Vaginas have a lot of power.

"No one should have a furry fanny." Wise words from a loyal Mark & M.E. client.

A silver beaver is not as distinguished as a silver fox.
~waxing words of wisdom~

My staff is very conscientious that I have everything I need when I am busy, like drinking water or waxing supplies. Yesterday, Kiersten knocked on my door and asked me how I was doing and if I needed anything.  I thanked her for checking on me and told her that I was good.  That was when the client sat up and screamed "I need painkillers!"

My mom was reading The Happy Hen House and called me to say that there was a lot of funny and interesting talk about Brazilians. Yep, that's the point.

Whether you're riding the Soul Train or enjoying the sandy beaches of Brazil, I wish everyone a Happy Hoo-Ha Holiday.

Bowel movement, bath,  Brazilian.  These three words are not interchangeable.

Sometimes you'd think I was sodomizing women with watermelons with the way that they scream and carry on. Trust me, there are no watermelons in the wax room.

I went to a busy restaurant last night called Tony D's where Brother Wease, who is one of our popular local disc jockeys, likes to hang out. Whenever I have been on the radio, Wease has a special pet name that he calls me. So people may not know my name is M.E. Nesser, but many of them knew that I was The Vagina Lady.

I have towels to scream into if you forgot a sock.

A woman walked into the wax room and said she brought me a wolf pack. And she wasn't kidding. She could have been hiding a pack of wolves in that mound!

I'm getting ready to go on 95.1 this morning. Brother Wease has been a big supporter of the Hoo-Ha and not only do I hope you get a chance to listen to some of the broadcast, I'd love for some of you to call in with something funny or clever to add to our discussion. It is all of you and your vaginas that make me funny and I think it's our civil duty to spread the joy.

In "The Happy Hen House" there is a chapter entitled WTF. It has to do with moments in my life where I couldn't help but use that expression. This morning I woke up and had a WTF moment. I'm 49 years old today. It doesn't seem real.  But aside from a few aches and pains, I really don't feel any different than I did at 25. I know I look a bit older in the mirror, but my heart and my head are still young, happy and totally energized. So I want to shout out to everyone in my life, professionally and personally, for helping me stay forever young.

The woman from yesterday, who was worried I'd rip off her clit or her hemorrhoid, was so anxious about the waxing that after I pulled a strip from between her legs, she closed her knees around my arm and wouldn't let go. It felt like I was trapped in a vice, and the look on her face said that she was never letting go.

A woman told me, in an authoritative and fairly scolding voice, that I better not remove her clit or her hemorrhoid.  I assured her that there was no hair on her clit and I most definitely was not touching her freaking hemorrhoid.

When someone is in a lot of pain, adrenaline often kicks in and causes the body to quiver and shake. Don't ever be embarrassed or apologize if this happens to you. Instead of worrying that the shaking is due to the pain, let's think of it as your body getting really excited about your wax!

I have been disappointed that the number of people who see my peculiar posts about the puss have been drastically waning. I just learned that Facebook only allows 1-2% of my followers to see what I have to say every day.  They want busniesses to pay in order to reach a wider audience. The only way for me to spread my love for a Happy Hoo-Ha without paying for it is when people like, share and post on my page. So I want to thank everyone who participates in my snatchy sentiments every day, and if you think of a post that you found particularly funny, feel free to go back and share it.

This is a fun time of the year, because a lot women are coming in to try this Brazilian thing for the first time. I had several wax virgins come to the salon yesterday to take that trip through the Brazilian Rainforest with me. One of the newbies was so nervous and got herself so worked up that clients could hear her screaming when they entered the salon. She was one of the loudest screamers to date. It sounded like she was giving birth. And although she fought me with every ounce of her being, I was able to complete her journey to South America.

I tell women on a daily basis that Brazilians enhance their sex lives. One woman wanted to know how that was possible?  She said that since her lips were stuck together, there was no way in.

I was driving home from work the other day and heard the song "Tighten Up" by Archie Bell. You may or may not know this song, but I listen to oldies so I know the song well.  I've never really thought about the lyrics until the other day. As I was listening to the chorus, all I could think of was that one client from a few months ago who told me she didn't wear her Ben Waa Balls to her appointment with me, because she was afraid that when she flinched, the balls would go flying across the room and break my window.

I would like to wish all the moms that I have waxed, the moms to be and the women who have the potential to be a mom but choose not to, a very Happy Mother's Day!

When I  had The Happy Hoo-Ha published, it took six weeks for the book to be converted to an electronic version. Things have really changed in the last year and a half. I am excited to say that The Happy Hen House is available on your Kindle today!

Today is my 1500th consecutive blog, and I never imagined that I would have enough to say for that many days without skipping at least one. I need to have things orderly and balanced in my life, which is why I freaked out this morning and went online and saw that my 2nd book entitled "The Happy Hen House" is available on Amazon as of today!

If you want the area "between your cheeks" waxed, you must give us access to the area in question. I agree that it is a strange sensation having hot wax spread around your butt hole, but clenching your cheeks together like a wild animal who has a death grip on its prey makes it impossible to get to the promised land.

Many women have trouble getting pregnant these days. I waxed a woman who told me that this was "baby making week." She is taking fertility drugs and monitoring her cycle, so she knows that this is the week it could happen. After I finished her Brazilian, I told her that I paved an easier path for her "baby making" to happen.

The cashiers at Michaels always assume I have a big art project when I buy popsicle sticks in massive quantities. I have to admit that sometimes my projects are big.

Don't be afraid that when I rip off your hair that I will rip off those natural pheromones that make you so desirable. In my opinion, the act of ripping out your hair actually stimulates those pheromones and make you even more irresistible.

When I told this guy I was having my second book published in a few weeks, he seemed very impressed. Then he asked me what I wrote about. You should have seen his face when I said I write about vaginas. It was priceless!

At least he had a decent sized salutation.

If you are a gentleman coming in for a Brazilian and feel the need to salute me when you undress, I would prefer if you pinched your parts really hard and stood at ease.  I am a Queen, not a Lieutenant.

Some people like it hot.  I like it hairy.