On this last day of the year, I hope everyone finds a way to pay some kind of tribute to that incredible part of the woman's body that brings life unto this magnificent Earth.

With the New Year approaching, you may want to try a new look. I can leave a triangle on the front of your pubis. It seems to be a popular look these days. And it can represent an arrow in case your man is directionally challenged.

It can be really funny what song comes on the radio while I am doing a wax. "Hurts so good" is always an appropriate jingle. While I was waxing a woman named Caroline, "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond came on the radio and she started singing. As the song was ending, she said that she would definitely be sweet when I finished with her.

When a woman turned on her side so I could wax that forbidden backside, she told me that only her momma had ever been back in that area.

I heard that some salons give you an ice pack after your wax. I really don't think that icing should be necessary unless the technician had a hard time trying to remove the hair and an unusual amount of swelling occurred. I think ice should be used exclusively for the cocktail that you have after your wax to celebrate just how damn sexy you are.

I know that I can cause clients some discomfort, but it always makes me a little nervous when I look at their face and see that their glasses are fogged up.

Whether you found time to take a quick trip to Brazil or not, I hope you find someone to enjoy your special parts with this Holiday Season.

Another good email came my way. A girl wrote that she was feeling TOO insulated against the cold. My reply was that insulation was overrated.

OK, so you're a little red. It is Christmas, you know.

Congratulations to all of the women who are adding a Brazilian to their Christmas preparation list.

Money tight this year? For fifty one dollars, you can get a Brazilian at Mark & M.E. and a big, red bow from the dollar store and make it the best Christmas he has ever had!

If you have never removed all of your pubic hair, the sensation can be very strange. After a first timer finished cashing out, she sat on our couch in the waiting room and started flapping her knees in and out. I asked her if everything was OK down there. She said she had never felt so free.

I love new clients. They provide me with new blog ideas all of the time. Like yesterday, when I asked a woman to hold her left leg up, she chanted "I'm not gonna kick her, I'm not gonna kick her...." over and over again until she was able to put that leg down.

I love when someone tells me that they love me during the first visit, especially considering what I am doing to them.

And the story continues....The girl on the floor was a bigger girl who had gotten on the table to get waxed but then chickened out. When she got off the table, she put on her bright, yellow thong and sat down trying decide whether or not she had the nerve to try again. When she was on the floor laughing, I asked her friend to roll on her side to wax her ass, and that's when my girl on the floor started hooting & hollering and actually rolling around on my carpet.

I could actually write a hysterical SNL sketch about the two girls from yesterday. When the girl made the remark about her friend doing aerobics, she literally fell off the chair and was in ball on the floor laughing like a hyena.

I had two young, silly black girls in for their first ever wax. The laughter & screaming could be heard through out the salon. When I had the first girl lift up her leg, her friend yelled, "she expects this nigger to do aerobics!?" My reply was short and to the point. I said, "no, not aerobics. Yoga."

When a woman told her husband she was getting waxed after work, he said that his European woman was going away again.

A nurse was describing what a prolapsed rectum looked like to me and how difficult is was to clean that area when someone had that medical problem. It sounds like a painful and embarrassing thing that can happen to your body. But I have to admit that one of my first thoughts after feeling sorry and uncomfortable for the woman was how in the hell I would wax her backside. I think I need a break from waxing.

I love being your hero.

I often ask my clients what their plans are for the weekends. When a girl told me she was going to a hockey game, I told her that her man needed to go skating on her rink.

A girl complained to me that her jaw was clicking and hurt. I told her it sounded like she could have TMJ and maybe she should have it looked at. We talked about how it can be caused by stress and by clenching her jaw. She told me she was pretty anxious about her wax since it had been a while. Sorry darling, I am not responsible for your TMJ.

I'm not the only person who waxes at Mark & M.E. so it's strange when I can hear someone getting waxed in another room but not be able to see what is going on. Not a lot of women scream loud enough that we can hear it through the walls, but it does happen occasionally. The other day I could hear a young girl yelling though the wall. It was weird for me to be able to hear her but not see her. But what really made it unsettling was when I heard her baby start crying. It appears the girl's screams scared the baby.

There are two reasons why I make Ninja sounds while I rip. Either your hair is a bitch to pull out or you are being a weenie and I am hoping to distract you.

Even though it is a lot easier for me to wax you if you come once a month, it can be really funny what women will say about their bush when it has been longer. For example, a woman came in and said that it had been so long since she had a wax that she could hear the growling in her pants.

If your feet smell really bad, feel free to leave your shoes on.

I can't believe that I have been blogging about beaves for almost two years without missing one day. Obsessive compulsive or passionate about my work? I'm thinking it's a little bit of both.

I know it can be more painful for some people, but I thought it was a bit of an exaggeration when a woman told me she felt like she was undergoing a female circumcism.

One of my college students spent the past semester in South Africa and continued to read my blog every day while she was away. It blows my mind that someone can keep up with what's going on here no matter where they are. I graduated with a Master's degree without ever touching a computer. Believe it or not, I wrote papers on this box like contraption called a typewriter. She mentioned that I tell a lot of stories about waxing asses. I can't help it. That's the part that women are usually the most embarrassed about. Get over it. We all have hair there. Just make sure there is nothing else back there.

I have a Holiday slogan that says "you can't have a happy holiday with a hairy hoo-ha." So if you haven't taken the plunge and gone all the way yet, I think now is the time.

Yesterday a woman told me she gave her No Scream Cream to a friend to use on her nipples before she had new areola's tattooed on her breasts. I've heard about women doing that when they have breast cancer but never just because.

And I just wanted to let you know that this is my 600Th consecutive blog. I have been persistent and steady with stories. So doesn't anybody know someone who can help me get my manuscript published?

I heard about a woman who had really bad pain in her tail bone. They took all sorts of tests and weren't sure what was going on even though they did see some kind of mass in that area. She went on vacation and the pain got so bad that she could barely walk. When she went to the hospital, they found out that an ingrown hair was burrowing into her actually bone and had become severely infected. The doctors had to surgically remove the hair and clean out the infection. The girl was awake during the procedure and said the smell was absolutely putrid when they cut her open. Just another reason why we wax your crack.

Sometimes new clients will get really nervous when I ask them to roll on their side. Many women will say just about anything to get out of this part of the service. One woman told me that it wasn't necessary to wax her backside because no one goes fishing in that area.

I cannot imagine doing anything else for a living. I suppose some people would find that disturbing.

Do you really think grabbing my arm is going to make the service easier?

Be thankful that your parts work, even if you aren't using them right at this moment.

They say that Americans eat stupid amounts of calories on Thanksgiving. So I was thinking that it would be a smart idea to substitute one of your many courses for something more natural and intimate. There would be no calories and, if you tried hard enough, you could burn a few while you were at it.

You know its time to come see me when your husband asks if you are going for the natural look.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I think most people would agree that turkey tastes better without its feathers.

I've been blogging about beaves for almost 600 consecutive days, and I just realized that I really don't have many followers considering how dedicated I have been to this project. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is really reading what I write or if I'm the only one who is amused by all the weird and crazy shit that happens at Mark & M.E. If you want me to keep up with my continued stories, see if you can find a friend to become a follower so I know someone cares about cootches as much as I do.

I am thinking about starting a Brazilian dictionary. Brazilian Warfare: When I have to use my body as a shield and as an anchor to hold a leg up and control the situation while the client is trying to roll away from me.

It is not uncommon for a boyfriend or husband to come into the room while I am waxing his girl. One of the guys who I have gotten to know pretty well came into the room and announced that he is now a Vagitarian.

I received hate mail because I do Brazilians for a living. Really?

I have mentioned in the past that I prefer hot wax to hard wax for several reasons. For one, I like the barrier of the cloth between your vag and my hands (even though I wear gloves), I find that the hot wax is more efficient, and I personally tend to get irritated at the spots where I have to grab the hard wax in order to pull it off. But now I have another reason I don't think I will switch products. My best friend lives far from here and she just had her first Brazilian. The woman used hard wax. For some reason the wax wasn't setting up quick enough so the technician had a small fan between my friend's legs. What a visual.

After I finished a Brazilian, the girl said she was thankful that she no longer looked like a Jim Henson creation.

Women get tattoos everywhere. And I mean everywhere. And you know you are due for a wax when you have so much hair that you can't see your tattoo.

There are Groupons for everything these days, including Brazilians. One of my clients went to another salon to take advantage of a cheap wax. When she walked in the room, the girl asked her if she ever had a Brazilian before. She said that she normally went to Mark & M.E. They girl replied with a long sigh and said that she didn't do them as good as we do. This made the woman quite nervous and, as it turned out, she had every right to be. The technician used small strips, small sticks, and a hard wax on the lips that got stuck to the skin and had to be picked off. After close to an hour, the woman was left red, swollen and rashy. She'll never cheat on me again.

If I see anything creepy down there, I am going to say something. It is never to embarrass you or suggest that you have something funky going on between your legs. I am all about a bald, healthy and happy vagina and it's a lot easier for me to see your parts.

