#marknme

I was tagged in an article about Brazilian waxing, so I just read it. The article kept saying how much it hurt. I really don't think it hurts, especially since I can wax myself in less than ten minutes. Why can't they just focus on the amazing benefits of Brazilians instead of focussing on the mild discomfort some people experience? All I can say is their glass is totally half empty whereas mine is always half full!

Mark & I were sitting at a stoplight when I saw a coffee shop called Addicted to the Bean. I couldn't stop laughing! Then it occurred to me, not only is the name creative and highly suggestive, it also describes my addiction. I mean, if anyone is addicted to that area, it would have to be me. It may not be the bean itself, but definitely the house that the bean lives in.

I'm one step closer to getting it published! Happy Sunday everyone!!

Something really cool happened yesterday. A woman had to go to a funeral and she had been crying and was sad. She tried to figure out the best place to go after it ended that would make her feel better. So she came to get a Brazilian with me. We talked about all sorts of crazy shit, which I'm sure surprises all of you who know me. I even taught her about what a FUPA was. She laughed continually for over ten minutes. She was so glad with her decision to come get ripped. She told me that Mark & M.E. was the best place she could have come after the funeral. Most people wouldn't probably think to put funerals and Brazilians together, but she was very thankful that she did.

I truly am a happy person, but there is one day of the year that makes me unhappy.  Yesterday was it. 

Sneak peek at the happy pic for the next book. Love my photographer Joyce Malave!

I can't help myself. I want to share more about what Amazon said about my book, because I am over the moon excited!
"Lighthearted and fun, Nesser takes a literally painful subject and turns it into art, refusing to listen to anyone who would say her work is not suitable for polite conversation. A celebration of the human body, sexuality, and the things we do for beauty, The Happy Trail will delight and titillate anyone who appreciates a good story that starts with dropping underwear."

Amazon just finished editing my third book, The Happy Trail. I was so stoked when I read their description of the book, I felt compelled to share it with you. Here is is!
"Using poetry, stories and illustrations, Nesser sheds light on a rarely discussed, but integral part, of millions of women's beauty regimes. With sass and spunk, she regales readers with the most hysterical, cringe-worthy, raunchy, and just plain strange situations she's encountered while bending over lady bits wielding hot wax."

It may be the last day of summer
And that is definitely a bummer
But that doesn't make it okay
To neglect the path to your lady way
Keeping things fresh
Makes it the best
So don't get lazy
It'll drive you crazy
Nothing feels as bad
Or will make you as sad
As a big, hairy one
When we have no more sun

I went to the acupuncturist today. She asked what areas needed extra needles. I told her the usual.  The hands, elbows, shoulders, neck and knees. She commented that my arms were pretty beat up. I told her that I get down and dirty in the bush and my body has taken a beating. Maybe I should have joined the army. I'm a tough bitch in the trenches. Shove some needles in me and send me back out into the combat zone. Proud to be a warrior in the fight against the hairy hoo-ha.

Yesterday, we learned about another friend whose wife has been diagnosed with cancer. Although it sounds like they caught it early, she still has cancer and still has to have major surgery. It is so scary. It seems like everyday we hear about somebody who is struggling with some form of cancer. When I woke up this morning, I hugged my husband for the longest time feeling an enormous amount of gratitude that he was lying there healthy next to me at 57 years old and I was praying that he stays that way for years to come. But there are no guarantees, so I was soaking up the gratitude while I could.  Every day is truly a gift. Make it count. Choose to be happy friends!

This morning I'm reflecting about all of the random people who really aren't so random and are very important in my life. Like the people at the bank who I genuinely like and see on a weekly basis. There's also the early morning crew that work at Wegman's who I've gotten to know over the years and even know by name. The front end people who work at Midtown are another bunch I genuinely like. And what about those bartenders and servers that you get to know and like? If you think about it, you come across a lot of the same people on a regular basis who become an important part of your life. I just saw a client that I hadn't seen in months and it reminded how much I not only like and care about my clientele, but how much I miss the one's who no longer come to me. People are what make life fulfilling. Feel thankful for all of those "not-so random" people in your life, because they are the sort of random that makes it all worthwhile.

Completely stoked, because Mark & M.E. got recognition from Yelp, because we have such great reviews.  Thank you for that honor! We love you too!!

Sometimes the conversations in the wax rooms are so comical. A girl came in and told me that her snatch looked like a cat. I peeked at it and said it looked like the cat had died. I know, I say the sweetest things to my clients sometimes. She continued by saying that her snatch had been meowing and hissing at her, which was a little disconcerting, but I went with it. We started talking about something else for a few minutes while I removed the angry kitty fur from her midsection. As I was about to ask her to roll on her side, I told her that her kitty was indeed alive and well and ready to purr. Don't you love happy endings? We sure do...in more ways than one! Happy Thursday Rochester!!

Today, a girl was all excited that I was giving her a Brazilian instead of one of my employees. She commented that I was famous.  I asked her what she heard I was famous for. She said I was the famous "vagina lady" in Rochester. I couldn't help but smile. I also couldn't help but think that my dad would have gotten a real kick out of this happy hoo-ha stuff. Vaginas are a pretty funny thing to be famous for, but I'll take that status. I've worked hard to get this bizarre recognition. Thank you for the honor.

