Thursday, June 30, 2011

Face it. We are a generation of women with some hot pusses. Men just can't get enough of us. And it can be difficult to break up with them when they keep hounding us like dogs. In fact, our liberated sexuality makes them want every part of us. So I was not surprised when a client told me her ex was all over her ass to get back in...literally.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A woman in her 40's lost close to 100 pounds. Her mother told her she should celebrate by doing something that made her feel sexy. When she mentioned the conversation to a friend, her friend suggested she drive to Rochester and get a wax by me. Even though she had never been waxed and had to drive an hour and a half, she made it to the salon. Now she is "too sexy for her snatch."

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Need a gift idea for your man's birthday? Put a bow on your bald beave. Trust me, it's a hit every time.

Monday, June 27, 2011

If you have hairs that are stuck to the skin and stubborn to remove, it can be helpful to use an exfoliating scrub in the shower before your wax. We even sell a water based scrub made especially for the puss that won't clog the pores. I'd like to suggest that clients use it on their backside as well. Cleaning up that area a little better would make me a very happy camper.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I think I could have made a killing in the 1970's since the natural look seemed to be the trend. I love R&B music, the crazy clothes and all the big, funky Afro's, so I know I would have fit right in. And it could have been an interesting time to introduce Brazilians to society even though it would have been a lot more difficult service to perform. I definitely would have needed scissors or clippers to pave the way to the promised land. So when a client walks into the wax room and tells me to be prepared because Soul Train is coming, I know I have my work cut out for me.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I asked a woman what she was doing for dinner. She said she was making tacos. She continued by saying that since she was getting a Brazilian, she guessed her husband would be eating tacos twice that day.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Some women just grow more hair than others. And when certain women walk into the room that I know I haven't seen in a long time, I know that I need to get mentally prepared for a good work out. But when a black woman with a large Afro on her head walks into the room and says she could put dreads in her hootch because it was so long, I was ready to run for the hills.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Since the first day of summer was this week, I had several of my seasonal wax clients come in. Many do nothing in the winter. I suppose they like the hair to keep them warm. Problem for me is that sometimes I simply cannot find it.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It is becoming very popular to leave a triangle on the front of the pubic area and wax everything else. Women feel less childlike and men seem to think it's more sexy. I was given the request by a man to leave a decent size triangle in front of his woman and remove all of the hair from the spot where God split her.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A husband told his wife he needed a magnifying glass and a walking stick to wade through her bush in order to find the buried treasure.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Women are very critical about their bodies. They often apologize for being fat, hairy, inflexible, flabby, name it. Even though a Brazilian refers to removing all of the pubic and rectal hair, many women choose to leave some in the front. I had a very slender, flat chested woman tell me that she didn't want to be completely bald. She said that since her boobs look like she is ten years old, she didn't want to look ten years old down there as well.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Why? Because sex is better.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A woman was going to the beach. She came to see me first so she could "swim without shame."

Friday, June 17, 2011

Last year when I was out of town, one of my customers who lives an hour away went to a salon near her home to get waxed for her wedding. Not only did it take 45 minutes, the technician burned her so badly that she blistered, scabbed and eventually scarred along the entire crease of her leg. The doctor gave her permission to wax again after one year. The area was still sensitive after all this time. Choose carefully who you let between your legs.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

A new client told me she preferred getting waxed by a technician who doesn't speak English. She liked the feeling of anonymity that accompanied the awkward service. When she moved to Rochester, several people recommended that she start coming to Mark & M.E. She was worried that I would talk to her. As most of you know, it's hard to shut me up. We chatted through the whole service and I even had her laughing quite a bit. It's funny what people worry about.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Every job has its hazards. Mine has several. Yesterday I was peed on.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A woman told me that she was so nervous she was sweating like a whore in church.

Monday, June 13, 2011

A man was at work going through his checkbook and noticed that his wife had written a check to Mark & M.E. He didn't realize that she had come to see me. He called her as soon as he discovered the entry and told her that seeing a check written to our salon made him very excited and he couldn't wait to see her.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Summer is here. Is your snatch sexy or scary?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I like to keep the conversation going during a wax because it's a good distraction for the client. I asked a woman who she lived with and as I was pulling a strip off she yelled "Jesus!"

Friday, June 10, 2011

I can count on one hand how many women I have thoroughly trained to wax like I do, and only a couple of them can actually do it like me. So if someone tells you she was trained by me, chances are she is full of shit.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Women get so nervous that I am going to judge what I see when they undress. A woman couldn't decide if she should make up a story or tell me the truth about her body. She took off her pants, covered her parts with her hands, and hesitated getting on the table while she decided what to tell me. The problem was that she was bruised on her upper thighs and didn't want me to think she was being abused by her husband. She was actually embarrassed because she tried waxing herself and her skin was pretty beat up. Sometimes saving money just isn't worth it.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I like when the waxing service accompanies another monumental experience. It's flattering to be a part of something memorable. Like when 2 girls come in together for Brazilians then go get their hoods pierced.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Life is a continuous learning experience. And it is amazing what I learn from my clients. Did you know you can buy rubber sheets? They are used for Golden Showers. Yep, that's right. Golden Showers. I guess they are easier to clean when someone pees all over you during sex.

Monday, June 6, 2011

I've had several women over the years bite on their socks or towels when they are getting waxed. The other day, I had another first. A girl said that she forgot her teddy bear to hang onto so she rolled up her jeans and hung onto them for dear life. I have to admit that it looked kind of funny seeing a girl hugging her jeans. But, whatever works.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

A husband kept teasing his wife about how long her hair was getting. He'd rub the area and say that he was patting the rug. After I finished, I told her he couldn't pat the rug anymore. He'd have to pat the linoleum.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Women get so embarrassed when they are really hairy. What they need to understand is that I like it when there is an overgrown bush. Not only does it make me look like I have really done an amazing job, but the wax tends to last longer. The apologies are endless and the comments can be really funny when the bush is big. A woman told me to be prepared because she sprayed Miracle Grow on her vagina.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Waxing is easier, faster and less painful when you get it done on a regular basis. Waiting for months between waxes will make it harder on both of us. A girl who normally gets waxed every four weeks skipped a few months. Boy, did she regret it. She told me that from now on, she will continue to be a frequent flyer no matter what.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

A girl told me that I needed to be careful and not get lost in her Bermuda Triangle. I admit it was a treacherous journey, but I made it out alive.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Another girl told me my superhero name should be The Vagina Whisperer. I just like being referred to as a superhero. And, as a superhero, my mission is "to save the universe from unsightly vagina's!"