Sunday, June 30, 2013

A client asked me to talk about chub rub. I wish I could find something funny to say about it aside from the name. So here's what I got. If you use a lot of powder, the skin can get so dried out that it may get pretty raw when I wax over it. Some chicks use deodorant. That can help with the discomfort. But if your skin is pretty chafed, do me a favor and exfoliate then moisturize the skin before you come in. Makes it easier to wax.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A very healthy, holistic woman told me that the only time she takes Advil is when she comes to see me. Whatever it takes. ~another wax coping mechanism~

Friday, June 28, 2013

If sticks and stones can break your bones, then coarse pubic hair could really maim you. ~more wax wisdom~

Thursday, June 27, 2013

If the average technician takes 45 minutes to do a Brazilian, do you think they are afraid of the vagina or really, really like it?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I met a woman who was married for 18 years and never consummated her marriage. Her husband tried twice but it died upon entry. She told me she should have bought stock in Duracell. ~sad wax confessions~

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A girl brought her friend in for a Brazilian. While I was waxing the visibly uncomfortable friend, my regular client was laughing hysterically saying how much fun it is to be sitting in the chair.

Monday, June 24, 2013

I was waxing a man whose penis kept getting smaller and smaller the closer I got to it. His only comment was "I can't imagine anyone getting aroused!"

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My children are priceless to me, and I think it's ironic that they all came out of my Happy Hoo-Ha.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

A client suggested we create a soap opera called The Bald and The Beautiful. My head has been spinning with ideas. I definitely have enough wax stories for an ongoing series. Bring it on Hollywood. I'm ready!

Friday, June 21, 2013

I need my own version of Taxi Cab Confessions. People share incredibly personal and outrageous things during a Brazilian. But what to call my new TV reality show? Total Cootch Confessions?

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Beware of the bald beaver. They get feisty with no hair. ~wax wisdom~

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Being bald makes you ballsy. ~another Brazilian fact~

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

You can also make things more efficient by wearing a skirt and going commando. ~Another Brilliant Brazilian Tip~

Monday, June 17, 2013

I'm sorry if you think I'm rushing your Brazilian. Actually, I'm just extremely efficient and extremely hyper.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

A girl who came fresh from a shower, walked in the room, took off her pants and discovered she had just gotten her period. She cleaned it up, got on the table, and I gave her a Brazilian. When I was just about to finish, I suggested she go for a drink to celebrate her first wax. Since it was only 8:30 in the morning, I suggested that she get a Bloody Mary. Then I pointed to her vagina and then to myself and said, "get it? Bloody Mary."

Saturday, June 15, 2013

A man and woman came in and got a Couples Brazilian Wax. It was a little different then a Couples Massage.

Friday, June 14, 2013

One of the fours ladies from yesterday left her heels on during her wax. They called it a porn star wax. We have lots of those at Mark & ME.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Four co-workers came together for a wax. They all walked into the room together for the appointment. I had waxed 2 of them before so they were comfortable at Mark & ME. One had been waxed elsewhere. The 4th was a wax virgin. She looked around the room with the 5 of us in there and the closed door and exclaimed that she didn't realize getting Brazilians was a group activity.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I have dozens of women who take Vicodin before their Brazilian. For me, the stomach ache I would get from the Vicodin would be way worse then the wax could ever be.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Last night I had a neck MRI that lasted 45 minutes and all I could think of is why anyone would lie on a table for that long to get a Brazilian. It's Barbaric!

Monday, June 10, 2013

A lady told me it was a treat to get her butt-hole waxed. I can't really say that it is a treat for me.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Referrals are great, because it can help a woman get the inside scoop on this whole mysterious Brazilian thing. I love to hear the advice that people get from their friends before coming to Mark & ME. One woman was told to make sure she kept her hair scarf on so she didn't get color on my pillow.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Women often wait a day to have sex after they've gotten a Brazilian, because it can be tender to use it the same day. I actually had a man tell me that he was going to wait a day after I gave him a Brazilian before using it, because he felt pretty tender as well.

Friday, June 7, 2013

I was telling a married couple about a nasty encounter I recently had with a client who obviously hadn't showered in days. Then I told them a crazy story about a new man that I waxed. That's when the man looked at me and said that I am officially a prostitute, because I will do anybody, no matter what.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

I told the guy with the retractable penis that looked like a cigar nub that his penis was afraid of me. And it was. ~the Brozilian terminator~

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

When I finished giving a man a Brozillian, he sat up, looked down and said he couldn't believe how much his penis had retracted. Retracted? No, that bad boy was trying to disappear.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I use the same facial wax to remove any body hair on any body. It doesn't matter if the hair is long, short, curly or straight. It especially doesn't matter what color it is, even though red head's are often stubborn. But when I hear about a salon charging black girls more because they supposedly use a more expensive wax on their coarse hair, I get pissed off. That is a bull shit excuse to charge more money.

Monday, June 3, 2013

When you lie down on my table and all of your pubic hair is visible, then I do not consider you a big girl. If I can see it, then it'll be no problem to wax it. So I had this lady apologize for being fat and I told her she was fine and why. She started laughing hysterically and said it was the first time in her life she was told she wasn't fat because her vagina was easily in my face.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Things, for the most part, really don't gross me out. In fact, I'm thinking about starting a picture book of all the different shapes and sizes of hemorrhoids I see all day. Some look like flesh colored candy corn. Some look like cauliflower. Some look like bouquets of flowers. Don't avoid getting a Brazilian because you have hemorrhoids. Bring it on! Who knows, you just might make the book.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

When it is hot and humid out, area's under clothing tend to get extra hot and sweaty. Just a pleasant reminder. ~your wax educator~