There are many expressions that people use to describe different body types. I learned that there is a word for when a woman has a large stomach that hangs over her lady parts and you can't tell where the stomach ends and the puss begins. The word is BUNT. When the belly hangs over the c...

Now that our guys know that we are more into warmth and comfort with our underwear, I hope they can be more understanding why we don't parade in sexy lingerie 24-7. We don't ask them to stick a string of lace up their ass, so why should we? I had to laugh, however, when a client told me that she has a pair of old, comfy pajamas that she wears that indicates to her husband that he ain't getting any. He calls them the d-erection jammies.

Men like us to be dressed all sexy in frilly undies and lacy teddies that try to make us look like a little girl,a porn star or even a whore. What they don't realize is that a lot of the sexy lingerie out there isn't very comfortable, doesn't always look as good on us as it does on the Victoria Secret models, and, frankly, it just doesn't keep us very warm in our lovely Western New York climate. So you might want to take us to Hawaii or some other tropical destination and we'll consider putting on some undergarments that make us self conscious about our celluite and muffins tops and itch like crazy and let you have your little fantasy.

I received an email from a client who wanted to get a wax, but I was out of town when she wanted to come in. Instead of having one of my staff members wax her, she decided to wait until I came back. There was only a small window of opportunity between the time I got home and the time she left for vacation. Her message to me said that it was vital she found a time to come in because woolly mammoths don't belong in the tropics.

Old, new, borrowed, blue. Don't forget bald.

Hey guys, cartoon undies are not sexy. And, for the record, we expect you to groom your junk as well.

One of my clients convinced me to start a twitter account. My user name is SassySnatch in case you're interested. My tweets are different then my blogs. Don't worry, I still tweet about twats. It has been kind of fun thinking about pusses in a different way. Check me out. My goal is to keep some humor in your hoo-ha.

A lot of women are self conscious about the shape and/or size of their labia. In my opinion, the puss is distinctive and unique just like the rest of the body. I even know women who have had surgery to make their labia more attractive. But I recently heard of the strangest scenario about a girl who was so embarrassed and uncomfortable with her large outer labia that she tucked them inside her body every day. I think this girl probably doesn't need a plastic surgeon but maybe a psychiatrist.

I have a very interesting job.

Often women will make their appointments early in the morning so they can get it over with. A girl, who had driven an hour to see me, walked in the door and told me she had driven a long way to see me and it felt like the drive of death. Ladies, it's not that bad!

I got an email from a girl who said that if she had to wait one more week, she'd need a zoo keeper. Interesting visual.

I asked a woman to roll on her right so I could wax her backside when she stopped, pointed a finger at me and said "now listen, I don't have a perfect asshole." Trust me, no one does.

The other day, I told you about an older woman who's husband wanted to watch and she told him to kiss it good bye.[and he did] I just remembered that she told me he couldn't wait for her to come home so he could try it out. She told him he'd have to wait, because she wanted to try it out and get used to it first.

Tooting while I'm ripping is annoying.

Once you've seen one, it's really no big deal.

Someone told me they heard something funny on TV. A girl said she needed to turn her peach into a nectarine. I always preferred nectarines.

A first time Brazilian client told me she has been married 42 years and her husband wanted to come to the appointment with her to watch. She told him that he was not allowed to come but he could kiss it good bye. So he did.

A mature woman gets off the table, walks over to the full length mirror to examine her new bald look and says, "oh, you're 12 again!"

For some people, a Brazilian can be very painful. It isn't uncommon for women to swear, scream and make all sorts of guttural sounds during the service. So I had to laugh when a woman asked me if it would be OK if she yelled. I gave her my permission and my blessing.

I don't like using hard wax because it slows me down and every time I have used it on myself, I find that it hurts a lot more. I also prefer the barrier of the strip that separates your lady parts and my gloved hand. And, frankly, I don't like picking at your puss which is what you have to do after you let the wax harden.

You're going to think twice about using the blow dryer at the gym, aren't you?

A woman came into the salon and said she read yesterday's blog. She knew what health club I was referring to. She said that the other day there was a lady who was standing naked in the locker room with her foot up on a bench and she was blow drying her pubic hair with the communal blow dryer.

I hear there is an upscale workout facility in town that has a lot of women with big, hairy bushes walking around naked in the locker room. I am tempted to join the club just so I can walk around and hand out my cards.

When the girl yesterday asked me if I had ever seen such an ugly puss, the only response I had was to say that I think they are all ugly.

Four college girls came together for a wax. One of the girls had a very loud, vulgar vocabulary and was yelling through the entire service and I was sure that anyone waiting in the hallway could hear her. Towards the end of the wax, she yelled
"don't I have the ugliest fucking pussy?!"

After I finished her, I left the room to do my next client who was waiting in the hall. When we walked into the other room, she asked me what the "ugliest fucking pussy looked like?"

A woman told me she was propositioned by another woman but didn't even consider it, because, in her own words, "I ain't eating out no vagina's."

Some of my 40 year old women are wild. They are eager to try new and exciting things. For example, one of my divorced ladies has never had a sexual encounter with another woman. Although she currently has a man in her life, she feels the need to try out the other side just in case she is missing something really awesome. And, of course, she had to prepare herself for this encounter by coming to see me first.

Every once in awhile, the condom comes off inside a woman. And there are times when it is impossible to find that sucker and get it out. So when a 30 year old woman had to go to the doctor to get the condom out of its hiding place, she was mortified that it now says in her permanent record that a foreign object was removed from her vagina.

A woman wanted to let her husband know that she wasn't coming right home after work because she had an appointment with me. She had to be cautious what she wrote in the email, however, because all of her emails are monitored at work. So she sent him a message saying that she had a grooming appointment. That's an appropriate description.

When my last client of the day came in, I told her to come right upstairs, because she was my caboose of the evening. As we were walking into the wax room, she told me that I needed to take care of her caboose.

I got a phone call from a girl who used to get waxed by me in college. She was getting a manicure & pedicure at another salon and they offered to give her a Brazilian. She said it took forever. They kept going over the same areas. She started to cry because it hurt so badly. She had never gone anywhere else and was shocked that the experience could have been so different. She called me as she was leaving the salon to tell me what happened. Her voice was shaky and I could tell she was really upset. Sometimes, I'm worth the drive.

There are certain parts of the body that women don't like to have sucked on when they are hairy, and that is one of the reasons many of them come to see me. But I had to laugh when a client told me her man was kissing her all over her body and when he started to suck her toe, she freaked out. It was hairy.

Pusses aren't the only thing I wax. I was waxing a gay man's back and we were talking about vagina's. As our discussion about the vagina continued, he told me that he thought lady parts were scary, he had no idea what to do with them, so he just stayed away from them.

I hope your man has the munchies on this magnificent Monday morning. It really is a wonderful way to start the week.

It is not uncommon for women to go out for a drink after they get a wax as a reward for enduring their Brazilian experience and to celebrate their new, sexy selves. The other day, however, a woman told me she went and had a chocolate shake before her appointment as her reward. That was a first.

A woman texts her man and says she has an appointment with me at 12:30. He replies with a WOO-HO and a smiley face. That made my day.

If I accidentally rip off a skin tab, don't be freaked out by the blood. The puss is a very vascular area and it tends to bleed a lot. Instead, be joyful that you won't have to pay a doctor to remove the annoying little bugger.

Mark & I went out to eat at a restaurant where we know several of the servers. When I walked into the dining room, I was graciously greeted by a group of women who frequent Mark & M.E. The one busboy working there is a son of one of the servers. From the conversation, he realized who I was and went up to his mom and whispered, "is that the woman who waxes your crotch?" She said yes and told him my name. When he came back to our table, he seemed embarrassed. Being served water by him will never be the same again.

If you can't control how you react to pain, take your shoes off. The back of my head would appreciate the gesture.

Stretch before you come in. Makes it easier to get to your parts. Besides, a man always appreciates a flexible woman.

Please stop trimming your twat before you come in for your wax. Nine times out of ten, you trim it too short. And when it's too short, there will be little, stubbly hairs left all over the place and that really pisses me off.

Great day to stay in bed and enjoy your wax.

This is a depressing time of year in Rochester NY. It is cold and rainy and people tend to get pretty grumpy. So, this year, instead of moaning and groaning about the dreary climate we live in, moan and groan like a champ after you get your cootch waxed.

Sometimes I am fascinated by what I learn from my clients. For example, did you know you can get Botox treatments under your arms to stop from sweating?

And, another thing.....we all have pretty much the same equipment.

I really, really don't care about your lumps, bumps and stretch marks. I only focus on one thing, and that is the nasty hair between your legs, so get over the modesty thing. It's a waste of time.

Pubic hair knows no boundaries. It can travel anywhere. So if a woman has a furry tail at the top of her crack, it ain't cute, it's mine.

I grip it then I rip it. Simple.

On this Holy day of the week, take a long moment to pay some respect to that very precious part of the body that brings life into this world.

I was reading an article that said there is a correlation between breast implants and arthritis. That seems really hard to believe. Besides, if there was a correlation, I still think it would be worth it. It's important to have pretty boobs and a pretty beave.

