Thursday, October 31, 2013

Some women should not wait months between Brazilians. Grey, curly, thick hair can be really hard to pull out. I told a client that her hair was a pain the ass. She told me I was a pain in her pussy.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A girl was waiting for her Brazilian appointment with me and was looking at my book. She opened up to a random page and read about the girl who wanted me to leave a mistletoe shape in the front of her bikini so her man would kiss her under the mistletoe. She thought it was weird that someone would want a mistletoe. I have to admit, I thought it was pretty clever.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Not only was my brow client from yesterday able to show emotion again, her face genuinely looked happier. Waxing has serious powers.

Monday, October 28, 2013

I waxed a ton of eyebrows last week. One girl had no shape at all to her brows. When I finished and showed her the mirror, she said that now she could show emotion again. ~the powers of waxing~

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Doctors claim pubic hair acts as a cushion during intimacy. I think cushions are difficult to clean, harbor dirt and dust, and often need replacing. I think I will stick with my wood furniture. Hardwoods love a good waxing.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

After an emotional breakup with her fiancé, a woman stopped waxing because she took a hiatus from any sexual activity. She finally got fed up with celibacy and called the salon in a frenzy begging for a Brazilian so she could end her dry spell.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Hair can generate heat & moisture. And perspiration tends to contain some bacteria which, in turn, can lead to break outs. So although it may seem like a good idea to save money and go longer between waxes this time of the year, don't blame the wax lady if your skin isn't as pretty under the Un-Enchanted Forest.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Being dehydrated can make your wax more painful, because your skin is composed of mostly water and is more resistant when it is not properly hydrated. A girl came in yesterday afternoon who hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. She found the Brazilian much more painful then usual. As she was cleaning up, she said that her body was definitely off limits to her man for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I have been blogging a very long time. And since I went two days over, I thought I would rhyme. I forgot to mark the milestone of 1300 consecutive days. I guess I must be in a vagina induced haze. ~your Brazilian Queen~

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

So the woman from yesterday who left the salon and went home to finish my book was successful in finding what I wrote about her. About a week after her first Brazilian, I asked her if she liked her wax. She told me she didn't like the way it felt when she farted.

Monday, October 21, 2013

A couple came together for her Brazilian. The husband told me he read my book but that his wife didn't finish it. I asked her if she came across the part that was about her. She said she didn't and wanted to know what I wrote about her. I wouldn't tell her, but I thought it was in the chapter "Crazy Shit People Tell Me." About an hour after they left the salon, she called us to say she found the part about her and thought it was hysterical.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

You know it's time for a Brazilian when you make your husband take your four year old to swim practice two weeks in a row, because you have too much hair sticking out of your bathing suit.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

As I was lighting candles in the hallway, I could overhear one of my staff members giving a woman a Brazilian. The client was doing multiplication problems aloud to keep distracted from what my girl was doing to her. Although the numbers she was multiplying were quite simple, she could not seem to come up with the correct answers.

Friday, October 18, 2013

The reason the man from yesterday came into the room was not for moral support for his girlfriend. He was hoping I would let him pull off one of the wax strips. When he asked me if he could do that, she started yelling, "You ain't touching me. She's the professional!" ~Your Brazilian Professional~

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A guy came in with his girlfriend to watch her get a Brazilian. He asked me if I ever did dudes. I told him I had waxed the cracks of two men's butt cheeks that week. He was completely shocked and said, "But we're dudes. We're supposed to have hair back there!"

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Attitude is everything and Brazilians give you a kick ass attitude.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

You can sit up and try to watch me give you a Brazilian, but it goes a lot quicker if you just lie back and let me do my thing. Besides, when you sit up, you risk getting smacked in the face when I'm ripping the top.

Monday, October 14, 2013

You know it's time for a Brazilian when you have to keep readjusting your panties because they just don't fit right.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A client told me she always feels skinnier after she gets a Brazilian. Skinny is good.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A girl told me she couldn't wait to get her Brazilian, because she was so excited to have smooth skin again. Amen sister!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Brazilian Theme Song. Slip, Sliding Away by Paul Simon. Like it.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Another brilliant email came my way. Brazilian Theme Songs. First one on the playlist...Welcome to the Jungle.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I gave myself a Brazilian after work yesterday. As I was driving home, I felt refreshed and exhilarated. I actually felt like I could fly! I really don't understand why everyone doesn't wax. It feels amazing.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Two friends came together for a wax. One was a regular. The other was a virgin. The regular told the virgin that she was going to like her Brazilian so much that she should plan on spending the entire day masturbating.

Monday, October 7, 2013

A man wanted to know what happened to his woman, because ever since she got a Brazilian, she has more frequent and more intense orgasms. She found M.E.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sometimes women ask me repeatedly throughout the service how many strips it will take until I am done. Sorry, but every Brazilian I perform is unique, so I cannot tell you exactly how many strips it will take. Besides, I am too busy talking to count.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Hair can generate heat. Heat can generate moisture. Moisture can generate yuk. Get a Brazilian.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Brazilians are for everybody. 2...3...400 pounds? I don't care as long as I can get to your parts.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

I have a lot of clients trying to convince their moms to get Brazilians. And I have to laugh because most of the moms in question are around my age. What they don't know is that many of their moms already come to me and they just don't know it.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

New clients get so nervous when Mark answers the phone, because they are afraid that a man will be doing their Brazilian. Rest assured there are only women at Mark & ME that do the Brazilian Waxing. Mark is only allowed to do a Brazilian on yours truly.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Did you know you can make an omelette in your anal cavity? It is called a Portuguese Breakfast. It is a new expression I learned while giving a woman a Brazilian. I cannot decide if it is clever or simply revolting. I do know that I am going to stick with Brazil and stay far away from Portugal. And I may never eat an omelette again.