Dance naked.

You never know when the only dessert he wants....is you.

There have been all sorts of different ways that new clients have found me, but this week there was an original. A woman put an ad on Craigslist asking if anyone knew of a good Brazilian Wax Technician. One man offered to do it for free. Another offered to do it cheaply. But a third person told her about me. In this Internet age, I was totally psyched that not only would someone think to look for a Technician through Craigslist, but that one of my clients would reply by giving her my name. So this is definitely worth the verbal "most original way to find M.E." award!

For those of you who haven't met me, I am a fairly excitable person. Positive, happy and new things tend to excite me. I think I'm a child trapped in a 45 year old woman's body. So yesterday I had several new clients which is always fun. My first one drove to Rochester from Bristol, which is close to an hour away, so that was awesome in itself. She wasn't feeling the love for Mary Elizabeth as I was doing my thing though. I know the first time can be tough. She mentioned that she had seriously considered getting stoned before she came in to see me. This is my reminder to all you ladies out there that think pot will make it easier; it doesn't. It lowers your resistance and really makes you respond like a pussy.

When a client comes in and warns me that I have my work cut out for me, sometimes they aren't kidding. And when she says it looks like an Afro down there, I tend to expect the worse. But when she said her Afro was long enough to Corn Row, I was glad I took my vitamins that morning.

A newlywed told her husband that she had to run some errands and that she would be bald when she got home. His reply? "Thank God."

There are some silly rumors going around about the legalities of this Brazilian thing. I have been informed that some salons are saying that it is illegal to wax the labia. After 20 years in this business, I'd think I would know if it was against the law. In fact, after how many I have done, I'd probably be sentenced to life without parole. I was also told that some salons are saying that waxing the labia causes infection. As long as you have a clean & conscientious salon and you don't tear a woman's skin, then I wouldn't worry. My thought is that the technicians saying this aren't comfortable touching your junk. I'm all about it.

You know how the lighting is always better in the car? There are times when you look in the rear view mirror and see long, scary hairs coming out of your moles or strays under your eyebrows that you were certain you had gotten. This is why so many women keep tweezers in their cars, because the abundance of natural light shows it all.

So let's take this to the next level. One of my girls was driving with her man and he decided to start playing with her puss. So she whips out her junk only to realize that she was sporting quite the hairy bush. It seemed even more nasty with all that natural light shining on it. She told me that was when she called me. She has me on speed dial.

Comparing a Brazilian Wax to "rough sex" was a new one this week. Maybe if more women thought of it this way, they'd be more likely to come in on a regular basis. Everybody likes it rough once in awhile, don't they?

The wax room can be a very religious place. References to God, the Lord and Jesus are very common. But, I'm sorry to say, no matter how much you yell for the Almighty, I don't think he's going to be interested in helping out.

When your fiance asks you if you are sporting "the old fashioned look," it's time.

Saw women from Lester, Livonia, Hornel and Syracuse yesterday. I'm in Rochester. I am so flattered by the dedication that women from all over Western New York have towards the grooming of their genitalia. Just wanted to give an extra thank you to those who travel to see me.

Pregnant pubes need to be pretty too, you know.

Another client tried saving money and started to shave. Her razor burn got so bad that it turned into Folliculitis which is an infection of the hair follicles. That led to a doctor visit, medication and a lot of pain and discomfort. No money was saved.

A woman told me that she came to the realization of why the fat on our waist is called love handles. It occurred to her when her man was hanging on to her sides (which are like handles) as he was making love to her. What most men don't realize is that we don't like that area being grabbed because it reminds us that we have some extra weight on us. Furthermore, hanging onto to any fatty parts tend to make us so self conscious that we can't enjoy the experience. So, moral of the story, there is nothing Lovable about our love handles, so find a better place to hang onto.

Two women braved their first Brazilians together yesterday. The first one tried as hard as she could not to yell or show any kind of painful emotion, because she didn't want her friend to chicken out. The friend, however, was not enjoying her new wax experience at all. In fact, she didn't want me to finish. When I waxed her labia on her left side, I told her that her one lip was done. She then asked me if she had another one? It was then that her girlfriend lovingly advised her that she did in fact have two lips. We were all laughing at this point and although she wasn't sure she wanted me to finish, I was determined to prove to her that she could do it and that it was worth it. That was when the girl exclaimed, "I wish I only had one lip!"

They say Americans tend to have tight hamstrings from the sedentary jobs that so many people have. Believe me, this is something I have been aware of for years. So this blog is encouraging all my lady friends to stretch a little more. Not only will a flexible body help me get at your parts better, it can make your naughty nighttime activities much more interesting.

