Every week I have at least one married woman come in to get a wax for her boyfriend. Doesn't matter to me who you are waxing for. Just a bummer more people aren't having mind blowing sex with their husbands.

A friend of mine suggested I post a pic of myself for those of you who wonder what I look like. Fortunately my daughter knew how to do this. I think she found an appropriate picture for this blog, but I was disappointed that I couldn't add a caption to it.

So, if you're interested, scroll down to the right to see the pic.

And, if I could, I'd like the caption to say..."you never know what you'll find down there!"

We are very kid friendly at our salon. For most salon services, it doesn't really matter if the client has a child with them. It can be awkward, however, when a mom comes in for a Brazilian and has a child with her. Usually we leave the kids downstairs with my husband or a staff member. Occasionally, children do come in the room with their mom. Unless the child is poorly behaved, I could care less.
Today a lady came in with her son & daughter. I offered them some puzzles to play with and showed them a place on the first floor to hang out while I took their mom upstairs. I asked her what her kids thought she was doing at the salon. She told them I was helping her with her groin injury.
Close enough.

I spent a lot of time coming up with the title of the book, and since most people laugh when I tell them the title, I think it was a good choice. I also put a lot of thought into the chapter titles. I do not mean to be disrespectful to any man that I have ever waxed, but, for the most part, men do not tolerate the waxing procedure as well as their female counterpart. That is why my chapter on men is called "guys are the real pussies."

My clients keep me updated on what is trendy or hip. My life is too busy to browse through girly magazines to keep up with the changes in fashion or behaviors. I hear about all sorts of popular trends like hair styles, nail polish colors, verbal expressions, text abbreviations, types of birth control.... And every once in awhile, I am surprised by what I learn.

So since when did "anal become the new oral?"

So I am probably the fastest wax tech around. I can make some girls completely bald in 3-4 minutes. No kidding....no strays.... I have also been called all sorts of interesting names. A couple months ago a lady came to me for the 1st time. It was her 2ND Brazilian ever. Her first experience with someone else lasted almost an hour. She was pretty surprised that it took me less than 10 minutes. She had some female problems which lead to some slight bruising on her bikini line after I finished the service. The day after she got waxed by me, she went to her gynecologist. Since she was scheduling a surgery, he was concerned about how fragile her skin was in that area. So he asked her who the person was that waxed her. She said Zorro. He told her to tell Zorro to slow down.

There is a reason I named the book "Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha." After this week, I am tempted to change it to "Power Wash Your Pussy!" Get the hint?

People have all sorts of pet names for their v-jay-jays. In fact, I have written an entire chapter in my book about the different names that I have heard over the years. What you don't hear much about are names for the rectum. So I was excited when a client told me her girlfriend calls her anus the "brown starfish." After years of looking at assholes, I was thoroughly amused by that description. It's more appropriate then you may think.

I love hearing about the different things men say to encourage their women to come see me. One husband told his wife that he wished she'd do something with her enchanted forest. I told her there was nothing enchanting about the huge, overgrown bush that was between her legs.

Occasionally women scream when they get waxed. After all these years, what's a little screaming? In most cases, it's pretty amusing. But when a woman reaches in her purse to grab a sock to carry to the waxing table, one has to wonder what is going on. And when she gets on the table and says she is ready as she puts the sock in her mouth, it's impossible not to laugh.

A new client comes in and tells me she is terrified. I immediately start in with my uplifting banter to put her at ease. After the first rip, she says "this is excruciating!" I said, "no sweety, you used the wrong "e" word. It's exhilarating." She says, "No it's not. It's fucking excruciating." I replied, "no, it's fucking exhilarating." She started to laugh. At this point, I was almost done. Three more rips, and she was off the table.

So this is how this whole Brazilian thing works. A woman enters the room, gets naked from the waist down, hops up on a massage table, & spreads her legs. Then I spread hot wax all over her genitalia and rip as fast and as furious as possible. This service almost always includes some squirming, yelling, obsenities and even some interesting name calling. The upside of the whole experience is that it is over in less than ten minutes and the client is left bald as a newborn.

hoo-ha talk

"Now it smells better down there." When a 300 pound woman exclaims that this is the best part about getting a Brazilian, then what can I say?

Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

I've written a book about my experiences as a Brazilian Wax Technician that I'm trying to get published. I thought I'd share some bits and pieces with the public to prove to the publishing world that there is an enormous interest in this topic. Think about it....there are naked women in a room together and their encounter includes some pain, embarrassment and some outrageous coversation. I have found that when you have your hands between someone's legs and are spreading their lips apart, they are more prone to tell you intimacies that they may never tell another soul.

For example.....a girl turns on her side, lifts up her cheek so I can wax her rectum and admits that she just did it in the ass for the first time and really liked it.

stay tuned for more...