I don't care who you sleep with or how many people you sleep with, as long as you're well groomed while you're doing it.

Pusses aren't the only thing I'm good at. I can wax a pretty mean set of brows. I had to laugh when one of my girls called and said she was desperate to come in because she didn't want her caterpillars to turn into butterflies.

Hemorrhoids don't bother me except when their owners don't bathe them properly.

When really bad foot odor isn't the worse smell in the room, you know it's going to be a long day.

I know I have said it before, but it is incredible how empowering being bald is.

Movie references continue to amuse me. When a woman tells me to clean up her "Gorilla's In The Mist," I am happy to comply.

I lift a girl's leg up and as I'm about to rip, she kicks me in the back of the head. So I use my body to hold her leg down and she crosses her opposite knee over and knees me in the boobs. I did not pull her off the street and force her to get waxed. She came in voluntarily. All I can say is thank God she was really small.

Don't worry if you have a lot of hair. I have no problem hulking your hoo-ha.

Four cute, young girls were in the room together getting waxed. Sounds like a pussy party to me.

As I was waxing a severely hungover woman, she told me it felt like I was shoving needles in her eyes. I wasn't near her face.

Emails can be the source of some great blogs. This morning I received one that said a woman needed to make her Disney Story less "Jungle Book" and more "Aladdin's Magic Carpet."

A newbie was really excited to feel her lips after I ripped the dense, coarse hair from them. She said they felt like a skating rink. Another first.

"It's better to wax than scratch." That's what I wrote on my new twitter site yesterday. Now I blog and tweet! My user name is SassySnatch. Thought that was an appropriate name.

Every woman thinks they have weird looking lips and are often afraid that I won't be able to wax them because there is something inherently wrong with them.. For the record, I think all lips are weird looking, but that has nothing to do with whether or not I can wax them. If they are hairy, they can be waxed. Stop obsessing about the size, shape and texture of them. In 20 years, I have yet to see a pair of lips that I thought looked attractive or got excited about. It's just another body part that screams to be bald.

Two friends came in together last month to get waxed. Their husbands are also friends with one another and everyone was excited about their appointment with me. The day after they were waxed, the one guy called the other guy to tell him that he was still wiping his mouth.

A couple was discussing their finances. They were trying to figure out areas where they could save money. The wife offered to cut out her Brazilians. Her husband said he'd rather get rid of cable.

Did you know that it is possible for the v-j-jay to get all stretched out and discolored? According to one of my cops, prostitutes often have big, dark lips that the cops like to refer to as roast beef curtains.

If your guy isn't Brazilian worthy, don't give up the Brazilians, give up the guy.

A couple weeks ago I blogged about a woman who had really bad gas and kept apologizing for "fluffing" during the service. Since then I learned that there is an occupation in our culture called a "fluffer." According to my sources, a fluffer is a person who works in the porn industry keeping the main characters erect during filming. I thought this was fascinating, and I have to thank my clients for keeping me so well informed.

If you have to bring 2 friends in to hold your hands and even take turns holding a leg, I have to wonder if you really want it done.

"No one leaves Mark & M.E. with a hairy ass." That is something I say to every new person who comes in and is afraid to roll on their side. Every once in awhile, however, I'll let someone get away with not getting it done. A girl told me she really wasn't in the mood to get her ass waxed, and, if it was OK with me, she'd really prefer to wait until the next time to do that part. I was totally OK with that. It's not that I'm obsessed with the rectum, I just like to be thorough.

I met a woman who may be able to help me get more exposure for this blog as well as my book called "The Happy Hoo-Ha" that I'm trying to get published. She also wondered if I'd be interested in writing some fictional stories for a smutty woman's blog. I told her if she can give my hoo-ha more exposure, I'd love to write for her. Now, for some reason, that just didn't sound right.

If you aren't sure if your period is completely over, be polite and plug up. Please.

One of my girls tried getting her husband to come in and watch her get waxed, but he told her it's like a hotdog. You really don't want to know what goes into it, you just want to enjoy it.

A man wanted to fool around one night. His woman said no way. She told him that there is no baby butter allowed in that area the night before a wax. God, I've trained my girls well.

Wanna look forward to Monday morning instead of dreading it? Wake up 15 minutes earlier and spend that time enjoying your waxed womanhood.

A woman walked into the room and said, "my husband said Tarzan could swing through this."

When a new client said "I can't have sex tonight, can I?" I told her that she could as long as her man licked her wounds. That is when she said, "Why do you think I'm here?!"

Today marks my 500Th consecutive blog. Thanks for following.

The hurricane in the Atlantic is very scary, especially since no one has any control over it. A hurricane on your hoo-ha, however, can be controlled. So if you have a hurricane brewing between your legs, take control of your storm.

Less hair, less friction. Simple.

When I get an email from a girl who says she needs to get in because her beave needs to breathe, I am happy to say I have to the tools to give her the air she needs.

When you have a baby, your private area gets extremely sore. So the hospital gives you Dermoplast Spray which you spray on your lady parts and it soothes and numbs the area.
Life is hectic. And sometimes we just don't pay attention to what we are doing. A woman was sore after a wax and thought a little of the numbing spray would make it feel better. Shame it was Solarcaine.

Women have interesting analogies when describing the whole process of the Brazilian Wax. Someone told me she wanted me to Rooter her Cooter and everything in between. So I did.

It's a rainy Sunday. What a perfect day to enjoy your "slip n slide."

Pretty panties aren't that pretty with prickly pubes or a plush pasture peeking out of them.

A girl told her boyfriend she was going to see her "Pussy Pal." I guess, in a very strange way, I am a very good friend to the pussy.

If you can endure just a few minutes of pain, there is the potential for you to enjoy endless hours of pleasure.

Women have all sorts of cute ways of telling their men they are coming to see me. One of my clients told her boyfriend she was off to see Jack the Ripper. It only took a second for a huge smile to form on his face.

The scenario with the man from yesterday continues. As I got closer to the shaft of his penis, he really started losing his composure. That is when he growled at me in that same demonic voice and said, "did you rip my cock off?" That is when I flicked his flaccid penis with my finger like I was flicking a fly off the skin and said, "nope, it's still there."

A man dared his wife's friend to get a Brazilian. He told her if she did it, so would he. He didn't tolerate the wax very well. He was sweating, yelling and squirming all over the place. At one point during the service, he lifted his head up and in the most demonic voice said to me, "do...you...hate...men?!?!"

At some point, I am going to make a career change. With your help, I hope to change from being a ripper to being a writer.

I know it must be weird to go into a new salon and just take your pants off in front of a stranger and hop on a table completely exposed so you can get some pain inflicted upon you. In fact, I can see how this whole scenario involves a lot of trust. Well, you can trust me when I say you are not the hairiest, scariest or smelliest person I have ever worked on. And you can also trust that I will not judge you. I just want to make you bald as efficiently as possible and hopefully keep you distracted enough so that coming back to see me won't be so nerve wracking next time.

A woman told me that her husband was considering getting a "manzilian." I told her that he shouldn't bother. Most men can't take it and they rarely do it twice. Sorry fellas, it's the truth.

It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out that it is more fun when there is nothing in your way.

Some people think we should just go with the natural look the way God intended. A client told me that God wouldn't have let us figure out how to make wax if he wanted us hairy.

I asked a girl if she was going out since it was a Friday night. She said she was staying home to nurse her vagina.

I have become very popular with the runners in Rochester. Why, you may ask? Because shaving causes irritation. Leaving it hairy causes irritation. Basically what I have learned is that you can run faster when you don't have blisters on our beave.

This is perfect since it's Sunday. A woman came in and said, "Mary Elizabeth, I have a Catholic Confession to make. It has been 2 months since my last Brazilian."

A Brazilian refers to the removal of all of the pubic and rectal hair. And I have a strict policy that no one leaves Mark & M.E. with ass hair. My goal is to wax every square inch, every time. I know that can be a scary thought, but that part of the body really doesn't hurt to get waxed. I couldn't help but laugh, however, when a girl told me her shit hole was scared.

When a grown woman "fluffs" through the entire wax and apologizes for "fluffing" and says she is embarrassed that she keeps "fluffing" and says she can't stop "fluffing," I have to admit that I wasn't grossed out or even shocked. I just couldn't stop laughing.

Gotta love the expression on a man's face when he discovers that his woman has gotten her first Brazilian. Better than Christmas.

There are so many fun and wonderful names for the female anatomy that sometimes I just can't decide which one I like the best. I had a husband come with his wife to one of her waxing appointments. The next time, when she came by herself, she said that her husband was interested in what I called her lady parts that day. You never know.

A woman told me she was going to have to buy a good lawnmower because her lawn was so overgrown. She continued by saying that she decided to come see me instead because she needed a good landscaper.

A client told me she liked getting waxed, because it's better to lick the kitty when the kitty is clean.

Getting a Brazilian should be the woman's idea. Generally, if a woman only does it for a man, she won't keep it up. However, when a man "respectfully requests" that she go bald so he can really enjoy it, it's hard to say no.

There are disposable wipes in the restroom for a reason. Even though I use a new stick every time down there, gunk in the creases is not OK.

