilian Dating Advice~

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Ok gang, I need your help. I am looking to make a U-Tube Video to help promote the book. If you have read my book and thought anything was funny in it, please go to www.thehappyhoo-ha.com and send me a message that tells me which story you thought was the funniest. Once I get enough responses, I will tell a story and see what happens. Thanks!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

25 years ago, I was a very busy nail technician. The other day, a former nail client came in for a Brazilian. She hadn't been in the salon in years. She walks in the waiting room and looks at Mark and says, "you look so different. You used to have a lot of dark hair and you looked like Antonio Banderas." Then she saw me and said, "and M.E. was blonde!" She is so lucky she didn't say that I looked like Melanie Griffith or I would have made her wax extremely unpleasant.

Monday, April 22, 2013

I love when women send me messages after they get a Brazilian. A woman said she couldn't believe how her first trip to Brazil was so quick & easy (and so fun!) and how well I tamed her wookie. It was my pleasure. ~the wookie wacker~

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Last week I told you about a woman who had 2 eggs implanted and was expecting 3 girls. Yesterday, a client of mine, who drives in from Syracuse to get her Brazilians, also had 2 eggs implanted and is expecting one baby. She told me that when she read my blog, she called her husband and said "are you ready to thank God?"

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Half of my ladies leave a little something in front when they get a Brazilian. A lady asked me for an exclamation point without the point. I told her that her clit was the point.

Friday, April 19, 2013

A girl told me to be careful, because her vagina was sensitive. She said it didn't get any sun or any action. ~Brazilian Confessions~

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The latest shape request was a Playboy Bunny. Now you're pushing it. ~your limited Brazilian Artist~

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I had a 38 week pregnant woman jump off the table mid-Brazilian to have a full blown contraction that lasted close to a minute. It was her second one in four minutes. I was excited to help deliver a baby at Mark & ME. Unfortunately, no babies were born at the salon yesterday, but I did finish her wax!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

If your Brazilian isn't staying smooth and you're finding you have broken hairs across the front, think about the frequency of your vibrator use. Friction tends to break soft hairs.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Today is April 15th. Tax day. I'd rather give myself one of those unconscionable 45 minute Brazilians then pay my taxes.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Pilonidal cysts occur when a hair becomes ingrown. They usually form near your backside and require surgery to remove. One of my clients was in the operating room during this procedure and the surgeon told her to "make sure to teach your patients about Brazilians. I do 5-6 of these surgeries a week. A good ass waxing would prevent this." Priceless.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

A woman had 2 eggs implanted and is expecting 3 girls. Baby A is sitting on her cervix. Baby C has her leg nestled between her breast bone. I'm not sure where baby B is hanging out. She is 30 weeks and each baby is already 3 pounds. As you can imagine, she has a pretty big belly. But never too big for ME! I am proud to say I accomplished another first yesterday and successfully gave an expecting mother of triplets a full Brazilian.

Friday, April 12, 2013

I asked a new client how she heard of me. She laughed and said Build-A-Bear. She asked another mom where she got waxed during a five year old party and the woman told her all about me and how the whole Brazilian thing worked at Mark & ME. Bears are hairy creatures, so I can totally understand why she thought of waxing at a place like that.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

What is the key to a happy marriage? A happy hoo-ha.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

After her first Brazilian, a girl said it was like a new toy and she wanted to show everyone.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A woman had to take her cat to the vet to have his genitalia shaved, because the hair had gotten so long, the cat was unable to clean itself. She told me it was the first time her cat had a Brazilian.

Monday, April 8, 2013

I just saw a riddle that asked what the difference was between men and insects? The answer: men have zippers. I have to admit that I am ok with my man bugging me. It's a sign he wants me. And since it is impossible for a woman with a Brazilian to get bugs down there, then I say we leave the insect repellent in the cupboard and enjoy our pesky critters.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

After reading The Happy Hoo-Ha, a girl told me she put a breath mint in her mouth and then was tempted to put one between her legs.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

In 1999, there was a really silly movie made called Superstar. The main character (Molly Shannon) thinks she can be a Superstar but couldn't be any more awkward. When I watching it yesterday, all I could think of is how a woman feels so amazing after she gets a Brazilian that it would be perfectly acceptable and appropriate to get down on one knee, raise your arms to the heavens and scream "Superstar!"

