Thursday, March 31, 2016

A bunch of people have gotten together to start a Happy Hoo-Ha book club. I was so flattered. I know they will read countless stories that will make them laugh, and many that will make them cringe. I have offered to join the club when they get together to talk about the books to answer any questions and hear their feedback. If any of you ever read one of my books at your club, feel free to contact me. I love to sit around and chat about hoo-ha's!

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I had four new clients yesterday, which was very exciting for me. I love new people! Two of them were convinced that what I was doing to them was making them bleed excessively. Neither were bleeding. Neither bruised. Neither lost any skin or lady parts.  I know it's difficult for some people to endure their first Brazilian Wax. Just let me reiterate a few things. It is not a medical procedure and bleeding is extremely uncommon. There may be occasional bruising, but that is also uncommon. You will not die.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Every day I write something on my hose-down-your-hooha blog and it appears on my Facebook pages. Today I wasn't feeling clever, crude or funny. I was numb. I had to pay my end of the year taxes.  I had to pay my April quarterly installments. I can't believe how New York State penalizes small business owners. It's sickening. So tonight, when I realized I hadn't blogged yet today, I thought about this whole tax thing. If I didn't like making grown women look like toddlers for a living, maybe I'd have a normal job and not be forced to give half of my pay to Uncle Sam every year. Then I realized I'd never be happy doing a normal job. I have the most rewarding job in the world. I make hoo-ha's happy. I make hoo-ha's husbands happy. Nope, Uncle Sam isn't the winner.  I am.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Easter means different things to different people. It can be about church, Jesus, a new dress, bunnies, candy, egg hunts, baskets, peeps.... To me, it's all about Love.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

When I was growing up, I never used my middle name. Only my brother and high school boyfriend called me Mary Elizabeth, which I always loved. When I went to college, there were seven Mary's on my hall. That is when I made the decision to use my full name. I always loved the name Elizabeth, so it made sense to go by the whole thing. Mark's brother didn't like calling me by my full name and every time he called me Mary, Mark would correct him. If his brother hadn't shortened my name to M.E., I'm not sure what the salon would be called. Mark & Mary isn't half as catchy. And that's how Mark & M.E. came to be.

Friday, March 25, 2016


Today is a holiday
Whether you celebrate or not.
I think it's the perfect day
To de-hair your twat.

I am Catholic
You can tell by my name.
Making you hairless
Is my favorite game.

Feel free to scream Jesus
When you see me today.
And I'll get you ready
To go home and play.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

There aren't many times that I want to play hooky from work, but today is actually one day that I wish I could. I sent my romance novel to an editor. She was impressed with my first piece of fiction and had some awesome suggestions to make it even better.  I have been working on it since early this morning. I'm loving adding more detail about my characters. I don't know what it is about creating this imaginary love story, but I absolutely love it. I will be happily waxing from 11-6 today, but my brain will be in the minds of two 17 year old virgins falling in love.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Another reminder of why I love my job...I have a client who comes to have her brows waxed by me every 6-12 weeks. I have probably been doing her brows for at least a decade. In fact, it is the only service she gets done at Mark & M.E. Even though it isn't a long service, I feel I know her very well. Yesterday she came in and it was obvious she was upset. I took her into a private room and she asked me to give her a minute. Then she started crying. She told me that she is having some pretty serious problems with the father of her child. Although she has girlfriends to vent to, she said she knew that getting her brows ripped and talking to me would make her feel better. When I joined Mark in this business, I never expected the relationships with my clients to be so important. The personal rewards I have gained from the people that come to me have far exceeded my greatest expectations. Yep, I love my job.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

A couple years ago, an editor was looking for a local female business woman to feature in their magazine. Someone suggested me. First, I had to fill out a form. Professionally, I told them I owned a salon, wrote books, owned real estate and did all of the bookwork for our businesses. Personally, I told them I had a successful marriage, three college aged children, worked out daily, and was even a gourmet cook. My days are very filled and I love my busy and happy life. They declined to write an article about me, because they said since I didn't do any volunteer work, I didn't hold up to the standards of the women they profiled. I volunteered a ton with the kids when they were in school, but I have since substituted that time with writing books. I'm not sure when I'm supposed to add volunteering to my schedule. When I thought more about the kind words my client wrote yesterday, I remembered that exchange with the magazine. In my own way, I volunteer my positive attitude and encouragement to any woman who walks in the salon and could use a friend. Maybe someday, they'll reconsider writing an article about me. If not, it's ok. I'm good.

Monday, March 21, 2016

Today is going to be a special day. I woke up to this sweetest message from a former client. I'm going to share a small part of it. This is why I love what I do. I love women and I love making them feel better about themselves.  'Idk what the other places are doing different, but I always felt like I had a friend waiting on the other side of the door. ( sorry if that sounds silly, but you always asked if I was ok and honestly coming to your place helped me through one of the hardest points in my life, through your kindness and caring personality)'

Sunday, March 20, 2016

I had a client on Saturday tell me that she really loved my second happy book, so I thought I would remind you what it was called and give you a peek of the chapter titles. The Happy Hen House can be found on Amazon and on Amazon Kindle.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Ok gang, just a reminder that spring is just around the corner. I saw bushes that had been left untouched for months and months and months this past week. It was a very physically demanding week and I am exhausted. My waxing staff and I are excited to have all of you ladies and gents get out of hibernation and get back to your regular grooming rituals. I hope you all learned an important lesson these past few months. Pubic hair will not keep you warm during the winter months. It is time to snap out of your dormant phase and come see your waxing experts at Mark & ME.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Men of all ages and sexual orientations are loving the "Between The Cheeks" service that we offer at the salon. It is definitely a specialized service that we have mastered at Mark & ME. I imagine some of you are baffled why a man would just get his crack waxed and nothing else in that region. One of my guys described why he needs to get this done with an analogy. Have you ever tried to get peanut butter out of your shag carpet?