Because I approach waxing with such intensity and enthusiasm, a girl told me she was ready for me to "hulk her hootch."

A woman walked into the room and told me to be prepared because a cave man was coming to see me. Although she wasn't kidding, I was glad it was a cave woman I was waxing, and not a man.

When the LPGA came to town, one of the professional golfers from Europe came to see me. I was so flattered when she said that she has been waxed all over the world, and I gave her the best wax she had ever had. She did not fit my stereotype of a golfer, however. Not only was she incredibly physically fit, she wanted to be waxed because her male trainer was so hot.

Never underestimate the power of the pussy.

A girl picked up a dude, took him back to her place, then hid in the bathroom to shave quick cuz she wasn't prepared. Shaving can be dangerous, especially when you are drunk. She ends up cutting herself and it takes awhile to get the bleeding under control. When she came of the bathroom, he was passed out. She texted her friend and said "I cut my labia for this!"

If a kid in beauty school wants to experiment waxing your puss and she has never taken a class, think again. A cosmetology student wanted to try different techniques on one of my clients. When she came at her with a scissors, she accidentally cut her skin, the girl needed antibiotics, and now she has a scar.

Got your period? No biggie. Shower. Fresh tampon. It's all good. I told that to a woman, but she said she didn't want the two of us to meet. That's OK too.

About 10 years ago, my son made a sign to put on the door of my Facial Room at the Salon that said Relaxtion Suite. Although I only do waxing in that room now, I have never wanted to remove the sign. A woman walked into the room recently and commented that she was entering the Pain Chamber. It ccurred to me that things have really changed over the years.

I commented to a girl that she had really hairy lips. She said she'd rather have hairy lips down below. Agreed.

A husband kept putting off renewing his life insurance. So his wife kept putting off getting a wax. She gave him an ultimatum. She wasn't getting waxed until he renewed the policy. Everyone is happy in that household today.

When a woman has thick, dark hair, it can look pretty creepy when I rip off a large amount at one time. The other day I pulled a huge strip off of a lady and she said, "oh look, I had a mouse living down there."

I have a client that lives fairly far from the salon that comes in every 6 weeks for her braces on her teeth to be adjusted. She said that the timing is perfect. Every 6 weeks she comes to Rochester for her braces and her beave.

I heard about a salon that puts a dollop of essential oils on your rectal hole before waxing that area. I'm not sure if it's kinky, a little odd or just plain unnecessary. Wax doesn't stick to oil, but hair does grow right up to the promised land. When I asked my client how she felt about having oil put on her rectum, she said that it was really weird and she went home with a hairy ass hole!

Every time we would rip off a strip, a girl would do a sit up. It was an interesting reaction to the whole waxing process. But isn't it cool that you can get a free work out while you are getting waxed?

A girl told me that she went to another salon in town and the technician took 2 hours to give her a Brazilian. I told her that I didn't realize that the salon even did Brazilians. She said that they obviously didn't by the stupid amount of time it took to do it. I then asked her if she got a happy ending because I cannot fathom what could ever take so long. She told me that she wasn't able to get a happy ending for a very long time.

I have clean up stations in every wax room to ensure you get all of the stickiness off of your body. If after you leave the salon, you find yourself peeing all over the place, you did a lousy job of cleaning up.

A very beautiful woman that I wax is with a man that doesn't like to have sex. I wrote an article for the online magazine called The Social Gods that gives men advice on how to get lucky on a more regular basis. I heard that she put the link to the article which is called "Sex & A Successful Relationship" on her fridge. Sounds like a pretty blatant hint for her man.

As you all know, I have a slightly twisted obsession with pussies. So it shouldn't surprise you that I am interested in penises as well. I'm psyched to say that I have had another article published. Here's the link... http://thesocialgods.com/boxers-briefs-bikinis-or-bare/ I'm so happy to have found another forum to talk about genitalia. Check it out!

The online reviews of Mark & M.E. are awesome & I can't thank everyone enough for their positive comments. A new girl said she came to me because of the 29 reviews on Google. She said she really hoped I made it quick and painless so she could be the 30Th.

People are often surprised by what I do for a living. I admit it's a bit unusual. But it still blows me away when people don't know what a Brazilian Bikini Wax even is. How is that possible?

One of my guys called me and asked if I was in the mood to torture a 40 year old man. Silly question.

I got a funny response to my piercing blog yesterday. A 30 year old woman was having an x-ray and her mother was in the room with her. The mom wanted to know if there was a button on her underwear.

When I was a teen, I had to sneak it when I started shaving because my mom thought I was too young. She figured it out quickly enough by the blood all over the bathroom. Nowadays, kids shave or wax everything. Not only do parents know, some drive them to their appointments to see me. But when one of my girls admitted to showing her mom her genital piercing, even I was surprised. That is one thing I could never show my momma.

Someone went elsewhere and got a Brazilian that took 2 hours. I don't get it. Nobody's puss is that big. Anyways, she said it was like a really bad one night stand with regret and everything.

An ugly bikini line can be very frustrating and a woman will try anything to help with the rash and bumps that accompany shaving. I have heard of women using rubbing alcohol, cortisone, astringent, oil, powder. Recently, I heard of a new one. One of my clients even tried Proactive on her puss.

A woman needed to get waxed before the 4Th of July. She said she was walking in the parade and needed the road cleared and paved for the festivities in the event she found an Uncle Sam who wanted her.

Went to a crazy bachelorette party last night and there was a male stripper that came to the house. He had an incredible body and put on an awesome show. The best part about this guy was that, aside from the hair on his head and a baby landing strip, he was hairless.

I finally saw the movie The Bucket List. I never heard of that expression prior to the movie and I didn't realize people had such lists of things they wanted to do before they died. When a woman told me that getting a Brazilian was on her bucket list, I felt honored to be part of such a monumental occasion.

A woman posted on her facebook wall...I'm excited to see Mary Elizabeth in the morning. There is no better way to start your day than with a cup of coffee and searing, ripping, self inflicting pain. Isn't that sweet?

Face it. We are a generation of women with some hot pusses. Men just can't get enough of us. And it can be difficult to break up with them when they keep hounding us like dogs. In fact, our liberated sexuality makes them want every part of us. So I was not surprised when a client told me her ex was all over her ass to get back in...literally.

A woman in her 40's lost close to 100 pounds. Her mother told her she should celebrate by doing something that made her feel sexy. When she mentioned the conversation to a friend, her friend suggested she drive to Rochester and get a wax by me. Even though she had never been waxed and had to drive an hour and a half, she made it to the salon. Now she is "too sexy for her snatch."

Need a gift idea for your man's birthday? Put a bow on your bald beave. Trust me, it's a hit every time.

If you have hairs that are stuck to the skin and stubborn to remove, it can be helpful to use an exfoliating scrub in the shower before your wax. We even sell a water based scrub made especially for the puss that won't clog the pores. I'd like to suggest that clients use it on their backside as well. Cleaning up that area a little better would make me a very happy camper.

I think I could have made a killing in the 1970's since the natural look seemed to be the trend. I love R&B music, the crazy clothes and all the big, funky Afro's, so I know I would have fit right in. And it could have been an interesting time to introduce Brazilians to society even though it would have been a lot more difficult service to perform. I definitely would have needed scissors or clippers to pave the way to the promised land. So when a client walks into the wax room and tells me to be prepared because Soul Train is coming, I know I have my work cut out for me.

I asked a woman what she was doing for dinner. She said she was making tacos. She continued by saying that since she was getting a Brazilian, she guessed her husband would be eating tacos twice that day.

Some women just grow more hair than others. And when certain women walk into the room that I know I haven't seen in a long time, I know that I need to get mentally prepared for a good work out. But when a black woman with a large Afro on her head walks into the room and says she could put dreads in her hootch because it was so long, I was ready to run for the hills.

Since the first day of summer was this week, I had several of my seasonal wax clients come in. Many do nothing in the winter. I suppose they like the hair to keep them warm. Problem for me is that sometimes I simply cannot find it.

It is becoming very popular to leave a triangle on the front of the pubic area and wax everything else. Women feel less childlike and men seem to think it's more sexy. I was given the request by a man to leave a decent size triangle in front of his woman and remove all of the hair from the spot where God split her.

A husband told his wife he needed a magnifying glass and a walking stick to wade through her bush in order to find the buried treasure.

Women are very critical about their bodies. They often apologize for being fat, hairy, inflexible, flabby, sweaty....you name it. Even though a Brazilian refers to removing all of the pubic and rectal hair, many women choose to leave some in the front. I had a very slender, flat chested woman tell me that she didn't want to be completely bald. She said that since her boobs look like she is ten years old, she didn't want to look ten years old down there as well.

Why? Because sex is better.

A woman was going to the beach. She came to see me first so she could "swim without shame."

Last year when I was out of town, one of my customers who lives an hour away went to a salon near her home to get waxed for her wedding. Not only did it take 45 minutes, the technician burned her so badly that she blistered, scabbed and eventually scarred along the entire crease of her leg. The doctor gave her permission to wax again after one year. The area was still sensitive after all this time. Choose carefully who you let between your legs.

