Saturday, November 30, 2013

Swearing is accepted and even encouraged. It seems to make the waxing experience more tolerable. ~Brazilian Rule #8~

Friday, November 29, 2013

Modesty towels are not available at our salon. I need to see your parts and towels just get in my way. ~Brazilian Rule #7~

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Today is a day that we are supposed to reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives. Like most of you, I am truly thankful for my family and my friends. But I would be remiss if I did not admit that I am also thankful for the discovery of Brazilians, because they have brought a lot of joy to my life. Although I am not sure that was what the Pilgrims had in mind.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Use the restroom before you get waxed, not only so you have a chance to freshen up, but so you don't pee on me. ~Brazilian Rule #6~

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Leave your dingleberries at home. ~Brazilian Rule #5~

Monday, November 25, 2013

Hanging onto my arms disrupts the laws of physics. If I can't use two arms to pull off the strip, it's going to get ugly. ~Brazilian Rule #4~

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Holding your breath is not recommended. Passing out has happened and actually scares the crap out of me. ~Brazilian Rule #3~

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Closing your legs doesn't make it hurt less. ~Brazilian Rule #2~

Friday, November 22, 2013

Your underwear needs to come off. It isn't negotiable. Sorry. ~Brazilian Rule #1~

Thursday, November 21, 2013

A college girl told me I was cool yesterday. I thought that was an awesome compliment. Because despite my chronological age, I am 21 at heart. I think this Brazilian Business keeps me young.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

When you do what I do for a living, anything can have a Brazilian reference. For example, I was watching Crocodile Dundee last night and there was a fire in the bush. I could not help but smile thinking of how I help women have more fire in their bush.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

A guy referred to his woman's bush as a tarantula, because she was overdue for her Brazilian. I guess in some ways it did look like a big, hairy spider. Don't worry though, I dismembered that bad boy one leg at a time.

Monday, November 18, 2013

I hate when my hair gets messy in the wind. So I guess if you don't believe in Brazilians, you better not walk outside naked today.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

One of my clients had an excellent idea about my locker room incident. She suggested that I make a sign that says "Fluff your Muff with your own hair dryer." Great idea. Although getting a Brazilian would ultimately solve the problem and remove the need for any electrical appliance.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

I am glad you all felt the same way about my locker room incident. Pubic hair does not have to be offensive. I think landing strips and martini glasses can be cute. But if you decide to leave some in the front, please remember that it needs to be properly landscaped so you don't need an electrical appliance to dry it. ~Brazilian Beauty Tips~

Friday, November 15, 2013

I was traumatized in the locker room at the gym yesterday. I was walking towards a naked woman who separated her pubic hair in three ceremonial gestures. She then proceeded to use the communal blow dryer to dry, not only the front, but the underneath as well. It was horrifying. I can understand that not everyone believes in Brazilians, but this was just not OK.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

You should never feel uncomfortable when you get a Brazilian by me. Your lady parts are just skin and hair. It might as well be your knee for all I care. And if you act all shy and embarrassed, it'll piss me off. And you never want to piss off the lady with the hot wax.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Six weeks from today is Christmas. If you want me to leave a Christmas Tree shape on you the next time you come in for a Brazilian, please note that you are responsible for lighting it up.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Fi fi fo fum I love when there is no hair on the bum. ~Brazilian Rhyme~

Monday, November 11, 2013

People have a love hate relationship with me. One minute I'm a bitch. The next I'm your best friend. ~Your Brazilian BFF~

Sunday, November 10, 2013

A guy asked his girlfriend when she was going to see the Miracle Worker, because he thought she was overdue for a Brazilian. Watch out Helen Keller, ME is in the house!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

There was a scabies outbreak at a local hospital recently. Those little buggers like warm, moist areas. Just another reason to get a Brazilian.

Friday, November 8, 2013

I received a wonderfully random email yesterday from a Brazilian client that I just had to share. "I was at the dentist for a six-month cleaning yesterday. Afterwards, they gave me a toothbrush and some floss. I had to laugh when I read the floss container because it made me think of your salon. The flavor was "Waxed Tutti Frutti." Clearly, my dentist and I have differing ideas about what a waxed Tutti Frutti is."

Thursday, November 7, 2013

My clients often apologize when they have gone a long time between waxes. One woman sent me an email apologizing for her fro. She said it looked like Soul Train down there.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Please remember that "No Shave November" does not apply to your pubic hair. Skipping a month between Brazilians is not good for anybody.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A woman came into the shop and bought eight copies of The Happy Hoo-Ha for her book club. When they meet next month to discuss the book, yours truly is going to make a surprise guest appearance.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Now that Daylight Savings Time has screwed up our sleep cycle, we still have an extra hour to enjoy our Brazilians!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

In my opinion, our government created Daylight Savings Time so we could have an extra hour to enjoy our Brazilian Bikini Wax.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

If you are worried about the Brazilian service being awkward, rest assured I will keep you entertained. Keeping you distracted makes it go faster and hurt less. Trust me, I got this.

Friday, November 1, 2013

A woman called the salon and asked if the "Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian" was just a gimmick, because she gets waxed at another salon in town that takes close to an hour. I assured her that the expression was based on fact. She wanted to know how it was possible to do it that fast. She also questioned whether or not we follow the direction of the hair growth or if we just slap the wax on haphazardly. I tried to explain to her that during my 20 years of experience, I have perfected an efficient method of waxing that works incredibly well and has made Mark and ME very popular. I truly hope she lets me wax her next time so she can see that it does not have to be such a long, arduous procedure but a quick and fun trip to the salon.