Friday, April 5, 2013

One of my clients had to create an Amazon account in order to buy The Happy Hoo-Ha. I liked that too.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

A client refers to her Brazilian appointment as ME time. I love that.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A lady told me I was giving her a Hoo-Ha Headache. ~Brazilians aren't that bad!~

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A lady has been getting waxed at a place in town that takes 45 minutes. A girlfriend told her she should go to Mark & ME, because we are the Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian and it actually doesn't even take that long. Then the girlfriend started to tell her how funny I was, what a nice salon we have.... and the lady interrupted her and said "you had me at 10 minutes!"

Monday, April 1, 2013

One of my girls was all excited because she has this week off and she planned to spend a lot of private time with her man. Unfortunately, that won't happen. You see, her man was working in the yard, got poison ivy on his hands, had to pee, and I think you can figure out the rest. ~The Brazilian will have to wait~

Sunday, March 31, 2013

A new client was flailing around, grabbing onto any body part of mine that she could reach, and swearing up a storm. It's not that unusual for a woman getting a Brazilian for the first time to act like that. What didn't make any sense at all was when she told me her man had to drive her to the salon because she had taken 2 Xanax to calm herself down before she came in. I think the meds were expired.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

After reading the chapter entitled "What's That Smell?" in my book, a client was so paranoid about the cleanliness of her vagina, she thoroughly inspected it with a mirror before she let me give her a Brazilian.

Friday, March 29, 2013

It's tough to blog when the internet is down. Thank God you don't need the internet to enjoy your Brazilian!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

I have a new website dedicated to the book now. You can check it out at www.thehappyhoo-ha.com Although Brazilians can be a little painful, the ultimate goal is for everyone to have a Happy Hoo-Ha!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Furry tails are cute on bunnies, not on ladies. It's time to treat yourself to a Brazilian Bikini Wax. It is guaranteed to help you hop like a bunny in the bedroom.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A woman told me her Rabbit died from overuse. I told her to give her bunny a quick funeral and go buy herself another one. ~Brazilian Sex Advice~

Monday, March 25, 2013

I woke up this morning thinking about when I taught elementary school with a G rated vocabulary and how my career change has so drastically altered my language skills. ~Brazilians encourage naughty words~

Sunday, March 24, 2013

A lot of women threw out their loofah's this week. ~making your Brazilian as beautiful as possible~

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Another first at Mark & M.E: With every rip, a girl cursed and squirmed.(now, that's nothing new) She even begged me not to finish. After the 5th rip, which was on the inner thigh, outer lip area, she jumped up and flipped over onto all fours and froze in a crouching tiger position. She even stayed there for a minute. I've never put a woman on all four's during a Brazilian before, and although it was pretty funny, I still don't think it is a position for a client to be in.

Friday, March 22, 2013

One of my clients sent an email to Elvis Duran about me and sent me a copy of the note. She told him that I broke her Brazilian Cherry. I love that!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I don't like loofahs. They overstimulate the bikini area, often causing more irritation. Secondly, because they are porous, they tend to be filled with bacteria and bacteria can cause acne. If you looked at your loofah under a microscope, three things could potentially happen: you'd see the bacteria, you'd throw up, then you'd throw it away. Do your bikini area a favor and use a wash cloth. ~making your Brazilian as beautiful as possible~

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Since the majority of the crazy stories happen in the wax rooms at Mark & M.E., the Hollywood Production Company has decided not to use us in a reality show. I am disappointed, because I think my Brazilian clients would make great TV!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Gray hair tends to be more coarse. It can be very itchy and uncomfortable growing in sensitive areas. That is why it is vital that all age women get Brazilians. You are never too old to polish your hardwoods.