A new client told me she preferred getting waxed by a technician who doesn't speak English. She liked the feeling of anonymity that accompanied the awkward service. When she moved to Rochester, several people recommended that she start coming to Mark & M.E. She was worried that I would talk to her. As most of you know, it's hard to shut me up. We chatted through the whole service and I even had her laughing quite a bit. It's funny what people worry about.

Every job has its hazards. Mine has several. Yesterday I was peed on.

A woman told me that she was so nervous she was sweating like a whore in church.

A man was at work going through his checkbook and noticed that his wife had written a check to Mark & M.E. He didn't realize that she had come to see me. He called her as soon as he discovered the entry and told her that seeing a check written to our salon made him very excited and he couldn't wait to see her.

Summer is here. Is your snatch sexy or scary?

I like to keep the conversation going during a wax because it's a good distraction for the client. I asked a woman who she lived with and as I was pulling a strip off she yelled "Jesus!"

I can count on one hand how many women I have thoroughly trained to wax like I do, and only a couple of them can actually do it like me. So if someone tells you she was trained by me, chances are she is full of shit.

Women get so nervous that I am going to judge what I see when they undress. A woman couldn't decide if she should make up a story or tell me the truth about her body. She took off her pants, covered her parts with her hands, and hesitated getting on the table while she decided what to tell me. The problem was that she was bruised on her upper thighs and didn't want me to think she was being abused by her husband. She was actually embarrassed because she tried waxing herself and her skin was pretty beat up. Sometimes saving money just isn't worth it.

I like when the waxing service accompanies another monumental experience. It's flattering to be a part of something memorable. Like when 2 girls come in together for Brazilians then go get their hoods pierced.

Life is a continuous learning experience. And it is amazing what I learn from my clients. Did you know you can buy rubber sheets? They are used for Golden Showers. Yep, that's right. Golden Showers. I guess they are easier to clean when someone pees all over you during sex.

I've had several women over the years bite on their socks or towels when they are getting waxed. The other day, I had another first. A girl said that she forgot her teddy bear to hang onto so she rolled up her jeans and hung onto them for dear life. I have to admit that it looked kind of funny seeing a girl hugging her jeans. But, whatever works.

A husband kept teasing his wife about how long her hair was getting. He'd rub the area and say that he was patting the rug. After I finished, I told her he couldn't pat the rug anymore. He'd have to pat the linoleum.

Women get so embarrassed when they are really hairy. What they need to understand is that I like it when there is an overgrown bush. Not only does it make me look like I have really done an amazing job, but the wax tends to last longer. The apologies are endless and the comments can be really funny when the bush is big. A woman told me to be prepared because she sprayed Miracle Grow on her vagina.

Waxing is easier, faster and less painful when you get it done on a regular basis. Waiting for months between waxes will make it harder on both of us. A girl who normally gets waxed every four weeks skipped a few months. Boy, did she regret it. She told me that from now on, she will continue to be a frequent flyer no matter what.

A girl told me that I needed to be careful and not get lost in her Bermuda Triangle. I admit it was a treacherous journey, but I made it out alive.

Another girl told me my superhero name should be The Vagina Whisperer. I just like being referred to as a superhero. And, as a superhero, my mission is "to save the universe from unsightly vagina's!"

Someone told me my superhero name should be The Vagina Rescuer.

Since I work with a sexual organ all day, there is a lot of sex talk that takes place during the service. I hear about all sorts of good and bad stuff. I have girls freaking out because their guys want to enjoy a different orifice. They come in to make sure that area is hair free even if they aren't sure they'll go through with it. I have others that are being spanked with so much force that hand prints are being left on their behinds. Recently, I had a girl tell me that she was strangled so hard that it was difficult to breathe and she had to keep pushing his hand away. She also said the sex was impossible to enjoy because she was scared and he was seriously hurting her. So my thought is if you are scared, you don't like getting hurt or you aren't enjoying it, then don't waste your Brazilian on him.

There are no concrete rules about having sex and getting waxed. I appreciate the women who are considerate enough not to have sex too close to the appointment time. You know how I hate coming in contact with your man's baby butter. We've discussed this. But after your wax, there is no set time for how long you need to wait. Even a veteran waxer should understand that the area will be a little tender after the service but should be ready to go in a few hours. But a virgin waxer should plan for things to be sensitive probably until the next day. Moral of the story; don't plan a hot and heavy date with a well endowed man the same day as your first Brazilian.

I made a lot of men very, very happy yesterday.

A woman told me that when you get a Brazilian in Ireland and you leave a landing strip, it is called an Urban Express. I think that is quite a sassy expression for your snatch.

A girl told me that even though she didn't have a boyfriend, she wanted to get waxed just in case... Now that's a girl after my own heart.

I had another article published in The Social Gods online magazine. It talks about sex and successful relationships. It shouldn't be a surprise that sex is a topic I am interested in since I play with pusses all day. Check it out.

http://thesocialgods.com/sex-a-successful-relationship/

http://thesocialgods.com/manscaping-101/

We have definitely become a society that has an aversion to pubic hair. It is a trend that I fully support. A 12 year old girl was complaining to her mom about the fact that her brother trims his pubic hair in the bathroom and doesn't clean it up. I'd complain too.

It probably isn't a good idea to try to watch what I'm doing while I wax you. It is kind of like getting a shot or giving blood. It seems to always hurt more if you know the exact moment the needle goes into your skin. A lady brought her son's girlfriend in for a Brazilian and every time the girl lifted her head up to check on what I was doing, the mom would push her head back down to the pillow.

A woman hadn't been waxed for months and months. On the morning of her appointment, she told her man to get his scuba gear ready because he was going down under for a very long time.

Favorite quote of the week. A man said to his woman. "Babe, the 1970's called and said they want their pussy back."

When a woman sweats through the pits of her sweatshirt, then I know she was really nervous or in a lot of pain. Or maybe both?

My 400TH blog today just happens to fall on my birthday. So I was thinking about how long I can keep this up. So I decided that as long as clients keep saying and doing crazy shit, I'll be here to share in the fun. Like when a woman brings in her step son's new girlfriend for a wax and hangs onto her boob as a distraction, I am still amused and feel the need to share.

Here's another reason why waxing is a smarter method of hair removal. If you haven't heard about Megan Barnes, then you need to Google her. She was shaving her puss while driving in Florida while her ex-husband was steering her car. She was on her way to a date. Surprisingly, she got into a car accident. And, if you can find a picture of her, I think you'd agree that shaving her v-j-jay was the least of her worries.

A woman told me it was time to get rid of her love rug. So I did.

When I was in college, I worked as a sales consultant at a weight loss clinic. I tried to encourage the women to treat themselves with something besides a hot fudge sundae when they lost weight, such as a manicure or a piece of jewelry. A woman who I normally wax every four weeks waited longer than usual because she rewarded herself with a wax after she lost 20 pounds. I thought that was an awesome reward.

I'm pretty oblivious to tattoo's after all of these years, but a rubber chicken tattoo on a woman's ass really cracked me up.

A lot of women come on their lunch hour to get waxed. I had to laugh when a woman left for lunch and drove 20 minutes out of the way to stop by her house to take a quick shower before coming to the shop for a Brazilian. She told me she didn't want to end up on a blog.

When you wax over a shaved puss, the hair looks pretty scary. It stands on end and looks somewhat petrified. A client looked at her strip of hair and said it looked like the old school Nintendo grass.

I have been waxing since the 1990's and in all that time, I have only had 2 people cry. Well, there must have been something messed up in the universe, because I had 2 people cry just last week. One was a bride who was stressed out about her wedding, completely exhausted and totally anxious about getting a wax. OK, that's understandable. The 2nd girl started crying when I waxed her knee. A knee. Really?

I got an article entitled Manscaping 101 published in an online magazine called The Social Gods. Hopefully, this will get me one step closer to getting my manuscript published. I plan to write monthly articles for this magazine as long as I can find something amusing to say. As the title suggests, the article is about the different options that men have when it comes to grooming their junk. It appears I have a fascination with well groomed genitalia. I wonder what Freud would say to that?

Just when I think I have heard every expression for the puss that's out there, another one gets mentioned that I feel compelled to pass on to you. A client came in and said that her mom couldn't believe that she was paying to have her "paw paw patch" removed.

One of the annoying aspects of waxing is that your skin is sticky when I finish. Fortunately, the oil we use to remove the sticky residue takes it off quickly. While one of my clients was lying on the table, she commented on how her lips felt like they were sealed shut. She said her parents would have loved it if her lips were stuck together like this when she was a teenager.

Time to spring clean your snatch.

Just call me Queen of the Jungle.

A girl told me she has been telling all of her friends how much better it is to wax and what a great job I do. That really means a lot to me and I can't thank everyone enough for the referrals. After I finished waxing her, I thanked her for telling people about me and told her to remember to "spread the word, not your legs." Then I thought about what I said and what I just did to her so I had to amend my statement. "OK, maybe spread your legs too."

