Monday, February 28, 2011

Got an email from a gal who wanted to know if I had any time to "deforest her." Silly girl. Doesn't she realize I am the queen of deforestation?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

We received an interesting request at Mark & M.E. A girl would like us to put "Oh Shit Handles" on the sides of the bed.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Men often accompany their women in the room while I wax them. I don't think all the guys motives are the same, but I don't care one way or the other as long as they aren't creepy. It's not like they haven't seen their woman's junk before. But I got another interesting request not too long ago. One of the guys wanted to know how I felt about having one or two other couples in the room at the same time. And you wonder why I don't teach grade school anymore?

Friday, February 25, 2011

When a woman is walking into the wax room and says her bush looks like a werewolf, it is hard not to get a lttle nervous.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

When clients vacation in the winter, they will often wait a long time between waxes to make sure they remain totally hair-free throughout their trip. And since New York is so cold in the winter, it isn't as imperative that we stay so impeccably groomed every month. One of my girls waited a really long time between waxes so she was perfect for Jamaica. The night before she came in for the wax, she had a dream that she had 6 inches of pubic hair which she was able to donate to locks of love.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I recommend wearing boy shorts for that in between time. Believe me, guys think we look so hot in these awkward short short things that rise half way up our ass that they won't give a shit if there is a little hair underneath.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A woman with an overgrown puss walked into the wax room and exclaimed that she felt like a Russian traitor.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I really think pubic hair is gross. It can harbor odor and all sorts of female gunk. And I'm happy to say that one of the reasons I am such a busy wax technician is due to the fact that I am not alone with my aversion to unwanted and unnecessary hair that grows between the legs. So when a woman told me she had waited way too long to see me and that not only was she mortified, she was nasified by her hair, I was totally in sync with her perfectly descriptive made up word.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday is the perfect day to enjoy your sexy snatch.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

When you wax as many people as I do every week, I often get right to the point about the positioning of the body. I work quite efficiently and don't have time to waste. I asked a new client to roll on her side and give me her ass. She looked over her shoulder at me and said, "I really like you."

Friday, February 18, 2011

How would you feel about a man waxing your hoo-ha? Well, there are a ton of male technicians in our field, and, from what I've been told, the majority of the men performing Brazilians are supposedly gay. I'm not quite sure if that really makes a difference but it seems to be an important fact when a girl is telling me about her wax experience with a man. But when I heard about a guy who likes the client to put her leg on his shoulder and then goes to the foot of the bed to peer head on at the area in question, I'm thinking something just ain't right.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Don't wink at me when I roll you on your side to wax your rectum because nothing good can come from that.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

For fifty dollar, I can make you holler.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Got another funny email from a client who hadn't been in for close to 2 months. She wrote that her pretty panties didn't deserve her hairy cootch. She still hasn't made it in which must mean she is still wearing her period panties.

Monday, February 14, 2011

A woman hadn't been in since October. She told me her snatch looked like a small rat. It did.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Guys don't like to floss when they eat.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I don't get nervous when a woman goes a really long time between waxes. In fact, the descriptions of their lady parts tend to be funny. A woman emailed me for an appointment and was disgusted by how hairy she was. She said she had a jungle where there should be a beach.

Friday, February 11, 2011

I asked a woman how she knew her husband was "the one." She said when they realized they had an attraction to one another, he said that he couldn't imagine a relationship without oral sex. They have been together for over a decade and she has never been bald. Now she is. I can only imagine how happy he must be.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Everyone's vagina is unique. It is this wondrous entity that lives, breathes, feels pleasure and also feels pain. And everyone's relationship with their vagina is unique as well. If a woman tells me that her cootchy is crying, then I suppose that it is.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

When you are getting any area waxed, please be advised that the area is sticky and it's not a good idea to touch the area until after I have finished and you have properly cleaned up. I had a girl that wouldn't stop putting her hand on her hoo-ha while I was working on her. Her hand got all sticky but she just kept touching it. She said she was sorry but she "couldn't stop playing with it." She continued by saying that "I know he won't be able to stop playing with it either!"

And, as a side note, this is my 300Th blog. Holy shit, I cannot believe I had 300 consecutive things to say! Yea, right.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I have clients that make their appointments via email now and, due to the nature of the service, the emails tend to be funny. The other day a girl asked for a specific day but said as far as the time was concerned, she was flexible: no pun intended.

Monday, February 7, 2011

It should be obvious by now that I am a huge fan of the no hair thing. And it seems I am not alone. Not only do women get it all waxed for a more liberating feeling and to enhance their sex life, they also get it done so they don't have a hairy ass when they get a colonoscopy.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

A guy told his girl she had fat lips. She asked him if he meant PHAT or FAT? He said FAT. Her feelings were obviously hurt and she commented that there was more cushion for the pushing. I thought that was a cute response but my first reaction would have been to slap this dude up side the head. Trust me, if a guy ever criticized my v-j-jay, the only thing he'd be pushing against would be his right hand.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

On the ride to the salon, two newbies were talking about how worried they were that they might pee on the table because they were so nervous. They told me about their conversation and when the second girl was getting waxed, she said it hurt so bad that she really was nervous that she would pee on the table. If they are worried about that now, wait until they have a couple kids.

Happy to say, I did not come in contact with any bodily fluids.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Some of my Hispanic ladies have such fire in their responses. There have been times when they are by far the most entertaining. I think they actually may have hot salsa in their sensations.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

For the most part, my chocolate girls are much more demonstrative than their vanilla counterparts.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Some people lack consideration and don't even shower the same day they come in for a wax. Other's go above and beyond the considerate factor. I have women who actually cut their strings before they come in so the strings aren't in the way.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

In case you were seems to be popular these days for women to leave a triangle in front instead of a landing strip and go commando down below. I've had a lot more requests for this look lately. Must be the current trend in porn. We call it a Brazini at Mark & M.E.