Monday, March 18, 2013

One of my clients was reading my hygiene chapter to her husband. She told him that was the reason she insisted on having a hose on her shower head. ~The Happy Hoo-Ha reigns~

Sunday, March 17, 2013

A man commented that there was a lot of Hoo-Ha talk on our Facebook page. Well, we are the Home of The Happy Hoo-Ha in 10 minutes or less! You know, that sounds so good, we may need to get another banner for the front of the salon.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

A client sent me a video of Kathie Lee & Hoda talking about shaving patterns and Brazilians. They said that people who go bald are pretty O.C.D. I think women should be O.C.D. when it comes to their genitalia.

Friday, March 15, 2013

You should really wait a day after you get a Brazilian to fool around, because the skin can be sensitive. If you can't wait, however, I have always advised my women to make sure they are properly lubricated. I learned from one of my older clients that she uses coconut oil as her personal lubricant. I like the idea of a pina colada party in the panties.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Women can be weird about their vagina's. A client told me she has always kept hair covering it, because she thought is was ugly. ~beautifying the world, one Brazilian at a time~

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A girl decided to get a Brazilian, because she said shaving was like four-wheeling with a Prius.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I just got an email from a girl reminding me that Thursday is Steak and BJ day. Are you giving your man the finest cut of tenderloin? ~your Brazilian Steakhouse Executive Chef~

Monday, March 11, 2013

Day 3 of the balls lady. As she was leaving the salon, I noticed that she was walking very slowly with her legs spread unusually far apart. I asked her why she was walking that way, because I couldn't imagine that she was in pain. Her skin looked fine after her Brazilian. She looked like a robot walking in slow motion down our hallway. It was actually pretty comical. She said that after what she went through, she thought that it was necessary to walk that way even if it didn't hurt anymore.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

The woman who thought getting a Brazilian felt like getting kicked in the balls was nervous to turn on her side. When she lifted her cheek, she said that I better watch out, because she was planning to fart on me.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

First time Brazilian clients are so funny. A woman screamed after I did a large rip across the front and asked me if that is how it feels when a man gets kicked in the balls.

Friday, March 8, 2013

I love comments from my clients. One girl wrote, "you can get a half-assed wax anywhere, but if you want a whole-ass wax, go to M.E."

Thursday, March 7, 2013

If you haven't heard the expression "blue waffle," it is a disease that affects the color and shape of the vagina. The pictures online are horrifying. One of my Brazilian clients informed me of this malady. Let our breakfast revelations continue.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A client told me about a student who got in trouble for calling someone a twat waffle. I looked the expression up and it can be used as a noun to call someone an idiot. It can also refer to a vagina that is so shriveled up that it looks like a defrosted waffle. Even though I find that definition pretty disturbing, I am always grateful for the education I receive when giving someone a Brazilian.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

For those of you who have read The Happy Hoo-ha, I talk about how I wax every size, shape and color women. That is part of what makes my job so interesting. The other day, I waxed a 6'4" woman who was longer then the table and then a 4'9" woman who looked like a midget in comparison.

Monday, March 4, 2013

A girl had her yearly gynecological exam then came in to see me for a Brazilian. She told me she was having a cooter abuse day.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Women like f" buddies because it is fun and there is little commitment involved. It is supposed to be less complicated then a relationship. But when a man gets so upset that he couldn't get the woman to climax that he punches a hole through her wall, this is sounding pretty complicated and needs to end. ~your Brazilian advice girl~

Saturday, March 2, 2013

When your husband calls your vagina a fur-gina, it's time for a Brazilian.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Woman can be very particular about what kind of purse they carry and what they put in it. So when a woman referred to her lady parts as her pocketbook, I can only think she is reinforcing the fact that her hoo-ha is one of her prized possessions and she is particular about what she puts in it.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Two sisters came into the room together for a wax. I hadn't seen them since December. When the first woman got on the table, her sister warned me to watch out that a bird didn't fly out of her sister's nest.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

It is a beauitfully, blustery day for a Brazilian!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

You think we look like a little girl? Get over it. ~waxing rocks!~

Monday, February 25, 2013

If you come to Mark & ME for a bikini wax, please be advised that you will probably leave with a Brazilian.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Yesterday, my foot was so swollen that I tried to sit down to do a Brazilian. The client wasn't being cooperative. She wrapped her leg around my head. No, that wasn't awkward.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Hendrix, Wine, fatigue and stairs can be a bad mix. Your Wax Queen has gracefully sprained her ankle and is sporting crutches. But no worries ladies, I have ripped dozens of women on crutches before and will do so again.

