Sometimes hairy can be really scary.

One of my clients couldn't afford to get waxed so she started shaving about a year ago. Then she began having a problem with ingrown hairs. There were two areas on the bikini line where the ingrown hairs had gotten swollen and painful. When she went to her gynecologist to have them looked at, he immediately sent her to the emergency room. Her ingrown hairs had developed into abscesses and the infection was so bad that it traveled throughout her body. They had to lance the areas to remove the hairs and some of the infection. She had to stay in the hospital overnight and get a strong dosage of IV antibiotics administered to her in order to kill the infection. After she left the hospital, she was put on antibiotics four times a day to make sure the infection was cleared. She has decided that she will figure out a way to pay for waxing since it now appears to be a medical necessity.

I told you shaving was evil.

And what do you call a person who waxes Brazilians for a living?

Today I was called a pussy ripper.

And if you have to cheat on me, remember to ask the salon how long it takes. Anything longer than 20 minutes, run for the hills.

I understand that when you move out of town , you have to cheat on me.

Yesterday a girl called to tell us about her experience at another salon. The technician used small strips (like the one's we use for your upper lip or brow) which makes the service take a million times longer. And, believe me, you want this over as quickly as possible. But the funny part is that the technician made her hold a Popsicle stick over the opening of her cootch.

Now that's just fucked up.

There are bowls of candy around the salon to reward you when you behave and don't kick me in the head or fart in my face. It is also there to keep your children amused or to bribe them to behave while you are getting your wax. Finally, the sugar in candy can help when you feel light headed from the pain. Chewing on candy during the actual Brazilian service, however, is not recommended. Under the right circumstance, hard candy, even for adults, can be a chokable.

There is always a slight possibility of passing out.

So don't forget to breathe.