Sunday, January 31, 2016

I may do Brazilians for a living, but I'm happy to be an American. Yep, we're home.

Friday, January 29, 2016

It is really important to try to perform the best service possible on every client that comes into your salon. It's even more important to make the client feel beautiful no matter what body part you are working on, from their head to their hoo-ha.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

A woman commented on how unique the Mark & M.E. Salon is. I spend so much time there that it's my second home, so it doesn't seem unusual. When she walked into the salon, Mark was blowing drying Bandit, there was hysterical laughter coming out of my wax room and there were fun, happy people everywhere. Our conversation was outrageous and funny and she loves the comraderie we establish with our clients. Those were just some of the things she commented on. It cracked me up, because it was just another great day.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Grab me, kick me, fight, me....still gonna wax you like a baby. Don't mess with Sassysnatch.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

This is an illustration from The Happy Hen House that I have framed on the wall in the waxing area at the salon. I walked upstairs today to do a wax, who happened to be a black woman, and she was standing next to the picture laughing hysterically. She said that picture is exactly what a black woman looks like if it isn't taken care of, a bird's nest. Then the tears of hysteria were running down her face as her laughter continued. This is why I wrote the happy books.
Although the salon will be open all week, Mark & I will only be there today and tomorrow. We are going out of town on Thursday to celebrate our anniversary a little early. After 29 years, we are deserving of a weekend get away. Work hard, play hard, be happy!

Monday, January 25, 2016

I always enjoyed having a heated seat in my car. You know how important it is to have a warm and Happy Hoo-Ha. Now, I'm finding that the heated steering wheel is even more exciting and enjoyable than the heated seats. Happy hands, happy hoo-ha''s all about being happy.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

I just started my taxes, which is a very daunting task. I realized that I didn't make very much money online on the happy books this year. Most of the sales were at the salon. My first response was to be disappointed, but then I realized that I made people laugh. I'm good now.
Yesterday was super busy and a lot of fun. I was thinking about the day and realized it was fairly uneventful. No one kicked me. A lady did threaten to pee on me, but she was able to control herself. One woman hung on to my buttocks, but she always does when I wax her, so that didn't phase me.  I wasn't scratched or clawed at. Yea, it was a good day.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

It feels so good to make women happy.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have gone into medicine. A woman who just had a baby had a really large ingrown hair.  It was the size of a cashew on steroids. I got my gloves on, waxed over it to get rid of all the hair, moved my spotlight closer and prepared for inspection. When I squeezed it, a ton of pus shot up towards my face. It probably exploded a good six inches from her midsection. My eyes felt protected since I wear glasses, but the rest of my face felt vulnerable and I wished at that moment that I had a mask on. Although no pus touched my skin, it felt like it was a very close call. I kept draining the alien, because it needed to be free. There was so much pus oozing out that the fingertips of my right hand were dripping all over her stomach. I'm happy to say I was able to extract several stubborn hairs from the area and make the surface flat. Alien versus Sassysnatch: The volcano edition.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Happiness is...when you're soaking in a tub of epson salts and commenting that you ran out of hot water and the next thing you know your husband enters the room with a large corn kettle full of hot water.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

If I had $100 for every time a woman asks me if her vagina looks weird, I'd be a very wealthy woman. In my opinion, they all look weird. I've always been more of a fan of our masculine counterparts. However, I do think they look less weird without hair.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Mark & I will be out of town January 28-30 celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary. Now that we are older, it takes three days to celebrate properly.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Even though my car is in a heated garage at night, Mark pulled it out half way and started it this morning so it would be warm when I got in it. He knows how much I hate being cold and wanted me to be more comfortable when I drove to the gym. Sometimes, it really is the little things that can make you happy.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Last night, I fell asleep with my rings on. This morning, I seriously need the jaws of life to get them off, because my hands are so swollen. I could be upset that my arthritic hands are inflamed, but my first thought was how fun and busy I was waxing yesterday which caused my hands to flare up. It's all about attitude.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Friday, January 15, 2016

I read a review online that complained I missed a few hairs from time to time. In my opinion, would you prefer an efficient 10 Minute Brazilian with a few strays or a 45 minute Brazilian from Hell with not a one? Since then, I put a bright light at the end of one of my tables so I can get an even closer look at the subject at hand. One of my regulars gave me so much grief about having a spotlight on her snatch last night, all we could do was laugh hysterically. Thank you for keeping it real!