I love it when I end up on other people's Facebook pages. A newbie wrote that she went to Mark & M.E. and got a Brazilian for the first time. She said it was the most amazing thing and she was so excited because I even did her ass crack! Now she understands why one of our motto's is that "no one leaves Mark & M.E. with a hairy ass."

I've written in the past about the women who let themselves get really hairy so they won't have sex. Everybody seems to have their own expression when they are referring to their intentional hair growth. A girl informed me that she skipped a month from waxing because she needed a man shield. All I can say is if I was a guy, the shield would have worked.

If your dude has the nerve to call you a Sasquatch, I say we put a little hot wax on his member and see how well he tolerates it. He may prefer you bald, but he better be nice about it.

Although I am able to wax a woman in less than 10 minutes, I rarely feel like I am rushing. After all these years, I am just incredibly efficient. Besides, it is a very sensitive area and I would never want to jeopardize pissing it off any more than I have too. But there are times when I get really busy and there will be two or three women in my waiting area. There was a point on Saturday that I got really busy and when I walked out of one of the treatment rooms, a client told me she was next on my pussy assembly line.

When a woman is used to getting waxed every four weeks, and extra week or two can be very annoying to her. One of my girl's told me to be careful because there was an animal back there, but not to worry, because at least it wouldn't growl at me. Believe me, I am so done with noises that come from back there.

Obviously I am the biggest fan of the bald puss, but I totally understand how women can feel dirty and less sexy when the hair is growing back. We need to get over it. You have to let some hair grow back in order to get a good wax. And, let's be honest, guys don't really care as long as they are getting some.

For years women have been telling me that they sweat like a horse while I am waxing them. Do horses really sweat?

I have a chapter in my manuscript called "The Vagina, a.k.a." which talks about all the pet names women have for their parts. And although I have a pretty decent list written in the book, I continually hear new names. Yesterday a woman came in for her first ever Brazilian and she was adamant that I leave her "treasure trail." So I did.

First timers give me the best blogs. I guess the anxiety of the anticipated pain and embarrassment leads people to say the craziest things. As I am about to ask a client to roll on her side, she sits up and says "my poor thing!" And, of course, in my charming, sympathetic way, I responded, "your poor thing is just fine. Now roll on your side and shove your rectum in my face."

A woman can get confused when she is in pain and the blood is rushing to her private area. So when an Asian girl tells me "no me gusta," I feel kind of bad.

I love when people who have moved out of town come back to visit me. A woman who now lives in Virginia told me she couldn't wait to hear me say "give me your ass."

Was it easy for the Easter Bunny to find his treats this morning or did he have to rummage through the grass?

I don't mind waxing the crack in your ass, but when there is crap smeared on your ass, I am not a happy girl.

I love hearing stories from my clients about their past wax experiences. A girl told me her first experience was so uncomfortable, it took her a long time to get the nerve to do it again. The service lasted about an hour and the woman wouldn't talk to her. My client told me she wanted to say to the girl "what the hell are you thinking?" She just wanted the technician to stop staring so intently at her v-j-jay and say something. I could feel the awkwardness as she was describing the scenario. My advice to beauty professionals is the following. If you aren't comfortable spreading a girl's lips and doing your thing, stick to cutting hair, not ripping hair.

A client told me that it wasn't very ladylike to lie on her side while I waxed the crack of her ass. I told her that it wasn't ladylike to have a hairy ass.

When a woman walks into the room and says "get ready for Woodstock," I'm instantly wishing I had something to light up to prepare myself.

I am very passionate in my desire to avoid contact with your man's baby butter. It is obvious that some guys have really bad aim. So no matter how well you shoot, wait until the day after the wax to play Russian Roulette.

I waxed over 100 women last week. It was crazy fun. But then I found out that if I was working in Upper Manhattan, I would be able to charge 300 per Brazilan. That is insane! I have to move.

This week was "let's hang onto to M.E.'s arm while she rips me" week. Just a little dribble of advice; it works better when I can use both arms.

Welcome to the start of my 2ND year of Hosing Down Your Hoo-ha. I have a scattered brain so you never know what you'll get from me. Sometimes my goal will be to make you laugh, because, face it, I have a funny job. There are times that it will be necessary to gross you out. When I come across an undesirable pussy, there is no way I am going to suffer alone. And every once in awhile I hope to shock you just a little bit. Because, in case you haven't noticed, women can be down right nasty.

Today mark's the 1 year anniversary of Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha. I never thought that I would find 365 consecutive things to say about pussies. And, not only have I had a blast recounting my experiences to you over the past year, I have so much more to share. My goal with this blog was to find representation so I can get my book called "The Happy Hoo-Ha" published. And I still have faith in my followers that someone will be able to help me out with this endeavor. The book is funny and racy and, since it is obvious that each and every one of you are fans of the puss, then please help me out. I won't disappoint you. Until then, I will try to keep you amused with all the crazy shit that people do and say when they are naked from the waist down and are having hot waxed spread on their snatch.

No one leaves Mark & M.E. with a hairy ass. So if you think you are getting off my table without rolling on your side and letting me stick a Popsicle stick between your butt cheeks, you are sorely mistaken.

A girl told her boyfriend she was going to see one of only three people that get to see her v-j-jay. I'm honored and he was psyched.

It is always interesting to see what happens when I meet new people and tell them what I do for a living. When I tell someone that my husband and I own a salon, the person will always assume I cut hair. When I tell people that I do Brazilians for a living, it tends to cause some brow raising. A man recently was intrigued that I give women what he referred to as the "Kojak" all day long. I thought the analogy was perfect, provided you are old enough to remember who Telly Savalas was.

There are a few reasons we have decided not to wax men in their private area at Mark & M.E. One of the main reasons is that we have had one too many guys call the salon and even come into the salon who were just plain creepy. But when a man sent me an email looking for a "Brozilian" I almost had to say yes because I thought that term was clever.

A woman referred to me as Jack the Ripper. I thought it sounded ominous. I kind of liked it.

When a woman comes in at the end of the day with a bottle of Cuervo and 2 hunks of lime, it would be impolite if I didn't participate in her pre-wax celebration. Actually, she was using Jose as liquid courage. She hadn't been waxed in a long time. It helped.

It is an inefficient use of time for me to leave the room while you undress considering I am about to put my hands all up in your junk.

It is incredible how your body changes when you are pregnant. Sexually, you feel like a 16 year old boy who can just not get enough. Things happen in your sleep without any effort at all. I think it's God's way of distracting our men from realizing how fat and miserable we can be. So when a pregnant woman told me it felt good when I spread the wax on her junk, I understood. Although that was not the first time someone told me it felt good when I was doing my thing down there, I definitely make all the good feelings disappear with one good rip.

I know the hoo-ha can generate some heat when I wax it, but if you want someone to blow on it during the service, you'll have to bring in a friend to blow on you. I'm not doing it.

I have a girl that normally squirms and screams during a wax. OK, maybe I have more than one girl. Anyways, the Brazilian service is always an adventure with her. When she came in the last time, she told me she had a glass of wine before she came in. Although I don't encourage alcohol consumption prior to a wax, she seemed much calmer than usual. As she was getting on the table, her phone rang. I told her to take the call. I have had plenty of women conduct phone business while I rip them. She talked to a friend on the phone during the entire service and was very composed while I did my thing. She decided that, from now on, wine and phone were the two key prerequisites to enduring the wax.

Although I have become known for my Brazilian prowess, I also do excellent eyebrows. I actually have been waxing brows a lot longer than the beave. Now that I am in my mid 40's, however, it is necessary that I wear reading glasses in order to perfectly sculpt your brows. Recently one of my clients asked me if she should worry that I come at her crotch with my scary needle nose tweezers in order to remove her stubborn ingrowns without my glasses on since I do put them on in order to wax her brows? I don't seem to have a problem removing the ingrown hairs and, frankly, I really don't want to be able to see your crotch that clearly.

Spring is officially here. The time for hibernating your hoo-ha is over.

I can always tell if you have shaved in between waxes. It's obvious by how coarse the hair comes in and how aggravated the skin gets. The problem is that the whole waxing service hurts a lot more when you shave in between. A girl was complaining that it really hurt yesterday. I told her she shouldn't have shaved. She said her hair had been growing in so fine and soft like baby bird hair that she didn't think it would matter if she shaved just a few times. But it obviously did matter by the way she was squirming around. I told her that the razor turned her fine and soft baby bird hair into big bird hair.

It is unbelievable all of the cheerleaders that I do at Mark & M.E. Well, not official NBA or NFL cheerleaders, but women who cheer when I tell them to roll on their sides so I can wax their ass.

Women often go a lot longer between waxes in the winter. A girl came in the other day and told me it was time to get rid of her winter coat. It was time. Days of wearing animal are so gone.

Even if you don't have a guy, it's nice to be bald. A brazilian can give you a free, clean and empowering feeling. You just never seem to feel clean enough when there is an untamed forest down below. Sometimes hair can just make you feel like a dirty girl. And, even though we are all about being a dirty girl, we don't mean it in that way.

If you close your legs when I am about to rip, you're gonna bruise your beave. So, cut it out.