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Another first at Mark & ME. I had a new client holding her left leg in the air in a one legged happy baby position when her phone rings. I didn't realize she had her blue tooth in her ear, because her hair covered the sides of her face. She knew who it was by the sound of the ringtone. When she answered the phone, she said "why'd you call me during my lesbian time?"

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

A client got a speeding ticket on the way to Mark & ME yesterday. The idea of her rushing to get to her Brazilian Wax appointment gave me an idea. If you ever get pulled over for speeding, tell the police officer that you didn't want to be late for your appointment, because you couldn't live another day with your big bush. Then show him.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Men and women alike have interesting ways of referring to their less than groomed hair.  I've heard women refer to their overgrown nether regions as Sasquatch before. One of the ladies I waxed last week said that her husband referred to it as Sascrotch. She got the hint buddy.

Monday, March 14, 2016

I needed to know more about the reason today is such an important holiday to men all around the globe. I found out that Tom Birdsey, a radio disc jockey, created Steak & BJ Day as a response to all the attention men give their ladies on Valentine's Day. I have to thank Tom for this momentous occasion, because it brought extra women to Mark & ME last week to get their
Brazilian Bikini Waxes in preparation for today!

Sunday, March 13, 2016

How do you know when it has been too long since you got your last Brazilian Wax? When your boyfriend asks you if you broke up with M.E.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

My 7:45 am appointment today worked until 3 in the morning and was exhausted when she walked in. So why did she drag herself out of bed to get a wax? Because Monday is March 14th, National Steak & BJ Day. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this strange American Holiday, it is the one month after Valentine's Celebration geared towards men. So if you forgot about this momentous occasion and need to get a wax, there are still a few spots open this afternoon.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Our son is in Cancun on Spring Break and has been sending snaps of the masses of kids partying like rock stars. I think that next year I should go with tubs of wax and offer my services to the kids who forgot to properly groom before their vacation. I could handle the sun, ocean, booze and all those young, hairy bodies. I'm sure I could convince Mark & M.E.'s very own Kelly to join me. Just an idea...

Thursday, March 10, 2016

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. Even though I love to wax, I love to write, and I'm finally done writing my 'Happy' books. Yesterday, I started the process of having my first romance novel published. I'm not sure how long it will take before it is available Amazon, but my goal is by my birthday in May. It is actually the first book in a series that I have been working very hard on. The book is called 'A Promise of Passion.' It is a fairly explicit love story (now that's a surprise!) that was an absolute blast to write. I can't wait to share it with everyone!

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I started my day with a newbie who warned me that she had a weak bladder. I told her it was no problem, because I've been peed on before. Well, she didn't disappoint. When I waxed one of the more delicate areas, she christened my table. Today is going to be fun!

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

I never knew there was a day dedicated to Women.  I like the idea since I have spent a career making women feel sexy and confident. Cheers to all the beautiful women I have touched in my life. Yes, literally touched.

Monday, March 7, 2016

In November, I got the logo of my third Happy book, The Happy Trail, tattooed on my thigh. It is the silhouette of a woman's backside with a set of lips on her butt. I loved my tattoo. The outline is black and the lips were red. Apparently, red tattoo ink is a carcinogen. Since then, I developed a keratoacanthoma, which is a fast growing cancerous tumor, on the lips. I had to have the tumor surgically removed. I found out today that the surgeon got all of it out, which is a huge relief. Now the lips don't look quite the same. They are a lot thinner and more streamlined. I don't think I'll have them touched up, because it isn't worth the risk. Moral? Avoid red ink and be happy with what your lips look like.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

I haven't been feeling very clever with this whole blogging thing the past two days, because I have been determined to finish my taxes this weekend which I totally hate to do. New York State isn't very nice to us small business owners. I'd like to argue that I shouldn't have to pay taxes, because my job is to make women feel sexy. Feeling sexy is a state of mind, not a good or service. I should not be penalized for making women feel like goddesses, I should be praised and be given a pass!

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Mark & I went to a really hot burlesque show in Las Vegas. There were a couple of things I noticed at the show...#1. The women could not have any pubic hair because their outfits were too small. #2. Aside from the skinny girl with a flat chest who looked stoned, I found the other women very attractive. #3. I wish my butt looked like the women on stage. #4. Long hair is sexy and I plan to grow mine back. #5. David Copperfield didn't turn me on as much as these women did. #6. I couldn't be a lesbian no matter how hot the women on the stage were. I've seen too many scary lady parts in my career. #7. I'm glad I married an open minded man who looks at me like he does those women on the stage. #8. Burlesque in Las Vegas rocks.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Since I teased you with the opening stanza from The Howling Hoo-Ha poem, I thought I'd tease you with another part.

I hate to tell you
But this is gonna hurt-
When I dig up the bush
I pray there's no dirt.