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Thank you to all of the people who bought The Happy Trail over the Christmas holidays! If you've read any of it and I've made you laugh, please take a minute to review the book on Amazon. I could really use some reviews. Thank you in advance!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

A young woman comes in and confesses she is sporting a thick rug, but she needed it bald because her man was getting released after five years of confinement. She wasn't kidding. It wasn't a rug, it was a dense shag carpet. She started screaming for Jesus. I'm begging her to breath because I know it hurts. Her screams can be heard down the street to St Anne' Church. I am confident she will need more than Jesus to get her through the service. It wasn't easy for either one of us. By the end of the service, my neck is screaming and so is her midsection. It was one of those moments where I confess that I'm getting too old for this shit.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

I have a bizarre profession. I can't make up the stories. They just happen. That is why I wrote The Happy Hoo-Ha Trilogy. The other day, a woman had long hair that needed to be waxed. She said it looked like a hamster on the strip. I told her I removed a family of hamsters. As she was leaving, she whispered to me that she took a strip with one of the dead hamsters out of the garbage to show her husband. True story 2016.

Monday, January 11, 2016

When I was writing The Happy Hoo-Ha Trilogy, I kept small receipt pad slips with notes on them as reminders of funny things that happened every day. At some point, I'd turn the notes into content for one of my books. Well, the trilogy is done, but I still have random pieces of paper on my desk. The one I just came across didn't make a lot of sense but made me laugh a lot. It said "lost a ball, Belgium undies on head, song of songs and bible." If anyone can shine any light on any of the above items, feel free to enlighten me.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Yesterday we got up at 4, were at work at 7:30 am and had a very busy day. At 5, I realized I was hungry. We had the choice to to go to dinner or go on a date. We choose the latter. No, going on a date with your husband is not an oxymoron. I put on some makeup, high heels and skinny jeans and tried to look good for my date. I could have thrown on a coat and just went in my work clothes, but I wanted to make our time together special. We didn't stay out late and went to sleep really early. People ask me all the time how we've lasted so long. It just takes a little effort.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

We had a very difficult time staffing our salon last year. I'm not sure if it's comforting or extremely disconcerting that other salons are having similar issues finding good employees. They say that this new generation is entitled and doesn't have a good work ethic. Sadly, we had witnessed that over the past several years. In any industry, it's important to do more than hone your craft. Stop lamenting over every sniffle. No one has experienced more health issues than yours truly, but I face each day with a persevering attitude and a smile on my face. Work hard so you can feel pride in your endeavors at the end of the day. Be willing to take risks and put in some extra time. The harder you work, the harder you can play and the happier you will be.

Friday, January 8, 2016

As Mark and I were discussing who was going to let Bandit out at 2 this morning, I knew he would end up doing it. He's very thoughtful that way, because, even though I wasn't asleep, I didn't want to go downstairs. It got me thinking, which is probably another reason I can't sleep, about how empowering it is to be happily married for such a long time. It is a really awesome feeling. So, for all you long timers out there and those newbies who believe in forever, treasure that feeling of accomplishment and empowerment that monogamy can bring. It is definitely no easy feat, but it is so worth it.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Although it's tough to leave paradise, I can't wait to go back to Rochester and have a rip roaring good time!

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Quick story. Last week I posted a pic wearing a hat our staff made for Mark a couple years ago that says  "Perm King: Mark & ME"  A few days later, I mentioned the post to him and said I hope perms come back this year, because it's great for girls who want the permanent beach wave look without fiddling with a flat iron or that wand thingy. He said "what hat?" I told him it's his. He said he didn't wear hats. I told him it's the hat I've worn for the past week every day on vacation. He said he never saw the hat before and didn't have a clue what I was talking about.  I told him I wore it every day during our November trip too. He didn't know what I was talking about. So here's the thing. I haven't decided if after all these years together, since he doesn't really look at me any more, maybe he won't notice as I keep getting older and more wrinkled. Or should I be saying "WTF" he doesn't ever look at me!

Monday, January 4, 2016

Once again, the airlines made it very stressful for our family this holiday season. My son's flight was delayed causing him to miss his connection. That led to a lot of stress for all of us and a long wait for him in Atlanta. But that is not what is important. What is important is that he made it back to Denver safely. We will never take that for granted. And, to make things even better, the Vikings won. Always focus on the positive!

Sunday, January 3, 2016

For those of you who don't know, Mark has been a Minnesota Viking Fan his entire life. So I guess our first big stressor of 2016 is the game tonight. Not too bad in the scheme of things. Happy third day of January everyone!

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Mark & ME has expanded it's staff and it's services. We are looking forward to another great year of making everyone as beautiful as ever!

Friday, January 1, 2016

It's always a good start to the year when the #marknme kids make it safely home from Key West. The attendant at the Circle K store where I got coffee this morning was stoked because he got paid double time and could drink for free on the job. A charter boat fishnet man asked me my plans for the day. I told him I was a writer and was off to the beach to write. He asked my pen name. Without hesitation, I said Sassysnatch. Yep, the year is already good.