Yesterday I got a call from a former client of mine who moved to New Jersey a few month's ago. She finally got the nerve to get a Brazilian from someone other than me. She called me from the parking lot of the salon because she couldn't believe how long it took. It took an hour. She said she just had to tell me. During the service she kept looking up in disbelief at how long it was taking and the woman apologized that she was making her sweat and assured her it would be over soon. Not soon enough obviously. Although I feel bad that she had to endure such a long service that, in my mind, should be performed much more efficiently, it was very flattering to have her call me from another salon's parking lot to tell me she missed me. It's also kind of funny that a few years ago a different woman also called me from a salon parking lot in New Jersey to tell me a similar story. I think I could make a lot of money in Jersey.

"Slippery When Wet" is way more fun when the beave is bald.

I love to hear all of the plans and schemes that women have to show off their new look. Last week a woman was celebrating six years with her man and was going to force him to go down there whether he wanted to or not. She couldn't wait to see his expression and I can't wait to hear the rest of the story, which you know I will.

If your guy isn't interested in going Down Under to Taste the Forbidden Fruit, maybe a wax is just what the doctor ordered. If he still isn't interested after you get one, maybe you need another guy.

They say you will live longer if you laugh really hard at least once a day. Yesterday three young girls came to the salon. Only one girl was getting waxed. The other two were there for moral support. While she was on the table, one girl sat near her head, the other on the floor. We chatted the whole time. I told them stories. We laughed a lot. But when I had the girl roll on her side to do her butt, the other two girls were laughing so hard that the girl on the floor was actually rolling around.

At this rate, I should live to be 100.

There have been so many inquiries about my poor sleeping habits that I need to set the record straight on the timing of this blog thing. I normally blog between 6-8 in the morning. The times listed next to my daily entries must be Pacific Time even though I'm in New York. This morning, however, I am typing at 4:30 a.m. and it's the first time that I've blogged at this hour.

Two ladies came in together yesterday. They drove in from a small town near Corning. One of them was new to Mark & M.E. and was giving the gift of a Brazilian to her boyfriend for his birthday. But there was an added bonus. For the first time in my career, I had someone videotape the service. The friend had the camera zoomed in the whole time. I suggested they dub music to the service with a song such as "Hurt So Good" but the client wanted her man to hear her yelling and complaining about the pain. It ended up being only a four minute video, because that is how long it took me to complete the service, but I think he'll enjoy every minute of it.

One of my loyal followers came in on Tuesday and told me she had a blog for me. So here it is. She lives about 45 minutes from the salon so it isn't the most convenient place to get to. She told me that a few weeks ago she sent her husband grocery shopping. Now, for those of you who have husbands, you know that they always buy random items that aren't on your list. Well this particular husband spent a great deal of time in the beauty isle where he was excited to find a $9.00 Brazilian Wax kit. Although she appreciated his good intentions, she was pretty confident that anything $9.00 could not be a good thing. The wax was microwaveable, which is dangerous and I don't recommend. You'd hate to pull a Kardashian. It was a hard wax that had no strips which means it needs to harden before you pull it off. She said that not only was it a hot day, she was nervous and sweating so it wasn't hardening the way the instructions said. Needless to say, after an hour and a half, only the sides of her bikini line and a little of the top were successfully removed.

I'm worth the drive.

When your four year old asks what is hanging out of the sides of your thong panty, it's time.

I was telling my son that it blows my mind how many people read this blog on a regular basis. It's funny because I was never popular growing up. In fact, I didn't have many friends at all, so it has been so exciting to know that I have the ability to make people smile. I honestly never thought this would be such a hit, which is silly, I guess, since I'm talking about pussies. And what better topic to read about then pussies? But I need more followers to prove to a prospective agent that I'm interesting enough to read. Don't be scared to follow. It won't set you up for a mass of nasty porn sent to your email. And if it did, who knows? You may like it. Thanks for reading...for following...and for supporting my quest for the success of the "The Happy Hoo-Ha!"

We have babies...We get Brazilians...The weaker sex? Not.

Sometimes I really can't believe this is what I do for a living. I spread hot wax on every size, shape and color v-j-jay and rip it off like it's the enemy (which is kind of how I view pubic hair.) And every woman I touch provides me with a different thought that enriches my day whether it be funny, sad or insightful. So this Sunday morning I would like to send a shout out to all the patrons of Mark & M.E. I am loving every minute of making this town a happier place, one pussy at a time.

You have no problem spending money on mani's and pedi's but you're thinking twice about the expense of a wax? Priorities ladies.

I still can't believe how often I hear of other salon's taking up to an hour to perform a Brazilian. Someone needs to call the Pussy Police! Not only have we put a banner in front of our salon that says "Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian," we even have shirts that say "Bald in 5" because that is the average time it takes me to do one. I am trying to reinforce the absurdity of the hour service for those of you who do not live in Rochester or for those of you who just don't know any better. Another motto to remember....sixty is sadistic.