Friday, February 22, 2013

I was embarrassed when a woman said she had a pelt that needed skinning and I didn't know what she meant. I looked the word up in the dictionary and couldn't believe I never heard the word pelt before. Although I was confused, I skinned her beautifully. ~your Brazilian Pelt destroyer~

Thursday, February 21, 2013

People love to grab my ass when I am waxing them. It happens more often then you think. Last week, a lady was trying so hard to hold onto it that her torso was falling off the table, and if I hadn't yelled at her to get back on the table, she would have fallen on me.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Be particular about who sees your Brazilian. A client told me if the man doesn't have mojo of the mouth, don't let him go South.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A grown woman with kids was so nervous and jumpy when I gave her a Brazilian, she accidentally stabbed me with her fake nails and made me bleed.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Still troubled by Brother Wease's description of his wine stained colored starfish. Sorry gang, but I'm sticking with Brazilians, not backsides.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A woman was desperate to get a Brazilian yesterday because her man finally went and got the blue pill.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I have a clean up station for women to use after I finish their Brazilian. A girl told me that the last time she came in, she could have made a salad in her ass because she used so much oil.

Friday, February 15, 2013

The official book premiere of The Happy Hoo-Ha is tomorrow, February 16th, from 4-6pm at The Loving Cup in Rochester New York. They will be featuring signature drinks such as the Brazilian Rainforest and The Happy Hoo-Ha. Is this cool or what?

Thursday, February 14, 2013

If you don't have someone to love your Brazilian, love yourself!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'm going to be on The Brother Wease Show Friday morning at 9am. I heard he refers to Brazilians as hard wood floors. I don't think women's bodies are ever that hard.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A client referred to me as the porcupine slayer.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Don't worry, I won't rip open your stretch marks when I wax you.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I want everyone to have a Happy Hoo-Ha.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

I heard about an upscale salon in town that cancelled all their appointments yesterday because it was snowing out. We stayed open until 6:30 and were busy with hair and wax clients. Don't mess with the staff or clients of Mark & ME, because we would never let a little snow get in the way of proper grooming.

Friday, February 8, 2013

A woman came into my room and the first thing she did was warn me that since she has had kids, if she laughed, she might pee on me. ~Beware of Brazilian Body Fluids~

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Valentine's Day is one week away. I know a gift he'll like way better then chocolate. ~Brazilians. The gift that keep on giving.~

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mark asked me to decorate the salon for Valentine's Day, so I gave a woman a Brazilian and left some hair in the shape of a heart on her.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I'm pretty OCD about the symmetry of my shapes, so it really isn't necessary to draw the shape you want on the front of your pubis with pencil eyeliner. ~your Brazilian artist~

Monday, February 4, 2013

I have had some interesting comments about The Happy Hoo-Ha. One person noticed one grammar error. Another noticed two.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

One of Mark's clients congratulated me on getting my children's book published. I told her it wasn't a children's book. She was surprised. She thought it looked like one. Having a Happy Hoo-ha may make us act childlike, but it really isn't appropriate reading material for a child.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

I love when women come in to get their first Brazilian and aren't scared, just excited about how sexy they are going to feel afterwards. When I asked a new client who was super excited how she heard about me, she said "really, you're IT!" Thank you. That made my day.

Friday, February 1, 2013

If lots of women have friends named BOB, who do men have? ~The Happy Hoo-ha question of the day~

Thursday, January 31, 2013

A man on the radio today said the penis has no conscience. I know when a penis meets one of my Brazilian clients, it most definitely does not.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Yesterday a manatee swam up to my kayak. As I was petting its back, it rolled over so I could pet its belly. It was a mommy and had a baby nearby in the water. I couldn't help but notice that manatees don't need Brazilians. Her lady parts were bald.