Sunday, March 31, 2013

A new client was flailing around, grabbing onto any body part of mine that she could reach, and swearing up a storm. It's not that unusual for a woman getting a Brazilian for the first time to act like that. What didn't make any sense at all was when she told me her man had to drive her to the salon because she had taken 2 Xanax to calm herself down before she came in. I think the meds were expired.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

After reading the chapter entitled "What's That Smell?" in my book, a client was so paranoid about the cleanliness of her vagina, she thoroughly inspected it with a mirror before she let me give her a Brazilian.

Friday, March 29, 2013

It's tough to blog when the internet is down. Thank God you don't need the internet to enjoy your Brazilian!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

I have a new website dedicated to the book now. You can check it out at Although Brazilians can be a little painful, the ultimate goal is for everyone to have a Happy Hoo-Ha!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Furry tails are cute on bunnies, not on ladies. It's time to treat yourself to a Brazilian Bikini Wax. It is guaranteed to help you hop like a bunny in the bedroom.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A woman told me her Rabbit died from overuse. I told her to give her bunny a quick funeral and go buy herself another one. ~Brazilian Sex Advice~

Monday, March 25, 2013

I woke up this morning thinking about when I taught elementary school with a G rated vocabulary and how my career change has so drastically altered my language skills. ~Brazilians encourage naughty words~

Sunday, March 24, 2013

A lot of women threw out their loofah's this week. ~making your Brazilian as beautiful as possible~

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Another first at Mark & M.E: With every rip, a girl cursed and squirmed.(now, that's nothing new) She even begged me not to finish. After the 5th rip, which was on the inner thigh, outer lip area, she jumped up and flipped over onto all fours and froze in a crouching tiger position. She even stayed there for a minute. I've never put a woman on all four's during a Brazilian before, and although it was pretty funny, I still don't think it is a position for a client to be in.

Friday, March 22, 2013

One of my clients sent an email to Elvis Duran about me and sent me a copy of the note. She told him that I broke her Brazilian Cherry. I love that!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I don't like loofahs. They overstimulate the bikini area, often causing more irritation. Secondly, because they are porous, they tend to be filled with bacteria and bacteria can cause acne. If you looked at your loofah under a microscope, three things could potentially happen: you'd see the bacteria, you'd throw up, then you'd throw it away. Do your bikini area a favor and use a wash cloth. ~making your Brazilian as beautiful as possible~

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Since the majority of the crazy stories happen in the wax rooms at Mark & M.E., the Hollywood Production Company has decided not to use us in a reality show. I am disappointed, because I think my Brazilian clients would make great TV!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Gray hair tends to be more coarse. It can be very itchy and uncomfortable growing in sensitive areas. That is why it is vital that all age women get Brazilians. You are never too old to polish your hardwoods.

Monday, March 18, 2013

One of my clients was reading my hygiene chapter to her husband. She told him that was the reason she insisted on having a hose on her shower head. ~The Happy Hoo-Ha reigns~

Sunday, March 17, 2013

A man commented that there was a lot of Hoo-Ha talk on our Facebook page. Well, we are the Home of The Happy Hoo-Ha in 10 minutes or less! You know, that sounds so good, we may need to get another banner for the front of the salon.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

A client sent me a video of Kathie Lee & Hoda talking about shaving patterns and Brazilians. They said that people who go bald are pretty O.C.D. I think women should be O.C.D. when it comes to their genitalia.

Friday, March 15, 2013

You should really wait a day after you get a Brazilian to fool around, because the skin can be sensitive. If you can't wait, however, I have always advised my women to make sure they are properly lubricated. I learned from one of my older clients that she uses coconut oil as her personal lubricant. I like the idea of a pina colada party in the panties.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Women can be weird about their vagina's. A client told me she has always kept hair covering it, because she thought is was ugly. ~beautifying the world, one Brazilian at a time~

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A girl decided to get a Brazilian, because she said shaving was like four-wheeling with a Prius.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I just got an email from a girl reminding me that Thursday is Steak and BJ day. Are you giving your man the finest cut of tenderloin? ~your Brazilian Steakhouse Executive Chef~

Monday, March 11, 2013

Day 3 of the balls lady. As she was leaving the salon, I noticed that she was walking very slowly with her legs spread unusually far apart. I asked her why she was walking that way, because I couldn't imagine that she was in pain. Her skin looked fine after her Brazilian. She looked like a robot walking in slow motion down our hallway. It was actually pretty comical. She said that after what she went through, she thought that it was necessary to walk that way even if it didn't hurt anymore.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

The woman who thought getting a Brazilian felt like getting kicked in the balls was nervous to turn on her side. When she lifted her cheek, she said that I better watch out, because she was planning to fart on me.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

First time Brazilian clients are so funny. A woman screamed after I did a large rip across the front and asked me if that is how it feels when a man gets kicked in the balls.

Friday, March 8, 2013

I love comments from my clients. One girl wrote, "you can get a half-assed wax anywhere, but if you want a whole-ass wax, go to M.E."

Thursday, March 7, 2013

If you haven't heard the expression "blue waffle," it is a disease that affects the color and shape of the vagina. The pictures online are horrifying. One of my Brazilian clients informed me of this malady. Let our breakfast revelations continue.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A client told me about a student who got in trouble for calling someone a twat waffle. I looked the expression up and it can be used as a noun to call someone an idiot. It can also refer to a vagina that is so shriveled up that it looks like a defrosted waffle. Even though I find that definition pretty disturbing, I am always grateful for the education I receive when giving someone a Brazilian.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

For those of you who have read The Happy Hoo-ha, I talk about how I wax every size, shape and color women. That is part of what makes my job so interesting. The other day, I waxed a 6'4" woman who was longer then the table and then a 4'9" woman who looked like a midget in comparison.

Monday, March 4, 2013

A girl had her yearly gynecological exam then came in to see me for a Brazilian. She told me she was having a cooter abuse day.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Women like f" buddies because it is fun and there is little commitment involved. It is supposed to be less complicated then a relationship. But when a man gets so upset that he couldn't get the woman to climax that he punches a hole through her wall, this is sounding pretty complicated and needs to end. ~your Brazilian advice girl~

Saturday, March 2, 2013

When your husband calls your vagina a fur-gina, it's time for a Brazilian.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Woman can be very particular about what kind of purse they carry and what they put in it. So when a woman referred to her lady parts as her pocketbook, I can only think she is reinforcing the fact that her hoo-ha is one of her prized possessions and she is particular about what she puts in it.