A girl apologized to me for being a pussy. I told her she wasn't a pussy. She just had a hairy one.

It can be scary going to a new place knowing that you are exposing your most intimate parts to a stranger. And, to make it worse, the service is going to involve a little discomfort. A new client was a few minutes late for her appointment because she drove by the salon and had to turn around. She called to let us know she would be a couple minutes late and I assured her that it wasn't a big deal. When she walked into the salon, she was visibly harried and nervous. I asked her if she needed the restroom. She said that was probably a good idea. She told me that she was so nervous, she needed to throw up first.

Isn't it incredible how much power the pussy has?

It's really tough to give a good wax job with your man's baby butter all over the place. And frankly, it's fucking gross.

So I guess you didn't read my helpful hint page on my website. Getting high did not make it easier. It made you a weenie.

A lot of my clients use cute little sayings to refer to their private area and also have secret personal codes that they use with their loved one's when they talk about coming to see me. One of my clients always tells her husband that she is going to H.O.P. Acronyms are often used but at first I couldn't figure out the connection between the v-j-jay and pancakes. She wasn't referring to the restaurant. She was referring to the House of Pain.

I dare ya.

When women move to a new city, it can be stressful finding a new salon, especially one that can do a good Brazilian wax. I told a woman that had just moved to the area that she called the right place. Not only do I have many years of experience, the average Brazilian only takes me 4-7 minutes. When I met her, she told me that she was shocked by how fast I said I could do a Brazilian. All of her experiences had taken much longer. She told her boyfriend what I said about the time frame. She also told him that she didn't know if she should be excited and impressed or seriously frightened.

When someone says "I don't want to play anymore" over and over and over again, I'm thinking I should probably stop?

Black girls are prone to nasty hair bumps which is why they shouldn't shave. One of my regulars was on vacation and didn't wax before she left. While away, she met a man and needed to groom her girl, so she found a random place to get a wax. We aren't exactly sure what the tech did wrong, but my client broke out in a bumpy, rashy mess. She was so freaked out that when she got home, she called a clinic and got checked for an STD. The bumps were nothing but pissed off skin from an inexperienced wax tech. Now her puss is back in my care and we are working on getting it pretty again.

No matter what size you are, your pussy never gets that big. So it really doesn't matter to me one way or another if you are a size 2 or a size 22. A lady came in and said she had wanted to wax for over a year and a half but was waiting until she lost some weight before she got it done. After a year had passed and she didn't lose one pound she told me she just decided "fuck it, I'm getting this done anyways." Now that's the right attitude.

People say the weirdest shit when they are on the table. A woman told me she really wanted to knit. I was confused. She said that she had her knitting in her purse and that is what she wanted to do instead of finishing the wax. The knitting had to wait. I always finish.

When I go for a yearly exam, I expect to put my feet in those embarrassing little holders, but I never liked that position of submission. I don't care how inflexible, overweight or hairy you may be. I will never use stirrups.

A girl told me she was sweating like she was on an airplane. Good news. This flight only takes 4-7 minutes.

Did you know that today was Steak & Blow Job day? Apparently, if your man did a good job on Valentine's Day, then on March 14Th, which would be one month later, you are supposed to reciprocate with his favorite things. Always learning.

A girl came in and said she had a massive nest down below. She wasn't joking. It was pretty massive. Happy to say nothing creepy was living in the nest.

A guy wanted to leave a hickey on his girl's upper thigh to see what kind of reaction I would have. Dude, nothing shocks me. I've heard thousands of women's perverted stories. It's all good.

Fast and furious? Yep.

New girl comes in. First time. Thought it was painful. Swore like a trucker. But it was still all good. As she was leaving, she told Mark & I that she was so excited about her Brazilian that she was going to find some one's face to sit on.

Californication is a funny and racy series on Showtime. It's pretty raunchy which is probably why I find it so amusing. There is a waxologist (not really a word but that's what they call her) on the show that waxes celebrity's pussies. On the last episode, they show her pitching to start a series of her own about what she does for a living. I think it is a great idea. Women have all sorts of drama and who wouldn't want to watch a show that focuses on pussies? This is where I need your help. My manuscript entitled "The Happy Hoo-Ha" is complete. All I need is someone to represent me and help me get it published. In this day of Internet networking, there has to be someone out there who knows someone who will think I am a tad bit interesting and funny. You have to admit that what I do for a living is pretty unique. Think of all the stories you have read to date. And there is so much more. So please spread the word. Women say crazy shit to me while they spread their legs. I have faith in my followers. Remember what my quest in life is....to celebrate the perfectly primped pussy.

I think getting a Brazilian can help a gal not only feel lucky, but get lucky. When a really neat thirty year old woman complains of being single but keeps up with her grooming just in case, you have to wish her luck and hope that Mr. Wonderful comes knocking at her door. So that is exactly what I did. I wished her luck in her endeavor to find someone special. That is when she told me I was her Brazilian Fortune Cookie.

Period undies...wax undies...how about no undies at all?

Since I am very efficient and run on schedule, a lot of my clients come on their lunch hour to get waxed. It is funny how many women tell their jobs they are going to the dentist during that time. Wouldn't an appointment with the gyno make more sense?

When you wax, your hair tends to come in finer and thinner and, for some women, bald spots form where no hair grows any more. It is much more common for the hair to stop growing on the front of the pubic area. One of my clients started hooking up with a guy who wanted her to grow her hair back in the front. The problem is that her hair stopped growing there a long time ago. I'm not sure if her hair is afraid of me or what, but there is no way she will ever grow more than a few strays. Her 70's porn star days are definitely over. So this guy asked her if it was possible to get a toupee? A toupee for the twat. Interesting.

A guy came in for his first ever back wax. He had three friends with him for moral support, but that didn't seem to ease his anxiety. He really didn't want to take his shirt off. Unfortunately, I can't wax a back with a shirt on so I needed to encourage him to remove it. When he got on the table, he told me he was as nervous as a dog at a Chinese restaurant.

It's easier than childbirth.

Do you remember the scene in Home Alone when the little boy puts after shave on his cleanly shaven face and screams? On our clean up stations at the salon, I have 2 bottles. A pointy bottle with oil in it to take the wax off your cooch and a pump bottle with hand sanitizer for your hands. When a woman put a liberal amount of hand sanitizer between her legs and started jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick, I had to yell at her to stop jumping and start wiping!

Pussies are more peaceful when they are pampered properly.

Got an email from a gal who wanted to know if I had any time to "deforest her." Silly girl. Doesn't she realize I am the queen of deforestation?

We received an interesting request at Mark & M.E. A girl would like us to put "Oh Shit Handles" on the sides of the bed.

Men often accompany their women in the room while I wax them. I don't think all the guys motives are the same, but I don't care one way or the other as long as they aren't creepy. It's not like they haven't seen their woman's junk before. But I got another interesting request not too long ago. One of the guys wanted to know how I felt about having one or two other couples in the room at the same time. And you wonder why I don't teach grade school anymore?

When a woman is walking into the wax room and says her bush looks like a werewolf, it is hard not to get a lttle nervous.

When clients vacation in the winter, they will often wait a long time between waxes to make sure they remain totally hair-free throughout their trip. And since New York is so cold in the winter, it isn't as imperative that we stay so impeccably groomed every month. One of my girls waited a really long time between waxes so she was perfect for Jamaica. The night before she came in for the wax, she had a dream that she had 6 inches of pubic hair which she was able to donate to locks of love.

I recommend wearing boy shorts for that in between time. Believe me, guys think we look so hot in these awkward short short things that rise half way up our ass that they won't give a shit if there is a little hair underneath.

A woman with an overgrown puss walked into the wax room and exclaimed that she felt like a Russian traitor.

I really think pubic hair is gross. It can harbor odor and all sorts of female gunk. And I'm happy to say that one of the reasons I am such a busy wax technician is due to the fact that I am not alone with my aversion to unwanted and unnecessary hair that grows between the legs. So when a woman told me she had waited way too long to see me and that not only was she mortified, she was nasified by her hair, I was totally in sync with her perfectly descriptive made up word.

Sunday is the perfect day to enjoy your sexy snatch.

When you wax as many people as I do every week, I often get right to the point about the positioning of the body. I work quite efficiently and don't have time to waste. I asked a new client to roll on her side and give me her ass. She looked over her shoulder at me and said, "I really like you."

How would you feel about a man waxing your hoo-ha? Well, there are a ton of male technicians in our field, and, from what I've been told, the majority of the men performing Brazilians are supposedly gay. I'm not quite sure if that really makes a difference but it seems to be an important fact when a girl is telling me about her wax experience with a man. But when I heard about a guy who likes the client to put her leg on his shoulder and then goes to the foot of the bed to peer head on at the area in question, I'm thinking something just ain't right.

Don't wink at me when I roll you on your side to wax your rectum because nothing good can come from that.

For fifty dollar, I can make you holler.

Got another funny email from a client who hadn't been in for close to 2 months. She wrote that her pretty panties didn't deserve her hairy cootch. She still hasn't made it in which must mean she is still wearing her period panties.

A woman hadn't been in since October. She told me her snatch looked like a small rat. It did.