Our clients are loving that we have brought facials back to Mark & M.E. and are also loving our very own Mark & M.E. skincare line. It is an organic line based on pure botanicals. For one more week, we are offering our deep cleansing facial for only $40 (regular $70)!  Take advantage of this incredible special. We know you'll love it!

Amazing Clearance Sale! It has just come to our attention that our Happy Hoo-Ha Numbing Cream has expired. The manufacturer assures us that it is still effective way past its shelf life and is not harmful past expiration, but we want to order a new shipment. Although it normally sells for $25 a tube, we are clearing out our remaining 100 boxes at $5/piece. So stop by this week and stock up. Remember, it's great on bug bites too!

I know that it's a sad time in Rochester, NY when the leaves start falling, it rains a lot, and the temperatures are dropping. But that doesn't mean you should stop caring about how you look and how you feel. It seems like the people in this city get very grumpy as summer leaves us. It is a bummer that we don't always see a lot of sun, but instead of lamenting on the impending doom, embrace the change. Continue to do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. Don't grow a winter bush between your legs or have unpolished piggies on your feet. Spend a little more time at the gym and enjoy the positivity that endorphins bring to your body. Stay in bed a little longer and enjoy your parter, or BOB, if no such partner exists. It bums me out that people can't wait for the end of the week or the end of a season. Just enjoy what is in front of you and you may be surprised that you too can enjoy every day in our fair city, regardless of the temperature or the sky. Happy is the new black!

You need to read this before the The Happy Trail comes out!

Yesterday I told you that I've submitted my third happy book to Amazon, which will round out
The Happy Hoo-Ha trilogy. I also told you that you no longer have to worry about making the book.  That isn't entirely accurate. If any of you do anything really outlandish, I could always add it in at the last minute. Just saying...

If you're worried about saying or doing something that will make one of my books, you can rest easy. I just submitted my third and final book in The Happy Hoo-Ha trilogy to Amazon to be edited, formatted and hopefully published before Christmas!

It never ceases to amaze me how people feel the need to rename their genitalia. Some references are funny. Many are crude. And then, every once in awhile, I hear about names that are new to me. Did you know that women have hamburgers and men have hot dogs?

Since I started writing chapters in my books entitled "What's That Smell?" and "WTF" people have gotten a little paranoid that they will make the third book. A woman was so nervous about offending me last week that not only did she clean herself extra thoroughly in the shower right before she drove to the salon, she sprayed her lady parts with perfume. Your considerations are always appreciated.

Labor day weekend is a special holiday for Mark & M.E. In 1991, we had our son Adryan on that Sunday. In 1992, we had our daughter Kaylah on that Monday. It has always been a special weekend for us, so we hope everyone is having an awesome day!

Here's one of my poems in its entirety from The Happy Trail which I am trying to finish this weekend.  What do you think?

 Salty Pretzel Rod

Removing the hair

From your innermost lips

Makes you feel sexy

From your head to your hips.

 When you first take off the hair

It’s tender to touch

And too much friction

Will hurt so much.

You must wait

Many hours or more

Or you won’t be happy

When he goes through your door.

If you don’t wait

For him to enter your bod

His penis will feel

Like a salty pretzel rod.

I've worked at the salon for 25 years and it surprises many that I totally changed career paths to work with my husband. Most people say they'd never be able to work with their spouse. I just don't get that. Why would you marry someone you couldn't stand to be around all day? I hated working at school and only seeing Mark at night and on weekends when we were tired or had a ton of chores to do. It was an awkward time in our relationship and things just didn't run smoothly, because we didn't have enough time together. I think when you love someone, you should want to be with them as much as possible. I still enjoy my alone time at the gym or when I'm reading or writing, but, for the most part, I want to be with my husband. Maybe I'm sounding a little sentimental this morning, but Mark and our son Adryan left at 4:30 this morning to drive to Denver and I'm going to miss both my guys.

There was a lot of talk about cats at Mark & M.E. yesterday. One girl told me her man couldn't wait for her to get back from her appointment with me, but she was planning on telling him that her kitty would be too angry to play until tomorrow. I had another woman just refer to her kitty as being really furry, which was remedied in about ten minutes.  But the best one came towards the end of my day. A woman told her boss that she had to leave work early, because she had to taking her kitty to the groomers. Love my new job description!

Finishing up my 3rd book this weekend.  There is a lot of saucy poetry in it. Here is part of a poem called Dr. ME. I didn't want to print the whole poem, because there just may be a naughty word or two in it. 

Feel free to scream

Feel free to shout

I’ll help you with the problems

You’re talking about.

Don’t hold back

Just let me in

I’ll make you feel better

When it’s over, you’ll grin.

Don’t hold your breath

Or cover your eyes

Being bare

Is the ultimate prize.

When I ask a woman to roll on her side to wax between her cheeks, I often just say "give me your ass." I know it may seem a little crude, but if you think about what I'm doing and the body part I'm working on, then you should be able to understand why I use that phrase. It's a no-nonensense approach to the part of the service many find humiliating. And that's silly, because it is just another place that shouldn't have hair. I had a woman bring in her cousin for a Honeymoon Brazilian. The bride was very nervous when I asked her to roll on her side, because she was afraid it was going to hurt and she was very embarrased about sticking her backside in my face.  I told her that people love the ass.  She started laughing and asked why. There are three main reasons. 1. It means I'm almost done. 2. It doesn't hurt. 3. It's amazing not having hair around your rectum. And now she is a believer too!