Monday, February 29, 2016

In my latest book, The Happy Trail, I wrote a ton of funny poems. There is one entitled "The Howling Hoo-Ha." In order to give you an idea what my poetry is like, I decided to share the first stanza with you.

What is that creature
Sitting on your lap?
Is it some kind of animal
Taking a nap?

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Sunday story time... A man came in for a back and between the cheek wax. We chatted and laughed and everything went nice and easy. When I finished his back, I asked him to remove his pants so I could wax between his cheeks. He said, "M.E. don't go waxing my hemorrhoid!" I said, "Dude, I'm not getting near your hemorrhoid." When he turned on his side, lifted his leg and then lifted his cheek, I shouted, "Holy shit, there's a whole family back here!"

Friday, February 26, 2016

A few years ago, Mark and I decided to give each other "gifts of time" for special occasions. At this point in our lives, tangible gifts aren't necessary anymore. Spending quality time together doing something fun, different or special have so much more meaning. A piece of jewelry won't cement a relationship like a quiet walk down a beach hand in hand. This weekend we will be going away to enjoy our gift of time for his birthday with my mom and Frank. We leave the shop at noon tomorrow and will return to work next Thursday. The salon will be open while we are gone, but you can still get in this week if you need us. Relationships don't have to be that hard if you remember why you fell in love in the first place.
PS: I'll make sure to wax my legs so the plane flies faster. Maybe Mark will let me wax his too, just for fun!

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Yesterday, the majority of the women I waxed were traveling somewhere this week. They were going to various parts of the Caribbean, Europe, and one was even traveling to Saudi Arabia. I guess they understand that getting waxed before a vacation lightens the plane so it can go faster and they can get to their destination more quickly.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Loving every year with this man. If you get the chance, wish Mark a happy birthday!

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Someone sent me an email request to take care of her fuzzy peach. Maybe she should have asked me for a nectarine?
~Brazilian Humor Continues...~

Sunday, February 21, 2016

This past week was a lot of fun. There were several groups of customers that wanted to experience their Brazilians together. The laughter was infectious, the swearing was constant, and the screams for Jesus could be heard through the entire building. Thank you to everyone who have made my job such a blast!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

When my girl from yesterday got her 2 hour Brazilian from Hell, the technician asked if an apprentice could come into the room to observe. She said the young girl reminded her of a Baseball Catcher with the way she had her head and her face all up in her business. She wasn't sure if the girl had never seen a vagina or she had never seen a black vagina before. I told her all vaginas pretty much looked the same. Black one's just have a better tan. My client said it felt like the apprentice was looking "into her soul." Like the two hour service wasn't awkward enough!

Friday, February 19, 2016

Believe it or not, I'm very understanding when clients go to other salons to get waxed. Whether they try another place because they have a coupon, a gift certificate or just want a different experience, I'm secure enough with my skill not to get offended. What annoys me is when I hear horror stories that are occurring in other salons. One of my clients had a gift certificate to a new chain that opened up in our area. She was on the table for two hours and fifteen minutes getting a Brazilian! That doesn't even make sense to me. Interestingly enough, the technician's daughter comes to me to get her Brazilians done.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Even though my arms were still exhausted from all of the Valentine V-J-Jays last week, I went to the gym and worked out really hard. Then I had a revelation. The reason I don't work out half-assed is becauseI think I'd look funny with only one butt cheek.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I know this may come as a surprise to many of you, but sometimes the strangest things come out of my mouth during a wax. After removing a girl's big hairy bush and oiling her down, I told her she looked like a bright new shiny penny. I think that was the first time I compared a puss to a penny. It was an accurate comparison.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

I had to share this message I got from one of my Facebook friends. His compliment made my day and the story he told was funny: "I have been meaning to tell you I love your books! I just finished the third one last night. (The Happy Trail) I am now watching untold stories of the ER & they have a naked guy covered head to toe in Catie needles. they tweeter out the big ones but how to get all the tiny ones? the went to get wax but could not find any so what to do? Elmer's white glue! worked like a charm! I could not help but think of you!"
Mark & M.E. is having it's first official SNOW DAY!  Let your unwanted hair keep you warm on this crazy, winter day!

Monday, February 15, 2016

A man told his wife she needed to go see the Bush Doctor. Guess that's M.E.!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Happy 29th anniversary, to my partner in everything. #love #marknme

Saturday, February 13, 2016

[one business day until valentine's day]
There's a special holiday
Around the bend.
Give it a day
To thoroughly mend.
~Brazilian words of wisdom~

Friday, February 12, 2016

A girl bought a Groupon for a Brazilian at another salon, because she was trying to save money. The tech took an hour. She said it was very painful and the area was sore for several days. The technician couldn't get all the hair out and blamed it on the fact that the client was black. She never ventured between the cheeks. The client told her she's never had problems getting waxed before. When she told the technician where she went, the girl said she's heard horrible things about Mark & M.E. My first reaction was anger. First, how dare she blame the client for being black? It's not the client's fault that the tech is obviously inexperienced. Second, no Brazilian should ever take an hour. Period. Third, how dare she bad mouth me? Furthermore, I don't need to advertise on Groupon to get business. The client defended us and said we were amazing at what we did. After my initial feeling of anger subsided, I realized you can't control what people say or think about you and I'm proud of all the technicians at Mark & M.E. I also realized that I feel sad for any tech who feels the need to bad mouth someone else to make herself feel better. There are plenty of hairy people in this city to keep us all busy. Maybe if she focussed on becoming better at her job, she wouldn't feel the need to discredit someone she doesn't know.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

[3 business days until V-Day]
Get in to see
The Queen of Brazil,
Before your girl
Looks over the hill!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

[4 Business days to get waxed before V Day]
Don't wait
Until the very last day,
Or you'll be sore
And unable to play.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

{5 business days until V Day}
When you're stressed
And need a distraction,
Let your Brazilian
Be the cumming attraction.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Please don't be like that neighbor who always waits until the last minute to mow his lawn before a big party. There's a sexy holiday around the corner, I only have one lawn mower, and I know your yard could use some landscaping.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Many of you may not know that I've been a fibromyalgia sufferer since I was a teen. Some mornings,  the pain, ache and exhaustion is overwhelming. Today was one of those days. I was laying in bed thinking about the best way to start my day since I felt so crappy. I reminded myself that I give myself Brazilians. As many of you know, it takes a tough bitch to get all her pubic hair ripped out. So I said, "F' You, Fibro!"  I went to the gym and walked on a treadmill until the endorphins kicked in, my circulation was restored, my music made me happy and I felt better.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

{6 Business days until Valentine's Day}
Being bald
Can be so fun.
Like running naked
In the the hot, hot sun.

Friday, February 5, 2016

{7 business days until Valentine's Day}
Don't give him candy
That has calories and Fat.
Give him something naughty
That's related to a cat.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

{8 business days until Valentine's Day}
If you don't feel sexy
Being really hairy,
Visit M.E.
She'll get rid of the scary.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

 {9 business day countdown to Valentine's Day}
If you don't have someone
To share in your lust,
Call on B.O.B.
He'll never leave you in the dust.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Valentine Day Countdown:
You have 10 business days
To get your affairs in order.
I can wax the whole thing
Or just do the border.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Making women feel good about themselves is so empowering. I just have an interesting way of doing it.
~making women feel good, one rip at a time~