Guys don't like to floss when they eat.

I don't get nervous when a woman goes a really long time between waxes. In fact, the descriptions of their lady parts tend to be funny. A woman emailed me for an appointment and was disgusted by how hairy she was. She said she had a jungle where there should be a beach.

I asked a woman how she knew her husband was "the one." She said when they realized they had an attraction to one another, he said that he couldn't imagine a relationship without oral sex. They have been together for over a decade and she has never been bald. Now she is. I can only imagine how happy he must be.

Everyone's vagina is unique. It is this wondrous entity that lives, breathes, feels pleasure and also feels pain. And everyone's relationship with their vagina is unique as well. If a woman tells me that her cootchy is crying, then I suppose that it is.

When you are getting any area waxed, please be advised that the area is sticky and it's not a good idea to touch the area until after I have finished and you have properly cleaned up. I had a girl that wouldn't stop putting her hand on her hoo-ha while I was working on her. Her hand got all sticky but she just kept touching it. She said she was sorry but she "couldn't stop playing with it." She continued by saying that "I know he won't be able to stop playing with it either!"

And, as a side note, this is my 300Th blog. Holy shit, I cannot believe I had 300 consecutive things to say! Yea, right.

I have clients that make their appointments via email now and, due to the nature of the service, the emails tend to be funny. The other day a girl asked for a specific day but said as far as the time was concerned, she was flexible: no pun intended.

It should be obvious by now that I am a huge fan of the no hair thing. And it seems I am not alone. Not only do women get it all waxed for a more liberating feeling and to enhance their sex life, they also get it done so they don't have a hairy ass when they get a colonoscopy.

A guy told his girl she had fat lips. She asked him if he meant PHAT or FAT? He said FAT. Her feelings were obviously hurt and she commented that there was more cushion for the pushing. I thought that was a cute response but my first reaction would have been to slap this dude up side the head. Trust me, if a guy ever criticized my v-j-jay, the only thing he'd be pushing against would be his right hand.

On the ride to the salon, two newbies were talking about how worried they were that they might pee on the table because they were so nervous. They told me about their conversation and when the second girl was getting waxed, she said it hurt so bad that she really was nervous that she would pee on the table. If they are worried about that now, wait until they have a couple kids.

Happy to say, I did not come in contact with any bodily fluids.

Some of my Hispanic ladies have such fire in their responses. There have been times when they are by far the most entertaining. I think they actually may have hot salsa in their sensations.

For the most part, my chocolate girls are much more demonstrative than their vanilla counterparts.

Some people lack consideration and don't even shower the same day they come in for a wax. Other's go above and beyond the considerate factor. I have women who actually cut their strings before they come in so the strings aren't in the way.

In case you were wondering....it seems to be popular these days for women to leave a triangle in front instead of a landing strip and go commando down below. I've had a lot more requests for this look lately. Must be the current trend in porn. We call it a Brazini at Mark & M.E.

When the girl from yesterday told her man that she would never cheat on me again, I have to admit that I was pleased. Shaving is evil and I am determined to spread the word on the best way to achieve a beautifully groomed beave. But I would be remiss if I didn't tell you my response to her after she swore such loyalty to me. I told her to tell her man that her pussy was mine. He could play with it, but everything else that happened down there was my business.

A regular client of mine confessed that her man wanted to shave her. She told me she was really nervous when he was down there with a razor so she kept her eyes closed. It didn't go well so he didn't shave her completely bald. The parts he did shave got irritated and she regretted letting him near her with the razor. This is when she told her man that she would never cheat on him and she would never cheat on Mary Elizabeth again either.

I waxed a college girl's eyebrows who was going on a first date with a really hot guy. As she was leaving, I told her that if she came back for a Brazilian, I knew the date went well. She told me that she purposely did not get a Brazilian because she wanted to behave on the first date. We understand.

The more I think about this whole vagazzling thing, the more apprehensive I feel about putting glue anywhere near my girl.

The Urban Dictionary's definition of vagazzling is the act of bedazzling your vagina or blinging your beaver. A sparkly snatch? I like it.

I have worked diligently to perfect the art of story telling to keep my clients distracted while I wax their cootch. I like to ask questions and while the client is answering, I will rip off a good one. As I was waxing a new client, she was surprised how efficient and funny I was. She quickly figured out my strategy of ripping while she was talking. It really is a system that has worked well for me over the years. About half way through the service (about 3 minutes into the wax) she referred to my style as a "sneak attack Brazilian."

I understand that it can be difficult to justify a monthly wax when you are on a budget. One of our clients needed a haircut desperately and really wanted a Brazilian so she asked her husband if it was at all possible for her to have both done on the same day. He told her he would start having only two meals a day so they could afford both.

Women who carry wipes in their purses are my heroes.

A psychologist would have a ball examining the behavior of women when they are put in an awkward and potentially painful situation such as getting a Brazilian wax. I wonder what it means when a girl asks us to hang on a second while she sits up and has a conversation and subsequently a pep-talk with her cootch before we finish the service.

When a guy comes into the room with his lady for her wax, sits back, and cracks open a beer, you gotta wonder.

The puss is fascinating and magical. It's mere existence should be celebrated and cherished. This is why I need your help getting my manuscript published. It's current working title is "The Happy Hoo-Ha." And isn't that what is really important, keeping the hoo-ha happy? In order to get my work recognized, I need to prove I have a large following of dedicated pussy lovers who want to be reminded of its power on a daily basis through this blog and want to read an in depth novel that is guaranteed to make you laugh, cry and even cringe a little. Science has proven that a good belly laugh every day will make you live longer, and I promise to provide you with enough stories to help you live a long, healthy life. So on this cold, frigid day, spend some extra time worshipping the beautiful entity that makes life possible and help me succeed in my quest to make the puss even more powerful by becoming a follower of this blog and telling everyone you know to do the same.

Fur coats are old school.

One of the benefits of what I do for a living is hearing all of the fun sex stories. They can range from funny to gross to thought provoking... Yesterday I heard an interesting one. A girl was engaging in relations in the missionary position. In the midst of her enjoying the experience, she was making the normal, accompanying sounds that one makes when he or she is in the moment. This is when the guy told her to stop making sexual sounds.

There is a reason for the disposable wipes in the bathroom.

There is no reason to be embarrassed and it's less than 10 minutes of discomfort. So why haven't you tried it? Have you read yesterday's blog? Enough said.

Some women hesitate about coming in on a monthly basis because they anticipate the pain and make the decision to put it off as long as possible. The more regular you get it done, however, the less it hurts. And the longer you grow your hair, the more painful it can be. A woman came in on Friday who hadn't had it done in several months. She had a lot of hair. Last night I got a text message from her saying that she had the GREATEST sex that night. ME happy.

When a wickedly jumpy new girl tells me I better hold down her leg because she was going to kick me in the head, I knew I was in trouble.

I have also been hit on, but the girl wanted my husband there too.

A girl told us that her last wax technician hit on her. No worries. I'm not interested in the puss in that way.

A sixty year old woman made a circle with her thumb and fore finger and whispered to me, "do you wax ass wholes?" Her visual demonstration with her fingers was priceless and it definitely reinforced the area she was referring to. I started to laugh and told her that I wax ass wholes all day long. She didn't realize that a Brazilian was that thorough and that I spend my days investigating the most private areas of my clients. She needs rectal surgery and would like me to wax that area for her. As you all know, I'm the queen of asses.

One of my regular clients went somewhere else for an eye brow wax. It took the girl close to a half hour and she didn't have a clue what she was doing. My client said as she was sitting there, all she could think of was that she would have rather been getting a Brazilian than letting this girl do her brows.

About a year ago, a woman brought her little boy in the room while I waxed her. During the service, he started freaking out because he didn't like the sound of the ripping. It was difficult to finish her because he couldn't stand the noise and was visibly upset. He still talks about it.

A little boy was waiting in the reception area with his mom and he noticed a lot of women going in and out of the rooms. He asked her if "this place was just for girls."

Someone told me they couldn't believe people worried so much about getting their bum waxed because it's the easiest part. I love old school terminology.

All of the waxing takes place on the 2nd and 3rd floors of our salon. That way, no one can hear any screaming. Yesterday a client came bouncing down the stairs looking very happy after I waxed her. She said that she felt so good after the wax that she just wanted to run around naked.

A girl is hanging out with her boyfriend in a bikini. He sees a string hanging from her bikini bottom. He pulls the string. It's a tampon.

If a woman tells me she is fuzzy wuzzy down there, I'm pretty confident she's a mom.

When you wax a man in his private area, it is very common for his voice to change for just a moment. I'm not sure why it happens, but it can be very funny. For the record, there have been times when I have made a woman's voice change as well.

If you haven't mustered the courage to try a wax, now is the time. Start the New Year with a New Look.

I know of a man who plows driveways in the winter. He said that he finds it very satisfying to see a freshly plowed driveway. He read several entries from my blog and commented that I must get the same kind of satisfaction when I wax someone as he does when he plows a driveway.

I think everyone should celebrate this New Year with the things they are thankful for, including their pretty pusses.